-Welcome back, everybody.
We are hanging out with Dave Chappelle,
ladies and gentleman. [ Cheers and applause ]
Now -- [ Laughs ] Yeah!
Now, Dave, you are one of my favorite comedians,
one of the best out there,
and you have such a unique perspective,
so I thought that you could help settle some of the biggest
and most important debates of all time.
Are you ready for this?
-I'll do -- I'll do what I can.
-Okay. Let's do it.
It's time for "Dave Chappelle Settles It."
-♪ Dave Chappelle settles it ♪
♪ Dave Chappelle settles it ♪
[ Laughter ]
-All right, here we go.
First up -- small town or big city?
-Depends on what I'm doing.
-[ Laughs] Ah! Okay.
-All right. Obviously, I'm a small-town kind of guy.
-Yeah. Mac 'n' cheese -- fork or spoon?
-You know, I would hate to guess --
A white person must have asked this question.
[ Laughter ]
That's fork food, baby. -Yeah, fork.
You gotta do the fork, yeah.
-Who has soupy mac 'n' cheese?
♪ White people ♪
[ Laughter ]
-All right. Here's something everyone's talking about.
Cryptocurrency or cash?
-Cash rules everything around me.
In fact, I don't think you can buy cryptocurrency without cash.
-[ Laughs ] There you go.
Yeah, that's actually right.
Now we're going to a music topic here.
Ready for this? Jazz or hip-hop?
-Well, that's just not fair.
-Oh! This is the debates of all time.
You have to settle it -- jazz or hip-hop?
Oh, my goodness.
-Jazz. Sorry, Tariq.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-A follow-up -- guitar solos or drum solos?
I know you like -- -This is a tough one,
because Amir's sitting over there,
and I know John Mayer's probably watching like,
"Well, what is it?" [ Laughter ]
-I'm a Black dude. Drums all day, baby.
-There you are. Very good.
Next up, "Call of Duty" or "Fortnite"?
-Well, that's easy -- "Call of Duty."
-There you go. [ Laughter ]
"Fortnite" is the crack of video games.
I don't even touch that stuff. [ Laughter ]
-I haven't messed with it, either.
'Cause I know -- I know I'll get addicted to it.
I can't even look at it. -I'm sure.
-I haven't even opened it up. I just know --
-I got my son a copy of "Fortnite,"
I didn't see him for six months. [ Laughter ]
-All right, let's go into fashion here.
Skinny jeans or baggy jeans?
-I'm not even wearing pants right now, Jimmy.
-Okay, very good. [ Laughter ]
-I think, yeah, neither one for me.
Skinny, baggy?
You can't go too skinny. I can't do too skinny jeans.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah. [ Groans ]
Because you'd never wear pants so tight that you have to decide
which leg your penis goes in.
[ Laughter ]
-Summer's coming up.
We need to know, are sandals shoes?
-Oh, now this is a good question.
I'm gonna do a full-throated no on that.
If they were shoes, then the word "sandals" would not exist.
-Wow. That's -- wow.
That was just -- -They'd just call them shoes.
-Yeah, I totally agree.
Do you think Jesus wore sandals?
-Uh, when he wore footwear, I would imagine he did.
[ Laughter ]
You know, I would imagine, in those times,
sandals were a luxury item.
-Yeah, that's what I think, too.
-Could you imagine if I time-travelled
and went back to biblical times with some Timberlands on?
I would blow their [bleep] minds.
[ Laughter ]
-Oh, we have I big one here. This one's -- All right.
Best chicken sandwich -- Chick-fil-A or Popeyes?
-You know, I'm gonna -- I don't know that I've
eaten either of those chicken sandwiches,
but that Popeyes one looks like it really caught traction.
[ Laughter ]
-It is -- It is kind of insane. It's unbelievable.
I know you like music, so I keep going back to music.
Best way to enjoy a concert -- standing or sitting?
I wrote this one.
-Okay. This is a very good question.
-Thank you. [ Light laughter ]
-I'm gonna have to say, if I'm at a music show,
I'd rather be standing. -Correct.
-If I'm at a strip club, I'd rather be sitting.
-All right, all right, okay. [ Laughter ]
All right. Dave, how about this one?
Should you know your neighbors' names?
-I should, but I don't. [ Laughter ]
-Here's another one. Kayak or canoe?
-Uh, I'm a canoe guy.
-I'm a canoe guy, too, but I feel like I could be swayed.
-To the kayak world? -Yeah, I could be in --
-Kayak people look weird. They just look lonely.
The one stick, and the... [ Laughter ]
It just looks like -- You know what I mean?
-All right, which is better -- finished basement or nice yard?
-Ooh, boy. Now this is a poor-person question.
[ Laughter ]
Kind of person with my kind of money is gonna be,
"Should I finish the basement or mow the grass?"
[ Laughter ]
-Yeah, all right.
-Finished basement. Final answer.
-There you go.
When it comes to cooking, half-baked or infused?
Ah! A little inside fun for you.
-All right. Uh, uh...
You know what, man? I went through one of those
weed-infused dinners once.
We was talking about mac 'n' cheese.
I ate this mac 'n' cheese. I didn't know it had weed in it.
And then I saw my mother, and she goes, "Son, you look tired,"
and I said "Mama, I'm high on mac 'n' cheese."
[ Laughter ]
She knew something was wrong,
because I was eating it with a spoon.
Nailed it. -Aw! Come on!
That's how you do it! Come on, now.
Dave Chappelle, ladies and gentlemen!
That's how you do it right there!
That's what I'm talking about!
Check out his podcast, "The Midnight Miracle,"
available now on Luminary.