FOLSK, AS I SAID REPEATEDLY IN THIS SHOW, AS IF I HAVE SOME
SORT OF CONDITION THAT FORCES ME TO REPEAT IT, TOMORROW IS
THANKSGIVING.
TOMORROW IS THANKSGIVING.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
ANYWAY, TOMORROW IS THANKSGIVING.
AND WE'VE GOT A LOT TO BE THANKFUL FOR HERE AT "THE LATE
SHOW," STARTING WITH THIS BOOK "WHOSE BOAT IS THIS BOAT?
COMMENTS THAT DON'T HELP IN THE AFTERMATH OF A HURRICANE."
THIS BOOK WAS WRITTEN, BY ACCIDENT, BY DONALD TRUMP.
ALL OF THE WORDS INSIDE ARE THINGS HE ACTUALLY SAID WHILE
TOURING THE DAMAGE FROM HURRICANE FLORENCE.
AND THANKS TO OUR PUBLISHERS, SIMON & SCHUSTER, ALL PROCEEDS
FROM THE BOOK GO TO DISASTER RELIEF, LIKE "WORLD CENTRAL
KITCHEN," WHICH WAS STARTED BY OUR GUEST TONIGHT,
JOSE ANDRES.
( APPLAUSE )
IF YOU WANT TO HELP, PICK UP YOUR COPY TODAY TO HELP OUT,
OR CHECK IT OUT OF THE LIBRARY FOR FREE, IF YOU HATE HELPING
PEOPLE.
( LAUGHTER )
COEUR D'ALENE LIBRARY, WHICH I DO NOT HAVE TO TELL YOU, WAS
2012'S IDAHO LIBRARY OF THE YEAR.
SUCK IT, NORTH BINGHAM COUNTY PUBLIC LIBRARY!
I DON'T MEAN THAT, NORTH BINGHAM COUNTY PUBLIC LIBRARY.
YOU GUYS ARE THE BOMB!
NOW, YOU MIGHT REMEMBER, A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO, I TOLD YOU
THAT AN UNKNOWN TROUBLEMAKER IN COEUR D'ALENE WAS TAKING BOOKS
AND HIDING THEM AROUND THE LIBRARY SO PATRONS COULDN'T FIND
THEM.
NOW, THEY HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO CATCH THE CULPRIT IN THE ACT,
DESPITE THE LIBRARY'S NEW CAMPAIGN, "IF YOU SEE SOMETHING,
WHISPER SOMETHING."
( LAUGHTER )
ABOUT THIS.
THE BANDIT, EVIDENTALLY, TARGETED LEFT-LEANING BOOKS,
PARTICULARLY ANYTHING THAT WAS CRITICAL OF PRESIDENT TRUMP, AND
THAT INCLUDED "WHOSE BOAT IS THIS BOAT?"
NOW, OBVIOUSLY, FROM YOUR-- YOUR YOU AGREE, WE COULDN'T LET THAT
HAPPEN.
SO A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO, WE CAME UP WITH A SOLUTION.
I DON'T BELIEVE ANYONE SHOULD MESS WITH LIBRARY BOOKS.
SO WE'VE DECIDED TO HELP OUT THE READERS OF COEUR D'ALENE BY
SENDING THEM AN UNHIDE-ABLE EDITION OF "WHOSE BOAT IS THIS
BOAT?" COME ON OUT!
THERE YOU GO!
( APPLAUSE )
SUCKER.
THAT BOOK, WHICH IS AN ACTUAL, FUNCTIONAL, ACTUAL BOOK, IS
THREE FEET BY FOUR FEET-- ALMOST AS BIG AS THE MENU AT THE
CHEESECAKE FACTORY.
AND I'M PROUD TO SAY THAT OUR SPECIAL UNHIDEABLE VERSION OF
"WHOSE BOAT IS THIS BOAD?" HAS MADE ITS WAY TO THE COEUR
D'ALENE PUBLIC LIBRARY.
AND WE'VE GOT SOME EXCLUSIVE FOOTAGE.
HERE WE'VE GOT A FEW LIBRARIANS CARRYING THE BOOK IN AND
UNPACKING IT.
THEY HAD SOME TROUBLE FIGURING OUT WHERE TO SHELF THE BOOK.
SO THEY BROUGHT THE BOOK OVER FOR A LITTLE STORY TIME.
AFTER WHICH, ONE OF THE KIDS FIGURED OUT IT COULD BE USED AS
A TENT.
( LAUGHTER )
HURRICANE RELIEF.
THIS EDITION CAN ALSO SERVE AS TEMPORARY SHELTER!
FINALLY, A COUPLE OF YOUNG READERS DECIDED TO CHECK THE
BOOK OUT, THEN LUGGED IT OUT TO THEIR CAR TO TAKE IT HOME.
FUN FACT: THAT COPY OF THE BOOK WEIGHS 27 POUNDS, SO IF THOSE
KIDS DO A BOOK REPORT ON IT, IT COUNTS AS BOTH "LANGUAGE ARTS"
AND "P.E.," ALTHOUGH--
ALTHOUGH, THEY SHOULD MAKE SURE TO GET IT BACK TO THE LIBRARY ON
TIME.
BECAUSE ANY LATE FEES INCURRED WITH THE OVERSIZED EDITION MUST
BE PAID VIA GIANT NOVELTY CHECK.
AND COEUR D'ALENE'S LIBRARY DIRECTOR, BETTY AMMON, HAS A
MESSAGE FOR THE CULPRIT HIDING ALL OF THOSE BOOKS.
BETTY?
>> ANYTIME A BOOK IS CENSORED, A MILLION MORE PEOPLE WANT TO
READ IT.
AND, SO, THANKS.
>> Stephen: WELL SAID.
WELL SAID, BETTY!
SO PICK UP YOUR COPY OF "WHOSE BOAT IS THIS BOAT" TODAY,
WHEREVER NORMAL-SIZED BOOKS ARE SOLD.
THANK YOU, COEUR D'ALENE PUBLIC LIBRARY!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
THANKS IS TOMORROW.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK