I gotta say, as you can imagine,
I've been doing the show a quite a while now,
and one of the nice things about the show
is I get to meet a lot of celebrities.
Every night, a bunch of celebrities come out, sit here.
I get to talk to them.
And it's, you know, it's nice, it's fun for me.
Here's the problem.
I don't know if you are aware of this
when you watch the show at home,
but this is, a talk show is a very,
it's a very unnatural environment, okay.
We have a big fake window, yeah, it's fake.
They'll tell you, it's fake.
(audience laughing)
Caw, caw!
Look, a bird!
(audience laughing)
It's a very fake environment
and there's lights and there's a studio audience.
So, celebrities come out here,
but they don't really act like themselves.
They sort of, you know, 'cause it's so unnatural.
And I've always wanted to see a celebrity on television
act without any phoniness, just be themselves completely.
And I was thinking about that.
So I was thinking, "Wouldn't it be cool
if we could somehow lure a celebrity here to the studio,
and sort of see them in their natural environment."
So tonight we're going to try and do just that.
I don't think this has ever been
attempted before on television.
We have a salt lick right here in the studio.
(audience laughing)
For those of you who don't know,
a salt lick is often used by hunters.
They put out a salt lick, it attracts deer.
They come, they smell the salt, they lick it.
And that's how deer or people that want to observe deer
get, you know, get to be seen naturally.
So I thought, "Let's do this.
Let's put out this salt lick,"
because as it turns out, you don't know this,
but celebrities love and crave salt as well.
They just do.
They can't get enough salt.
So we've put this out.
We put out the salt lick.
We just put it out now.
And the smell of the salt is starting to
permeate the air and spread out there.
And I'm sure that if I'm very quiet
and if we're all very patient,
I bet we can lure a celebrity into our studio
and observe this celebrity and its natural behavior, okay?
So Allan, help me out.
That's our director, Allan.
Please dim the lights.
That's nice.
Let's try and make it a little less startling in here.
More friendly to the celebrity.
And can you play some nature sounds?
Just to create a nice-
(crickets chirping)
That's nice, okay.
Now I'm going to be-
Get my binoculars out here.
(audience laughing)
I'm going to be very quiet myself
and we're just gonna wait now.
We all have to be patient.
I know sometimes things happen very quickly on television,
but here we have to be patient and just wait
and see what we get.
Just wait here.
(audience chuckling)
And I'm gonna be very quiet.
This is very weird.
(audience laughing)
But I think it could work here, just wait here.
(birds chirping)
It's very quiet here.
I don't know about you, but I think this is very exciting.
(audience laughing)
Let's see what's gonna happen.
Oh wait, the door's opening, what's this?
Oh my God.
(audience laughing)
Oh my God, it's a Goldblum, ladies and gentlemen!
It's a Jeff Goldblum!
Oh my God, it smelled the salt.
It senses the salt.
It's entering the area.
Very erratic movements.
The Goldblum smells the salt, it's licking the salt!
(audience laughing)
The Jeff Goldblum is licking the salt!
This is stunning.
But, what's this?
He senses, he smells something.
He smells something else, he's headed this way.
I think he smells,
yes, he smells the furniture.
That spot was marked by Bruce Willis not long ago.
(audience laughing)
He urinated there.
Now he's moving.
What's that?
He's looking this way.
I think he senses me.
This is very-
(audience chuckling)
I've got to remain perfectly still.
Perfectly still.
(audience laughing)
Jeff Goldblum's-
(audience cheering)
Don't want to agitate the Goldblums, they're very dangerous-
What?
It's turning!
It senses something else.
It's starting to, yes, I believe it's rooting, it's digging.
Celebrities love to dig for awards,
they love to win awards.
He's looking for an award.
He's found one!
He's found a People's Choice award.
Of course, that's not very good.
(audience laughing)
He throws it away.
It's not an Emmy or an Oscar.
Those they'll keep, but a People's Choice-
What?
He looks very agitated,
he looks like he's looking for
a female celebrity.
He senses one is in the area.
He's waiting for a female celebrity to show up.
He must've sensed one,
and I'm sure one is in the area right now.
I think there must be a female celebrity approaching,
right now through the doors, it's a Rachel Dratch
from "Saturday Night Live."
(audience cheering)
Rachel Dratch is headed in.
This is great.
(audience laughing)
Look, and she is showing that
she is attracted to the Goldblum.
And look, he is playing with his plumage.
(audience cheering)
Typical celebrity behavior.
They're both preening, preening before there's any contact.
The Goldblum is strutting his stuff.
The Dratch is headed towards the Goldblum.
They approach, and yes!
Now they're canoodling,
they're being seen together in public.
Of course there is a final requirement before mating.
(audience cheering)
Before mating, they must be photographed
by an "US Weekly" photographer, yes.
(audience laughing)
Because what good is it
if it doesn't show up in "US Weekly."
Now they're headed back behind the couch.
I think this could be it.
I don't know, it's-
Yes, yes, I think they're starting to mate, yes!
(audience laughing)
(audience cheering)
Oh my God!
They're starting to mate!
(audience cheering)
It's incredible, it's-
Oh, he's kinky.
The Goldblum is sick and kinky.
We'll take a break.
We'll be right back.
Howie Mandel is here.
Stick around.