Some powerful positive parenting tips for you today.
Four things that you must say to your kids daily.
Hi, I'm Dr. Paul Jenkins a clinical psychologist. I have specialized through my career working with
children adolescents and their families especially when it comes to positivity and positive parenting.
These four things are essential to say to your kids daily and we'll take them in reverse order.
Oka,y when I say that you must say these things to your kids daily what I mean is that sometimes
you'll use words. Did you track that? So you're going to communicate these things to your children.
You're going to keep these foremost in your mind. You may or may not actually speak them as words.
But these are the four things let's start with number four. Number four is good luck.
Now, what do I mean by that? Your children regardless of their age are controlling their own
life. We teach a whole model in our parent coaching programs about how that control is determined by
the level of maturity that your child has. The short version is the more mature you are the
more control you get to have. But even infants and babies and toddlers have some level of control.
As parents, we got to figure out what we control and what we don't.
The message that we're sending to our children is good luck meaning you're controlling your life
I hope for and wish for good things for you. But that's your responsibility not mine. See, if you can
wrap your head around that for a minute. We become way too control freakish as parents sometimes.
If you don't believe that just ask your kids they'll tell you. I just gave you number four
here's number three you can handle this. Sometimes we inadvertently send a completely different
message to our children because we become what used to be referred to as helicopter parents.
Have you heard that term before? A helicopter parent picture yourself hovering over your
child and swooping in at any point to rescue them from whatever is going on in their life.
This sends the message that they can't handle it or we jump into quote help them with something
that they are fully capable of doing. We do it for them or we remind them all of these things
send a message, "Oh, I don't think you can handle it. I'm the person who needs to be tracking this
and handling it because obviously you can't handle it." That's not the message we want to send. The
thing that we want to tell our children every day is you can handle it. Let me get to the psychology
behind this too because the number one belief that drives fear and anxiety is I can't handle it.
At some level, every fear gets tied back to that. Think about your own fears and
you'll see the truth of this it has to do with something that you don't think you can handle.
My life experience and my clinical experience tells me you can handle it and so can your kids.
I have seen kids handle some of the hardest things you can ever imagine including abduction,
loss of both parents, kidnapping, and I'm picking some extreme ones on purpose because those
kids have handled it one way or another. Now I get challenged about that sometimes what if they die?
Okay, that's a whole different conversation because spoiler alert everybody dies at some point not to
sound insensitive but that's one of the potential outcomes and a certain exit strategy for all of us
who are involved here on planet earth. So let's not get distracted by that. When we go through
a difficult thing on the other end of it we can look back and see that we handled it and you've
got a hundred percent track record so far and so do your kids. You've already handled everything
so far. Let's send that message consistently to our kids, you can handle it. Hey, before I
share number two and number one with you let's get you connected to this channel in a way that
can support you ongoing in your parenting efforts. Click that subscribe button hit the notification
bell and we'll be bringing these videos to you on a regular basis. Here's message number two another
thing that you need to say to your kids every day whether it's in a message or in spoken format
either way here's the message, "If you have any questions ask." Okay, if you have any questions ask.
Remember in message number four good luck that's an acknowledgment of who's controlling their life.
So we're coming back to that message number two if you have any questions ask. I'm not controlling
your life but I'm here as a trusted consultant. As someone who loves you and has some perspective
and please come to me if you have any questions. This is also an acknowledgment that unwanted
advice even for kids and especially for grown kids adult children. If you have adult children
unsolicited advice completely unwanted and you can tell because they didn't ask for it. So wait for
them to ask and then be ready to provide that sagely wisdom and counsel and advice as they
ask for it. If you have any questions ask. I told you we're doing these in reverse order because
this is the most important one the thing your kids need to hear from you every day, "I love you
no matter what and even if", that's it. This is your job as a parent. I talk to parents all
the time who are confused about their job. They think their job is to make sure that their kids
whatever fill in the blanks. Make sure that they really we're not very good at that as parents
we fail constantly at that job. I'm firing you from that job your job is to love them no matter what
and even if and that's the most important message that you have to send to your children every day.
Whether you say it, whether you show it, they need to feel it. I love you no matter what and even if.
That's the most powerful message that they've got to hear on a daily basis. Did those messages
resonate with you? If they did I think you're ready for this next one. It's about how to teach
children responsibility. Vicki and I will share five powerful secrets with you about doing that.
Just click that video that's up next and we'll get started on those five secrets.