[Disclaimer read by Gohan]
[Please keep these captions clean for those who need them. Funny extras can be added to the English (Canada) subs. Thank you!]
GOKU: Alrighty Gohan, I hope you got plenty of sleep, 'cause today, we're gonna do some *special* training!
GOHAN: This is going to be utterly terrifying or completely silly, isn't it? There is no in-between with you.
GOKU: Naaaw, we're just gonna focus on a little bit of basic combat training that Piccolo told me you've been struggling with.
GOHAN: No, you aren't...!
GOKU: Today, I'ma teach you...
HOW TO DODGE!
GOHAN: I *really* don't think you--
GOKU: YAAAAAAAAAHH!!
GOHAN: HUEH!
GOKU: NOW, this is gonna be a Super Saiyan blast!
As a non-Super Saiyan, you have no option but TO DODGE IT!
GOHAN: Dad, you really need to listen--!
GOKU: Because if you don't dodge this, you'll almost certainly, probably, definitely die!
GOHAN [terrified]: DAD, I'M SERIOUS!!
GOKU: Reaaady? Aaaaaaaand...!
GOHAN: 'Damn you, Pavlov...'
GOKU: HAAAAAAAAAAAH!
GOHAN: Huuh...
...huh... ggh... uhh...
...hugggh...!
[Gohan continues to grunt in exertion]
'Mr. Piccolo!' [Gohan continues to grunt in exertion]
'Krillin!' [Gohan continues to grunt in exertion]
'Anyone?!' [Gohan continues to grunt in exertion]
'No...'
'...nobody is here to save me this time...'
'...to save me like always...'
'...I can't run from this...'
'...I can't dodge this...'
'...but if I can't dodge...'
'...IF I CAN'T DODGE...'
'...THEN...!'
UUUUGGHAAAAAAAAAAHH!!
GOKU: Whoa!
{BOOOM}
EEEEEEE!!
[Gohan continues to grunt in exertion]
Well, look at you! And for a moment there, I thought you were *actually* gonna dodge. [Gohan continues to grunt in exertion]
Good thing that was only half strength, or... [Gohan continues to grunt in exertion]
[Gohan continues to grunt in exertion]
Yeah, the first time is pretty intense... [Gohan continues to grunt in exertion]
*My* first time was with Freezer, and *boy*, was that rough! [Gohan continues to grunt in exertion]
[Gohan continues to grunt in exertion]
...So who wants a haircut~? [Gohan continues to grunt in exertion]
[Gohan continues to grunt in exertion]
[♫ "Cha-La Head-Cha-La" ♫]
♫ CHA-LA HEAD-CHA-LA ♫
♫ Egao urutora zetto de ♫ (With a smile that’s Ultra-Z)
♫ Kyô mo ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~ ♫ (Even today is ai-yai-yai-yai-yai~)
♫ Sparking! [fading echo] ♫
TRUNKS: (Gasp)
VEGETA: (Grunt of approval)
KRILLIN: (Holding back tears angrily)
PERFECT CELL: So, who's first?
KRILLIN: GIVE HER BACK!
(Gasp)
[Ominous music]
Uh!
PER. CELL: Ah...
a volunteer.
KRILLIN: UGHH!
{DING}
TRUNKS: Krillin! Are you OK?!
KRILLIN: (High pitch wheezing)
TRUNKS: Do you need a Senzu bean?!
KRILLIN: (Continues wheezing)
TRUNKS: You're right; that is a stupid question.
PER. CELL: Hey!
ANDROID 16: Hello.
PER. CELL: So, are we cool?
16: You ate my family!
PER. CELL: Hey, don't lose your head! They were my family too.
VEGETA: So ya broke the bald one's neck. BRAAA-VO! I hope you're not *too* proud of yourself.
PER. CELL: Oh, Prince. I am proud. Not of that, no... but of you.
It takes a big man - not necessarily a tall one - to do what you did.
Sticking to your guns and just *throwing* everyone's lives away!
And for that, I tip my...
Huh... what *is* that on my head? Would you call it a crown?
Sixteen, would you call this a crown?
16: I hate you.
PER. CELL: We'll call it a crown.
KRILLIN: (Gasping for breath)
TRUNKS: Oh good, the Senzu worked. KRILLIN: (Gasping for breath)
TRUNKS: You know, it's too bad you don't have Saiyan biology; KRILLIN: (Gasping for breath)
TRUNKS: at this point you'd probably be unstoppable. KRILLIN: (Panting)
KRILLIN: I know, right?! Also, Vegeta's gonna die.
