- As a kid, when I got home from school,
my parents would ask if I had received any grades that day.
And God forbid I didn't get a 100 on an exam.
Some of my friends would get a B
and their parents would say, "That's great, son!
"So proud of you.
"You get to choose dessert tonight."
But me?
If I got a 97 on an exam, my parents would ask me,
in Armenian (speaking in foreign language)
If you have immigrant parents,
then you probably know exactly what I'm talking about.
High expectations, no excuses, the whole thing.
And if you don't have immigrant parents?
This might all sound foreign to you.
If you don't know me, I'm Dr. Shemmassian.
I've been helping high-achieving students
get into top medical schools
and elite colleges for nearly 20 years.
I wanna share with you what growing up
with immigrant parents taught me.
At times, they were insanely tough on me
and I wished they would back off.
But now, as a husband, father, and mentor to many students,
I couldn't be more grateful for their tough love.
Before I get into the lessons I learned from my parents,
I'll share a bit about my family's background
and why my parents raised me the way they did.
I'm ethnically 100% Armenian.
During World War I, my ancestors experienced
the Armenian Genocide at the hands of the Ottoman Empire.
Some of my family members who survived
settled in various parts of the Middle East.
My parents were born and raised in Lebanon
and they met in Beirut during their college years.
Decades ago,
Beirut was known as the Paris of the Middle East.
My mom never misses an opportunity to share this.
And, by all accounts,
it was a wonderful place to live.
Beautiful weather, beaches, incredible food,
great quality of life.
But in 1975 started the Lebanese Civil War,
which lasted over 15 years.
Beirut saw the worst of the conflicts.
To this day, you can see the impact of the war
all over the city, especially through the damage done
to various downtown buildings.
Unfortunately, my family was once again displaced.
Fortunately, they settled in the United States.
Mostly in Los Angeles where I was born and raised.
My parents hustled.
My dad worked at a watch store inside a shopping mall
while pursuing his PhD.
My mom worked at various schools as a teacher's aide
for years before receiving her credentials.
At times, they lived in the States without a Green Card.
Despite all of their sacrifices and hard work,
it was a long time before they enjoyed true security.
Like many other immigrant parents,
my mom and dad wanted an easier life for my brother and me.
Finances were always tight,
but they knew that education would be a ticket
for us to build comfortable lives for ourselves
and our future families.
So, they pushed hard and never backed down.
All right, back to the story about disappointing my parents
when I scored a 97% on an exam.
Even if I received the highest grade in the class,
they wanted to know what I missed
so that I would improve moving forward.
At times, it wasn't easy growing up
with that level of pressure.
I often felt like I was letting them down,
even though I knew they wanted the best for me.
All right, side note.
If you're a parent watching this, trust me, I get it.
You want your child to achieve at the highest level
so they can benefit from your sacrifices.
Sometimes, students and parents ask me,
"What makes your consulting services different?"
Part of it is that we push our students hard,
not in a military drill sergeant sort of way,
but in a way that brings out their best work.
Whether an essay needs four rounds or eight rounds of edits
doesn't matter; we don't green light essays
until they're ready to submit.
That work ethic, that pushing our students
until they produce their best work,
that could easily be traced back to my parents.
However, I don't agree
with everything my parents wanted for me.
I remember they would often talk
about how I should go to school and get a good job
with benefits so that I could have security
and live comfortably.
Don't get me wrong, these are all good things.
And it makes sense that my parents would prioritize security
for my brother and me because they lacked it
during various seasons of life,
whether it was their threatened safety
during the Lebanese Civil War,
years of working low-paying jobs
when they did not have Green Cards, and so on.
These feelings of insecurity
led my parents to push me to be successful,
but only in certain ways.
For example, they wanted me to go to a good university,
but not too far from home.
I went to a high school
with very minimal college counseling.
In its 50 plus years of existence,
I'm the only student from my high school
who attended an Ivy League school,
let alone graduated with a 3.9 GPA.
When my parents reflect on my education at Cornell,
they often say it's one of the best decisions I ever made.
But at the time?
I remember how, shortly after I got in, my dad asked me,
"Are you sure you'll make it?
"Those schools are for really smart kids."
I was pretty crushed
because I thought he didn't believe in me, but looking back,
I think that me leaving home
more so challenged his comfort zone, his sense of security.
My parents also questioned me when I started Shemmassian
to help students get into top schools.
I wanted other students to have the admissions support
I never did, but my parents asked me
why I would start a business
rather than pursue a salaried job.
Once again, my decision
challenged their desire for stability.
If I had followed my parents' wishes at every step,
my life would look very different.
Not bad different,
but I don't think I would reach my potential.
In addition, I don't think that I would be able to help
our students reach their potential.
If you're a student
currently going through an admissions process,
or plan to sometime in the next few years,
you know how negative the chatter around you can be.
You question yourself.
"Are my grades good enough?"
"Yes, I know I'm competitive on paper,
"but I feel like everyone else is, too."
"I know my stats are high, but do you actually think
"that I can get into Harvard Medical School?"
While it's typical to worry about things like this,
the discouragement can sometimes lead you
to not put your best foot forward.
You might decide not to apply to your dream schools,
decide not to hire professional support for your apps
because, deep down, you don't believe
that you can get in, so why bother?
Ironically, my dad would also often rhetorically ask,
"People who accomplish great things are human,
"just like you.
"So why not you?
"Why can't you do it?"
So, that's the question I'll pose to you.
Why not you?
Think about that question carefully and bet on yourself.
Even if you don't accomplish everything you wanted,
it beats having to wonder what if?
What if I had tried?
What if I hadn't been so anxious?"
In closing, high accountability, hard work,
and taking chances pay off in the end.
While the process isn't always fun, the rewards are.
Plus, you don't even have to be an immigrant
to buy into this philosophy.
So, there you have it,
the lessons I learned from my immigrant parents.
Now, I'd love to hear from you.
What are the most important lessons
that you learned from your parents?
Leave a note in the Comments section.
And if you're a parent watching this,
I'd love to learn the lessons you've worked hard
to instill in your children.
With that, I'll wrap up and leave some useful resources
in the Description section.
If you enjoyed this video, hit that like button
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Finally, I encourage you to check out the other videos
that popped up on the screen.
If you don't click anything,
my parents will be very disappointed in you.
My mom might even come up to you and ask,
"What happened to the clicks?"
Alright, see you next time!
(soft music)