Paul, how did you meet Jessica?
On Yelp
On Yelp?
Yelp it's not dating app
I know!
Did you review a prostitution agency or something, on Yelp
I got five stars
You got five stars
Nice, nice
This is nephew Paul and niece Jessica
The weirdest couple Uncle Roger met from my Haiyaa tour in LA
Niece and nephew, we added some final date to Haiyaa tour
Hit pause on screen now to see if I coming to your city
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Hopefully I add extra show there
Hope to see niece and nephew there
Because if you come, do what Paul and Jessica do
Wear orange poli and bring Uncle Roger favourite ingredient
But I did bring you some MSG
You bring me MSG fuiyoh
Look at this
Nice, nice. Where you get this from?
It's actually from the 50s
From the 50s?
And you still haven't finished
A little goes a long way
It expired
You trying to poison me haiyaa
MSG from the 50s
Where you kept this from, World War II? haiyaa
How you get this?
-An estate sale -An estate sale?
Yeah, a dead person's house
So some grandma die and then you steal her MSG
Pretty much
What is this?
This is terrible thing to leave your grandchildren
You write for your grandchildren in your will: five pound of MSG
It's so sad but thank you
Uncle Roger don't want this shit but thank you
Thank you
Haiyaa, MSG from the 50s
Put it on your chicken wing, put the MSG on your chicken wing
Maybe later
Maybe later? just put, just shit yourself, I don't care
Shit yourself
Haiyaa
What you do for living, Paul, what you do?
I'm an ebay seller
eBay seller? okay
What kind of stuff you sell?
Is it just expired MSG?
This guy not doing well on his eBay shop
Go leave him one star rating, this guy
Okay, what kind of stuff you sell?
Vintage clothing, records, books
Vintage clothing, vintage book, everything vintage about you
You and your MSG vintage
Okay, you dress your shirt very vintage also
Which dead person house you steal that from?
I don't remember, there's so many dead people
There's so many dead people
Haiyaa, why'd they put him in front row
We got here first
You got here first, okay okay
The people stuck there, they fucked up, see
Sorry, you come late, piano blocking you
I'm not even gonna use this piano
I don't know why the fuck this shit here
So you get sex toy from dead people?
Sorry children
Do you get sex toy?
Yeah? Oh, what kind of sex toy you get from dead grandma?
It wasn't supposed to be a sex toy
It was like a like a quack therapy
-A quack therapy -But it was a butt plug
A butt plug
From the 20s
World War I butt plug? fuiyoh
And then you sell it on your eBay account
Yeah, some lady in Australia bought it
Some lady in Australia bought a butt plug from the 20s
I swear
You make a living doing this business
More than just butt plug, but yes
More than just butt plug
Have you used any on her?
Have you found his stash of dead people's sex toy?
People take the valuable things you know
Only you take butt plugs
Their children leaving that shit
Yeah that's gonna be a weird guy
A weird Paul guy who's gonna come collect this
So just leave it out for him, he runs his eBay channel and this
And then you just go over there, like oh, okay
Why do you have a jeweler's loupe and then just look through the
Oh it's from the 20s, okay
I can still see traces of fecal matter on this
Paul, how did you meet Jessica?
On Yelp
On Yelp?
Yelp it's not dating app
I know!
Did you review a prostitution agency or something, on Yelp
I got five stars
You got five stars
Nice, nice
Give me the contact detail later
On Yelp, okay, explain how you meet her on Yelp
LA crazy place, crazy place
I kept seeing her picture and her reviews of places that I go
You keep seeing her
Oh, she review thing on Yelp
And then you just start following her
That very creepy, Paul, that very creepy,
I kept going into the bagel store, hoping I'd run into her
You keep going into the bagel store, hope you're gonna run
Don't encourage this creepy behavior
What is this aww shit?
If someone do that to Uncle Roger
I'm gonna get creeped out
So you just show up at bagel store and you go like, hey Jessica
I've been reading your review lately
and I know where you go every Monday to Friday
He knew what kind of bagel I liked
He knew what kind of bagel you like?