TRUNKS: What? How do you--
KRILLIN: Trunks, do you have *any* idea how many times I've been hit by someone stronger than me since I became an adult?
TRUNKS: How would I know that?
KRILLIN: Every time! Barring your mother and Chi-Chi, literally. Every. Time!
TRUNKS: And?
KRILLIN: And I know when someone's holding back...
KRILLIN: And I know when someone's holding back... *Trunks*.
TRUNKS: OK, I can explain.
KRILLIN: I don't think you can.
VEGETA: All right, "Perfect" Cell...
PER. CELL: Mmh, love the ring to that..
VEGETA: I'm going to enjoy wearing down the knuckles on these gloves.
PER. CELL: OK, I know that wasn't supposed to sound sexual, but--
VEGETA: Now if you don't mind, it's time to turn your little coming out party into a funeral.
PER. CELL: Aaand time's up.
VEGETA: Uh...? PER. CELL: Prince, while there's absolutely nothing I'd rather do than stand here
PER. CELL: Prince, while there's absolutely nothing I'd rather do than stand here
PER. CELL: and listen to you bluster at me 'til the heat death of the universe...
VEGETA [annoyed]: Hmmmummm! PER. CELL: and listen to you bluster at me 'til the heat death of the universe...
I literally have a million better things to do. So here's the deal:
I want you to hit me as hard as you can.
VEGETA: Oh, is that righ--
PER. CELL: Now hold on, you might have misheard me.
VEGETA: Hmph. PER. CELL: Not "half as hard", not some arbitrary percentage...
PER. CELL: Not "half as hard", not some arbitrary percentage...
I want you.
I want you. To hit me.
I want you. To hit me. As hard.
I want you. To hit me. As hard. As.
I want you. To hit me. As hard. As. You.
I want you. To hit me. As hard. As. You. Can!
VEGETA: And if I don't play along?
PER. CELL: Well, then I guess your father was right about you--
VEGETA: RAAAAAARGH!
VEGETA: Ugh! Uhh! PER. CELL: Ooooo, consider that nerve *touched*!
PER. CELL: Ooooo, consider that nerve *touched*!
VEGETA: Wha--?!
Ugh? How?!
PER. CELL: Because, Prince... like a soon-to-be-broken man once said:
VEGETA: Haaahhaahh...! PER. CELL: "You're either perfect, or you're *not me*."
PER. CELL: "You're either perfect, or you're *not me*."
VEGETA: Ugh!
VEGETA: Ugh! WAAAAAAUGH!
VEGETA: Ugh! WAAAAAAUGH! UGHH!
VEGETA: Ugh! WAAAAAAUGH! UGHH! AUGH!
VEGETA: Ugh! WAAAAAAUGH! UGHH! AUGH! ERGH! ERGH! AAGH!
Grr-urh...!
I'm OK...!
I'm OK...! I'ma...
I'm OK...! I'ma... I'mmaah...
I'm OK...! I'ma... I'mmaah... ffuuuuuuuu--
{SPLASH}
KRILLIN: You've been holding back this entire time!
TRUNKS: OK, you're right!
When I was training in the Time Chamber, I found a way to surpass my father.
But he doesn't know! And if he found out...
KRILLIN: Then he'd be *mad* at you?! Listen, I like the guy, but his default emotion is "angry"!
TRUNKS: It's more than anger, it's pride! It would shatter him!
KRILLIN: And because of that, Eighteen HAD TO DIE?!
TRUNKS: What does it matter?! That was your plan the entire...
...oh.
Shit.
Wait, where is my father?
VEGETA: (Gasp), Haaaah, haah... (Pant)
PER. CELL: See, Prince, that's what you get for not listening.
VEGETA: (Panting) PER. CELL: But, since I know you have trouble following directions,
VEGETA: (Panting) PER. CELL: I'm gonna give you one last chance.
You. Me. Hard as you can.
Are we clear?
VEGETA: *Crystal*.
KRILLIN: Maybe you should tell him before he does something completely reckless.
TRUNKS: There is literally nothing left that he could do to make this situation worse. Save blowing up the *planet*.
VEGETA: Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
TRUNKS: He is going to blow up the planet (!)
KRILLIN: BUT I LIVE HERE!
[Dramatic music; Vegeta straining]
PER. CELL: Hoho, that's much better! I can actually *feel* that.
VEGETA: In mere moments, all you'll be feeling... IS OBLIVION!!
PER. CELL: That, or disappointment. Go ahead... flip that coin.
VEGETA: Raarrgh!
TRUNKS: FATHER! Your pride isn't worth destroying the *planet*! Come on!
KRILLIN: Waayy past the bargaining stage here...
