I couldn't imagine life without sport, whether you're trans or
not, transgender or not, I think if you're a sportsperson, or
even if you just, you don't even have to be a sportsperson, just
someone who loves sport, you should be able to get out there
and do it. For me, it's a big part of my life, and I think
till the day I die it will be.
When people talk to me about being an icon, a pioneer and all
of these things, it's kind of odd to me, because back in those
days, I didn't think there would be anyone following me. And my
main concern was that people were thinking I was a cheat of
some kind. I didn't realise I was fighting for anyone's future
but mine to be honest.
It was very hard for me as a kid to pursue being my true self. So
I suppose sport became that outlet for me. And that was
fine, that actually helped me a lot and probably made me strong
in the way that I had to be that person in order to survive
because otherwise. If I'd have come out and been my true self,
I probably would have been bullied. So I tried to be
probably the most masculine person I could be because that
helped me. It's probably a lot of an overcompensation. So I
sort of got to the stage at 20 I think 26 and then I started
doing some aerobics competition. The reason why I gravitated
towards being an aerobics competitor, is because then I
could pursue my true self, because it was such a more
inclusive environment like there was gay people, there was a lot
of women competing. And I wasn't particularly great at it, I was
a better sprinter and a better rugby player, but I think that
really helped me become who I am now. Because I no longer felt
that there was something wrong with me and I could do it. And
it took me probably 28, 29 and I realised I really need to do
this. And that was probably the time that I decided and it was
more that I didn't want to be ridiculed and mocked by people
for being considered a weirdo, I just wanted to fit in. I just
didn't think I would survive if I continued on as a male because
I just couldn't do it anymore.
I didn't really get into sport until a little bit after I
transitioned actually. So in the early 1980s, I discovered the
gym and that was weight training in those days. And this was a
very new and big thing that was going on in that time.
I was living with a guy and I was managing a gym and I had all
my friends and we, you know, we had a whole life going, and we
hadn't told anyone about my story and my past because this
was already like 10 years old by 1991. And I'd really move beyond
that, and it wasn't a thing in my life. And now and again, I
guess I would think, well, would there be a problem if someone
found out about my past while I was racing, and I thought maybe
some people might think it wasn't good. But no, I didn't
think it would become the affair that it did eventually become.
Ricky continues to run competitively, but she remains a
burning issue in Australian sport. Here she is now, Ricki
Carne.
It was a complete and utter surprise to me, but what
unfolded was, I was discovering a very generous and welcoming
and open-hearted Australia. I thought I was going to
experience oppression and shaming and marginalising
othering, and it was completely the opposite. I just discovered
this wonderful, generous Australia who was going to give
me the benefit of the doubt and also say that people come in all
kinds and that everyone deserves to be who they are and live
their life and explore their full potentials in life.
I didn't really have a problem, per se. It was more in 2005 when
my past came out, and I confided in a coach and he was my
representative coach. And he went around telling a few
people, he made it a little bit difficult for me, that's when it
all started. That 2005 was sort of my annus horribilis. I was
beaten up by seven teammates, clubmates. And I wasn't pretty,
very well received in the Sydney rep team at the time. That year
was really tough, I really felt my humanity being taken away. I
just didn't have any rights and I didn't have a voice no matter
what I said. I was a pretty bad person in these people's eyes. I
felt like they were annoyed because I didn't reveal that I
was trans at the start, so then it even became worse. But I was
also told by my coaches not to reveal that I was trans, because
I wouldn't make any rep teams. So sort of like a catch 22
situation.
There were some really positive and good experiences, and there
were some negative ones too. So, I'd say my sporting experiences
as trans athletes have been pretty mixed bag. I think
there's still a long way to go, especially at the elite level. I
think a lot of people are like, oh, well, you know, trans people
can play community sport. And I think a lot of people don't know
what a trans person goes through, that's where the
misinformation is. So I think if we can get the education out
there, like you get the trans exclusionary radical feminists,
saying we're male bodied. Well, we're not male bodied, because
we've been through a hormone therapy. Some people opt not to
have surgery for me, I had it. And that changes your body and
changes, you know that you are female. So I think we need to
have that education out there to make it better for people.
I feel that this whole debate has become very poisonous, and
it's become full of assumption. And it's become full of parties
defending rights and arguing their rights above the other.
And I think that it's creating a little bit of a cultural rift
that shouldn't be there. I hope that the future for transgender
women in sport is one where we're able to find that proper
balance of fairness and inclusion, and everybody can
find a place to play in sport.