This like some serial killer shit
This like a start of true crime documentary
Netflix is here
They gonna make a documentary about you
They gonna cut to an interview because Jessica would be dead
And then you steal her shit
They gonna interview Jessica parent
And they're gonna go: I knew something was not right
He kept showing up at these random bagel shops Jessica goes to
Okay, and Jessica, you fell for that shit?
I liked it!
You liked it?
How desperate are you?
This fucked up couple in front row
Are you with them?
No
Stay away, don't sit there
But I'm actually a film maker, so...
You a filmmaker?
I'm going to make a documentary
Okay, good good good
When I die, she'll do our documentary
Okay, when you die, then she gonna do documentary
And he gonna steal your MSG
That what gonna happen
So when you meet Jessica at the bagel shop
What you say to her?
Did you order for her and then just wait
I never actually met her there
We started talking during DMs
DM, you can DM on Yelp?
Who's sliding to people's Yelp DM?
Is it possible? DM on Yelp?
-Yeah? -Yeah!
So smooth, these nephews so smooth
Okay, what you saying, the DM on Yelp
Uh, that I liked her reviews
You liked her review
Okay, okay and then what you say back?
That "you have great taste"
You have great taste
Okay, so what you say back to her?
You got great tits, what?
I mean it was 9 years ago so I don't remember
It was 9 years ago, fuiyoh, give it up for them
Do you ever review Paul?
On yelp or something
I think it would be not for the children
Not for the children
just say, tell us
How many stars?
Five stars
Five stars, okay
Very nice, okay
He's got the umami dick
Well, so you dip it in MSG before you
And then you brought it to me and try to be
Jesus Christ
Oh, it won't fit huh, for you it won't fit?
Sorry children
You guys needed to come with me to every show man
You gonna do that?
I kinda regret asking that now, so
Gonna use the same stalk techniques on me?
Find out your favourite bagel
My favourite bagel
I like the everything, you know, it's good
It's the best one
Cream cheese, why do people get anything else?
You get everything, right?
Yeah, it's the best value for money
All the shits on there
What other bagel is there, plain?
Ugh, what are you, poor? plain?
Any single people here?
Single people, okay
Go try Yelp DM
You both single? you both raise your hand
Yeah
You guys not together?
That's my mom
That your mom?
You sure?
You look so young
I'm 43
You 43? fuiyoh, good skincare
He looks so shit
You look like you're dating, because the age
-How old are you? -21
21? you look like that? haiyaa
21, nice
Single still, and your mom, you single also?
-No. -Okay, then why you raise your hand
You try to pimp him out, is it? okay
Has he had girlfriend before?
No, not that I know of
Not that you know of
What kind of woman you like?
It's okay to be virgin, it's okay
Uncle Roger been virgin before, it okay
What kind of woman you like?
I like Asian women
Asian women? that very creepy
Don't say the race as the first thing
Just say kind and honest
-Are you Asian also? -No
No? if you're not Asian, definitely don't say
You want Asian women, that very big fetish, okay?
By the way, anyone here any vegetarian niece and nephew
Haiyaa
of course it would be you
You come to the wrong show, Paul, wrong show
It okay, we accept people with mental illness at the show
We accept them
Is this food good? is it good?
We didn't eat it
You didn't eat it?
We didn't order it
You didn't order it, oh okay
I hate cauliflower
You hate cauliflower
Oh, are those cauliflower wings?
Oh yeah, vegetarian
That's your own fucking fault then, you know
Cauliflower sucks
Yeah and vegetarians deserve cauliflower, you know
And they try to make it look like chicken wings
Isn't this the saddest thing
To get a vegetable to pretend this chicken
That is so depressing
Are you drinking anything, 21 year old?
I drink tequila
You drink tequila, oh okay
Okay
So I collect tequila
I have at home like 300 bottles of tequila
You have 300 bottles of tequila at home
Wow, yeah when you die, Paul's gonna come over, just rummage that shit
Store your butt plug away though, yeah, you know
Have you got drunk in front of your mom before?
-No -No, okay
She's been drunk in front of me
-You've been drunk in front of him? -Plenty of times!
Plenty of times
You guys got problems in this family man
It's the only reason to have kids
Cos now he can drive me home
Oh now he can drive you home, wow
Smart!
I like it