[Rachael Hilanny and Gabriel are the first.
We've been married for 10 years now.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
We have three adorable children under the age of nine.
Oh my goodness.
So it's a lot of work.
You know, we grew up different.
We have very different parenting styles.
And, sometimes that gets in the way.
And they know who's bad cop
and who's good cop every now and then, so they know-
Who is bad cop and who is good cop?
Well, I'm the good cop, she's the bad one.
(laughter)
(applause)
So our question is,
how to stay together in front of the kids to avoid-
In front of them. In front of them!
'Cause they know how to work it.
So, that's a great question.
You're not alone.
Because we had that same problem with our son, Duke,
and my buddy who is a child psychologist,
I called him up and I got some advice from him.
And he gave me great advice.
He says, "Kids are like the old ladies
"playing the slot machines in the casinos, right?
"The reason they keep coming back is
"'cause it gives them a variable outcome."
Pays off on the third pull, the 30th pull, the fourth pull.
If it doesn't pay off,
they don't come back and play the slot machines.
So you can't pay off, right?
These kids will break you down-
Yes, yes!
And they will figure out who's gonna pay off this time,
and they're gonna keep pulling that slot machine,
so you have to be so unified.
They will exploit you, it doesn't matter what age.
I mean, they are so intuitive.
Oh it's three of them, yeah.
We would have moments in front of our son,
where we weren't agreeing,
and he can sense that.
He's like, here they go!
And so what we had to do
to get on the same page in front of him,
is to get on the same page behind him, right?
So, you need to take time behind the scenes together,
and say, how are we gonna do this?
How are we gonna parent in front of him?
What are we gonna allow, what are we not gonna allow?
And you have to be united in front of him,
and you have to really truly stick to it.
Even if you just agree to say,
we're gonna discuss this,
and you are gonna go sit in your room quietly
and think about this or something.
Take a time out.
And take a time out, right?
You need to get on the same page
before you start flippin' pages in front of the kid.
(laughter) Yeah.
(applause)
Thank you!
Up next are Bridget and Dave.
I am a high school principal in Florida
in a very large district.
And, I decided to run for superintendent of that district.
Wonderful!
Which is an elected situation.
So, our life is about to become really crazy.
So it's already crazy.
We have four children between us.
They range in age from 10 to 22.
So, day to day life is pretty busy.
I wanna support Dave the best way that I can
and we're actually considering
taking a leave from work on my end
so that I can be there for him and the kids.
So, our question to you is,
do you have any advice on how we can balance
the work life, this new adventure that we've taken on,
still be there for the kids,
and yet still have that time for one another.
Great question, and it's funny,
my father was a superintendent of schools
when I was a kid, for 20 years.
So, it's a great position.
You know, we need more great school administrators
and teachers, so thank you for all of your hard work.
(applause)
Thankless job, too.
Definitely undervalued.
But I think one thing that we do
when we're faced with a situation like this,
is we always ask ourselves,
is the sacrifice worth the reward?
And it's something that you have to agree on unanimously.
It can't be one or the other.
And the other thing we do is,
when we have a big road ahead of us,
we have what we call my 99 cent solution.
And it's a legal pad.
And often times when you're faced with a big journey ahead,
you tend to catastrophize things in your mind.
But when you take out that legal pad,
you write the pros and the cons down, and you read it back.
It's never nearly as bad
as it played out in your mind, right?
So, you're probably coming up
with all these crazy scenarios.
He's gonna be here, and I'm never gonna see him,
and the kids aren't gonna see him.
But when you break it down,
and when you write it on that legal pad,
it's a lot more manageable.
And once you come to an agreement, no going back.
You can't use it as leverage
and try to guilt the other person,
it's a guilt-free zone from that point on.
And as someone who has a career, and is a mom, and a wife,
I get asked about work-life balance a lot.
It's something so many of us struggle with.
So I like something called the 100-100 rule I came up with.
So when I'm at work, I focus 100% to work.
I don't get kind of sidetracked talking to my mom,
which trust me, I could talk to my mom for hours at a time.
And that's it, when I get home at night,
we put our phone in a basket,
and we focus 100% on family.
The kids, they notice, whatever age they are.
You're on that phone, ya, ya, I'll be right there.
They see that, it speaks volumes to them,
that you're not listening to them,
and then you feel bad about it.
So really focusing 100% at home,
and you feel like, ya know what, I did all my work today.
We were doing our stuff, we did what we needed to do,
now it's time to be with the family,
and you can lessen the guilt.
It's never gonna be perfect, but it's a great start.
And one other thing we did too, is our son has a codeword,
so if we are on the phone for something,
and it's something really important, he says "diamond".
'Cause diamond's important, we know that, we hang up.
Like okay, we're gonna call this person back.
If he says "diamond", that's kind of his codeword,
and we're off the phone.
I need to school John about these things.
(laughter)
The phone basket, and the codeword.
(applause)
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(cheering)
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