VEGETA: FINAALL FLAAAASH!!!
PER. CELL: Aw, how cute, he named it--
PER. CELL: Aw, how cute, he named it--OH SHIT!
{BOOOM} [Inspirational music]
[Rumbling]
KRILLIN: Ah, cool. He missed the planet.
TRUNKS: Thank God, he's not completely insane. "Completely" being the operative word.
VEGETA: Hahh... hahh... *hard enough for you*?
PER. CELL: (Gasping and groaning)
KRILLIN: Bonus! It actually did something.
TRUNKS: See? Everything worked out. I mean, he's not dead but, it's a start.
PER. CELL: (Gasping and groaning)
VEGETA: (Malicious laughter)
PER. CELL: You... you think this is funny? VEGETA: (Malicious laughter)
VEGETA: (Signature evil laughter)
PER. CELL: You think this is funnyyyyy?!? VEGETA: (Signature evil laughter)
VEGETA: (Signature evil laughter)
PER. CELL: It's not... as funny... VEGETA: (Signature evil laughter)
PER. CELL: ...as your face. VEGETA: (Signature evil laughter)
VEGETA: (Stops laughing)
{SPLORCH}
Huwoh...!
Hu-ohh...!
TRUNKS: HOLY...
KRILLIN: ...SHIT!
PER. CELL: You know, it might sound weird, but I kinda liked the old arm better.
Oh well. I'll just have to brrreak it in!
VEGETA: (Screaming)
WHY WON'T YOU DIE?!?
PER. CELL: Prince... has this *ever* worked?
VEGETA: (Shocked grunt)
Waaagh-waah-ck!
PER. CELL: Don't need to answer that.
KRILLIN: OK Trunks, you're out of excuses now. He's gonna kill your Dad.
TRUNKS: Y-you don't know that... he could just knock him unconscious, and then I'll--
KRILLIN: WE DON'T HAVE DRAGON BALLS, TRUNKS!
PER. CELL: Some advice, Prince... for the future:
Next time, why don't you remember your place like the rest of them...
And wait for Goku?
{CRUNCH} VEGETA [echo]: DORRAAGH!!
VEGETA [echo]: DORRAAGH!!
{BOOM}
PER. CELL: K.O.!
I win~
Perfect.
Hm?
TRUNKS [distant]: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...!
PER. CELL: Oh. TRUNKS [distant]: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...!
TRUNKS [distant]: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...!
PER. CELL: Here comes a new challenger... TRUNKS [distant]: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...!
TRUNKS [distant]: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...!
[♫ Closing theme (DBZ intermission) ♫]
GOKU: ♪ I like food 'cause it is yummy ♪
♪ I will put this in my tummy... ♪
GOHAN: Huh? GOKU: Gohan!
GOKU: Grub's up!
Now I mighta gotten a liittle ahead of myself and already finished.
But, I made sure to save you this.
So cook 'er up, son!
GOHAN: Hii-yah!
GOKU: Mmm, *yeah*! Charred meat with no seasoning. Just how Grandpa used to mak--
{FWOOOM}
Gohan~, what did I tell you about controlling your power level?
GOHAN: Well I'm sorry Dad, I'm just not used to my new strength yet.
GOKU: No excuses Gohan. You have to eat. And just because the fridge *magically* restocks, doesn't mean we can waste valuable food.
GOHAN: Uh, Dad? I think your hair is on fir--
GOKU: Don't change the subject, Gohan.
{FWOOM}
(Sniff sniff)... Who's cooking pork?
WAAAAAH! GOHAN: Dad, hold still!
[Goku continues to wail] Uh, geez, uh... listen, I gotta make this quick.
If you enjoyed this episode, please like and subscribe. And if you wanna see other content from Team Four Star, check out their gaming channel.
GOKU: THE FIRE'S SPREAD TO MY GLOVES!
GOHAN: Oh no... uh... eh,
check out TFS plays Naruto Shippuden Ultimate Ninja Storm 4, and uh, oh and Guns of Icarus, where TFS and the Super Best Friends go up against Normal Boots, including JonTron.
GOKU: WHY DID I BLOW UP THE TUB?!
GOHAN: STOP, DROP AND ROLL DAD!
Oh, they have a patreon too! Donate there to support the team! And, um, uh Shark Robot! Uh, shirts! I helped make a shirt commercial once ya know. I'm, ah-ha, kind of a voice actor...
GOKU: OK, good news Gohan, I put out the fire...
GOHAN: Oh, thank goodness.
GOKU: Bad news is, I set the door on fire.
GOHAN: Dad, NO!