love is all you need but what is it
exactly
the contemporary concept of love
revolves around the experience of
blissful infatuation with another person
in most cases
it's a bond between two people that
includes physical attraction
the way we practice love has been
changing over the years
for example originating from the french
amur courtois
or courtly love the phenomenon of
medieval knights
seeking to impress ladies of nobility by
performing
various services like going to battle
courting a woman heroically to gain her
approval
has been the norm for many years however
we have seen this behavior declining
over time as
social and gender roles have been
changing in the last
decades we can observe a radical shift
from the common practice of
marriage and often arranged marriage to
more
casual dating and even the hookup
culture fueled by technological
advancements
in the form of dating apps that let us
find love
in an unprecedentedly superficial way
based on a few pictures
lines of text and emojis and even though
the sacredness of marriage
has been eroded and long-term
commitments between two people based on
trust and responsibility
have been largely replaced by serial
monogamy people still seem to crave
love but what kind of love
do we actually want is it sex
is it the experience of deeply
connecting with someone
is it perhaps the opportunity to take
care of another human being
to answer this question we first need to
know
what love is this video is a humble
introduction to love
that not only explores different kinds
of love but also the blessings and
pitfalls
of chasing them
so what is love love has been a source
of debate probably since the dawn of
time
it's a phenomenon that's present in all
humans in one way or another
some of us are more inclined towards
platonic love
in which we rather share ideas and
personal experiences
with someone we appreciate while for
many others
the very meaning of love is the
passionate expression
through the body for them things like
cuddling
kissing and rubbing bodies against each
other while stimulating the sexual
organs
is what love entails we could say i love
you
to a friend in a drunken stupor which
probably means
something entirely different than saying
i love you
to a spouse with friends and blood
relatives
love is mainly expressed by caring for
each other
through words and actions that are
non-sexual
but with so-called lovers sexual
attraction
suddenly plays a role we could also say
i love this song or i love today's
weather
but this love is neither platonic or
sexual this wide variety of using the
word
love therefore is kind of confusing
so what is it
the ancient greeks created several
concepts
for what we would call love this video
focuses on the three main ones called
philia
eros and agape that pretty well
encapsulate
the forms of love we see today
philia is a word that in the english
language serves as a suffix
often in words that indicate sexual
attraction to people or even
animals and things but the ancient greek
meaning of philia points to a
dispassionate
virtuous love that we experience as
loyalty to friends
or family or the enjoyment we can have
in certain activities
like soccer and also the love one can
have for one's country or religious
community
and for one's pet the ancient greek
philosopher aristotle
who developed the idea of philia
describes the bonds of philia
as generally symmetrical and mutually
beneficial
even though there are exceptions like
the relationship between
father and son philia thus occurs in
many different contexts but
is based on a desire to benefit another
for the sake of the person
activity group or animal we have
affection for
so there's a selfless element in philia
as it's not just
based on what we can get but on what we
can give
even though it has certain conditions
like affection
or shared activities there can be a
degree of failure
in modern love relationships if we
cultivate a friendship
between ourselves and the lover and that
the enjoyment of being with each other
goes beyond what we do between the
sheets
and takes each other's well-being into
account
this brings us to the next concept eros
eros as this word already suggests
refers to the passionate element of
love that's commonly present when we
fall head over heels with
someone you know that state of madness
we stumble into after we've got pierced
by cubits law of darts
and causes us to be enraptured with a
particular person
this form of love seemed to be prevalent
in today's culture
in which love is mainly associated with
lust and infatuation this seems
especially true when it comes to dating
apps that give us the opportunity
to select each other based on pictures
which kind of implies
that above all we're just looking for an
attractive body
to satisfy our sexual desires
eros is highly energetic in some cases
it's strong enough to fuel someone's
life and purpose
for many years which was the case with
danish philosopher sir
gilgergaard whose unrequited love for
regina olsen
remained a driving force for his work
the philosopher plato argued that eros
doesn't necessarily have to include
physical attraction
one could be passionate about philosophy
for example
thus we can direct the energy of eros
into much more sophisticated
things than copulation carl jung
similarly identified
the libido as the totality of psychic
energy
not limited to sexual desire
lastly what's often considered the
highest form of love
is what the ancient greeks called agape
the christians
describe agape as the love that god has
for humanity
a love that's enduring based on
acceptance and without conditions
agape focuses on the needs of others but
as opposed to philia and
eros this love doesn't have to be
answered to be fulfilled
thus agape is ultimately selfless
a bit like what the buddhists call meta
or love and kindness
which is a universal love that
transcends all circumstances
in many ways agape is sacrificial
meaning that we're willing to sacrifice
ourselves
for the well-being of others the
crucifixion of jesus christ
is one of the most telling examples of
this
devoting our lives to the community
without asking anything in return
and engaging in charity are forms of
agape
it's not something we fall into as it's
the case with eros
but it's something we rise in
love in essence is an experience of
connection
this connection could be to friends
family partners
but also to ideas or to sensual
experiences
like the love of music and food or it
could be a more universal connection
that we feel with all sentient beings
each form of love has its blessings and
caveats
falling head over heels in love with
someone for example
is considered one of the most euphoric
experiences
one can have however along with a high
always comes a low meaning that eros
is able to cause as much pain as
pleasure
the nature of eros in regard to
relationships
is also selfish as it's about satisfying
a thirst
for someone else using this person for
the sake of answering
our own intense desires and of course
when this person disappears or in any
way denies us the pleasure
we want so badly our affection can turn
into agony
within a split second with philia we can
see this to a much
lesser degree but even though there are
selfless elements in philia it's still
based on certain conditions
as with friendship we can lose our
friends by
for example betrayal or death or simply
by a change
of interest but philia is much less
passionate than eros
and won't make us fall madly in love
meaning that it's a safer and
more stable form of love
ancient greek philosopher epicurus was a
big fan of philia
as he saw friendship as one of the
necessary elements of a happy life
romantic love on the other hand he saw
as a disturbance
of a peaceful mind so he avoided it
the tumultuous nature of romance is in
sharp contrast with agape
the blessing of agape is the absence of
attachment
as this love is unconditional and
totally dependent
as well as accepting of the actions of
others
this means that we can love while
staying as serene
as a graven image however the flip side
of this form of love would be the total
absence
of passion and sexuality which is kind
of a weird
thing to contemplate in today's world
such love would be seen as incredibly
boring
regardless of its potential for tranquil
and long-lasting joy
and benefiting humanity as opposed to
the overwhelming emotional extremes
of selfish passionate love but as we
collectively celebrate the latter as we
see this reflected in countless movies
television shows books and even video
games
that portray this form of love as an
ultimate concern
most people seem to chase that short but
intense roller coaster ride
of romance regardless of the costs
some would argue that these different
kinds of love aren't mutually exclusive
and that with the right balance we're
able to enjoy the aspects of
every one of them moreover as the
euphoria of romance
subsides eventually the only reliable
way
of maintaining a long-term relationship
with a partner
is through ongoing care friendship
responsibility sacrifice and the
willingness to accept
each other's flaws
thank you for watching
[Music]
you