(heartfelt music)
- [Man] We're having a baby.
How does that make you feel?
(woman giggles)
- I think my immediate reaction
is just very, very excited,
and I am so, like, it sounds cliche,
but full of love, you know, expecting,
but I mean, there's also obviously a ton of nerves involved.
So nerve-cited, nervous excited. (laughs)
- [Man] What hopes and dreams do you have for him?
(woman laughs)
- What hopes and dreams do I have for him?
I hope that his life is filled with people
who love and care for him,
and who can teach him how to be
an empathic person in the world
and a caring person in the world,
and I hope that his life,
he finds a lot of meaning in his life
and a lot of connection in his life.
And I, yeah, that's what I hope the most for him.
- [Man] What if our child has schizophrenia?
(woman sighs)
- Yeah.
That's something that I have been afraid of
ever since I got the diagnosis,
and there was a period of time
where I didn't want to have kids
because I was primarily afraid of passing it on.
And I was also afraid of my abilities
to be an adequate mother.
But in terms of whether or not
our child will have schizophrenia,
you know, that's something that comes up a lot from people
who criticize our decision to have a child.
And that hurts my feelings
for a few different reasons because, you know,
that's kind of saying that I shouldn't have been born
because I have schizophrenia.
And I don't feel that way.
I don't agree with that sentiment.
I think that I, there have definitely been times
where I wished that I wasn't born,
but on the whole where I'm at now,
I'm very grateful to be alive
and to have lived the life that I've lived,
and I've found I've been able to find
great meaning in my life.
And so if my child has schizophrenia,
I hope that he will be able to find
the same sort of self-acceptance and meaning in his life.
And I hope that, you know,
heaven forbid he does have schizophrenia,
I, along with Rob, will be really great, you now,
guides through that.
I will be able to really empathize
with what he's going through
and hopefully be able to teach him, or, you know,
lead by example in terms of how to manage it.
- [Man] What do you think will be the most difficult part
of being a new mom?
- Gosh, a lot of things.
I am someone, I think largely because of my illness,
who is very dependent on regular sleep,
and I just don't think that that's going to happen
or it's going to be a challenge,
so I think that that's going to be a really hard thing.
I've never been a mom to an infant before,
so learning everything for the first time
is going to be a challenge.
You know, taking on this role as a new mom
to an infant with two other older kids
is also kind of something that I'm nervous about
and I think is going to be challenging,
but, you know, I think it'll work out.
I think we'll all find how we all fit together
tackling this new challenge,
and I think it'll be okay.
- [Man] What do you want our future son to know
about who you are right now?
- You know, it kind of feels like at this point
that everything I've done up to this point
has been to get to this moment of, you know,
welcoming him into this world
and preparing myself and my life
to be able to nourish him as best as possible.
And so I want him to know
that I am so excited for this next chapter with him.
And, you know, I feel as ready as you can be, I guess,
and very open to continuing to learn
and continuing to try to build
as good of a life around him,
myself, and our family as possible
- [Man] What advice would you give our future son?
- If I could talk to our son in the future
the way I am right now,
I think I would want to share with him
my experience of struggle up to this point.
And I would want to, you know, share with him
the challenges that I've faced and,
you know, that life, life isn't always easy.
And so I think really sharing
and, you know, talking with him
about how life is going to be full
of challenges for everyone.
And I think that the greatest advice
that I can give is to
open yourself up as much as possible
within those challenges
to work on self-growth and self-acceptance
and self-compassion.
And, you know, I think that there,
every challenge that we're faced with
provides opportunity for growth.
And so, really sharing how the challenges in my life
have allowed me to grow more as a human
and to have deeper connections in my life.
(heartfelt music)