the question I have been asked a lot is how do you know if really need to see a therapist?
and I have struggled to answer this question a little bit because I think what's underneath
the question is really, you know, at what point does someone really absolutely crazy
enough to need help, now this implies that therapy is really only for the broken or to
be used as a last resort, now, I understand there are quite a few costs associated with
therapy, and we'll talk about those, but timing is really important when it comes to getting
help, therapy can be helpful for lots of issues, and it really shouldn't be avoided or put
off as a last resort, I mean, check out this study, the relationship expert, John Gottman
has discovered through his research that couples wait an average of 6 years before seeking
marital therapy.
That means there's 6 years of pain, suffering, anger, frustration, that are leading to a
build up of problems.
People are on the doorstep of divorce before they come in for help.
Now, if they had come in a few years earlier, the odds of success would be much higher.
If you wanna solve your problems, fix your marriage or improve your relationships, is
it really important to you that you just you just put that off until it's an absolute necessity?
or do you want to come in and get some help before the problem gets worse.
Now, I get it, there's a lot of costs associated with therapy and it's important that we make
sure that the benefits of therapy out weigh the costs, so lets talk about the costs for
a minute, Ok, first off the obvious one in money therapy can be really expensive and
with out insurance coverage, it can be a significant burden for people, and one of the things that
I do tell people is that therapy is an investment that pays it's self back over time, a lack
of emotional or relational skills can be very expensive, when you look at just the financial
cost of lost job opportunities or medical bills, not to mention the cost it is having
on your happiness or relationships.
It's important to look at therapy as something that's gonna pay you back for years to come.
Another cost of therapy is time.
Usually therapy takes about an hour a week, but there is also travel time and the time
you spend reading or working on a problem , however unresolved problems also take time
and effort, and they interfere with our ability to get things done another big cost of therapy
is effort.
Therapy requires mental and emotional labor, it requires emotional vulnerability and it
really asks you to stretch and grow, so a lot of people avoid therapy because they're
uncomfortable exerting that emotional effort, and unfortunately when they don't do that
they experience emotional burn out or other draining emotions that are more negative.
Therapy can be exhausting, challenging, facing your demons, and replacing bad habits with
new skills can be a lot of work, so I can understand why people would want to avoid
that, I just don't it's necessarily a good choice, or an intentional decision that people
make when they avoid therapy because it's hard.
the last big cost of therapy is what I think is the number one reason people avoid therapy,
they are worried about stigma, they're worried about how other people are going to think
about them, or how they'll think about themselves if they know they went to therapy.
They might see the idea of going to therapy as meaning that they are broken, deficient,
or bad.
Now that is just not true.
some of the most proficient and powerful and high functioning CEO's see a live coach or
an executive coach or a therapist every single week because they know that it's gonna improve
their performance.
so, let go of the idea that therapy is only for broken, bad, or deficient people.
therapy is for people who want to change, improve, and grow.
And I believe almost everyone wants those things in their life.
so what are some of the benefits of therapy?
I mean, we're talking about improved emotional coping skills, so your emotions do weigh you
down, we're talking about better relationships, healthier kids, healthier marriages, we're
talking about the ability to function better at work to get along with your team better,
to be more productive, and to be able to more things that we were previously avoiding, most
importantly, going to therapy can help people reach greater peace and happiness in their
life.
Therapy can a positive impact on you and your descendants for generations to come.
so, assuming that your wondering if you need therapy, here is a couple of definite yesess,
like, if this is the case, you need therapy, number one, if you're suicidal, ok, obviously,
go get some help, number two, you're not functioning, your emotions, or your relationship problems
are getting in the way of your ability to do school, your work, or relationships, so
for some people this might look like you're unable to leave the house, or your so afraid
of bridges that you won't drive to a location you need to get to if your mental emotional
or relational issues are interfering with your functioning, you should go get some help.
Number three, you think your fine, but everyone around you is saying you need to get some
help.
that's a good indication that you're blinded to your own issues and seeing a therapist
could really help.
Now, here are some reasons that you might need therapy, or you could benefit from therapy
but you know, the costs and the benefits, you'll have to weigh them carefully, your
emotions overwhelm you and get in the way of your functioning.
you've had an intense experience that keeps you from being able to concentrate or function
well.
You're using substances to cope, some people call this self medicating, as if that makes
it ok, but if you're dependent on drugs, alcohol, food, or addictive behaviors to manage your
emotions then you could really benefit from getting some help.
here's one people don't think about a lot, but physical symptoms, so if you have stomach
aches, head aches, or frequent illnesses or you have illnesses that you can't explain
or just won't go away, these might have an emotional aspect to them that's contributing
to or causing them , you getting bad feed back at work, or you've been fired repeatedly
your relationships are strained, you've got a persistent problem that you've tried over
and over again to overcome, but nothing you've tried has worked.
So a therapist is a specialist in the change process.
they know how to help people go from step A to B to C and help them get to where they
want to be.
so if you've got a persistent problem, keeps coming back, you keep trying to change, but
failing, try getting a second opinion on it.
on thing that many people don't realize they can go to a therapist for is helping someone
that they love.
so if you have someone you love and care about and that you think they need help but they
won't go in, then you can go to a therapist yourself to get ideas resources training,
education and support as to how to help them.
on the other hand, if you're making progress towards your goals, if your able to change
yourself, if your working, even if it's slowly, towards resolving each of your problems little
by little, and you feel like you have the resources and support to do that, you might
be able to to get by by your self, if your functioning at work, your relation ships are
pretty good, and your not experiencing physical problems, then perhaps you don't need a therapist.
Therapists are professionals in the change process.
and there's really good research out there showing that around 80% of people who go to
therapy experience significant improvement in their presenting problem.
so when I get asked, how do you know if you rally need therapy, I'm inclined to ask some
questions in response.
how long do you want to experience this problem before you ask for help, what are the costs
you're worried about, do they outweigh the benefits?
what are you missing out on in your life that's bothering you? or would you like to learn
about resources and solutions that your not even aware of. in order to help you solve
your problem.
I hope this video helps you decide if you need therapy, thanks for watching, take care.