you can swim in my tears that's how much
I cried so I went into law school no I'd
ready to work hard but not really
understanding what I was getting into I
feel like I blocked a lot of it out a
law school is traumatizing it basically
you're with the same 80 people for all
of your classes the entire first year of
law school you would end class and stand
outside and just like talk to each other
about law school and little groups like
you huddle in little groups about how
much you hate law school and then
shuffle over to the library together
yeah together like all right I got a
flamingo so cold calling is basically
you're in class and then the professor
it calls on people so he might say Tina
like what was the courts rationale and
like well what did the dissenting
opinion say and not only that question
so you know if your professor called on
you you're gonna be cold cold for the
entire case so you better know it inside
and out make inferences about it like
have an in-form like critical opinion of
the case and he might like leave you for
a little bit and then come back and be
like Tina what what happened in Palsgraf
right and you think you're safe for that
moment that he leaves there like I got
this ice play queen you walk away
thinking do Beyonce and then come back
and get hit in the face again with
questions that you can answer no idea
that's going on so this class he did a
little differently he would write a
letter on the board and so you would
walk in look at the board it's like oh
yes less the letter is s my last name
starts with a C I'm safe for today you
knew right at the get-go if you weren't
gonna be on calls he kind of relaxed but
if you're numb your letter was on the
board you're just like scared I never
missed a class people don't miss class
in law school also by the way anyway so
I missed this class because I had a
doctor's appointment that was the day
that my letter was on the board and I
had text messages from like 10 people in
class asking me where I was so I guess
my professor called my name like
three times and I wasn't there and it
was actually so humiliating the
professor I don't think even remembers
that probably but like you every single
day feels so ashamed embarrassed like
scared like nothing's gonna happen if
you get cold cold and don't know the
answer
it's definitely public shaming yeah on
my birthday we took our first criminal
law exam I slept through my class the
next day through that morning and I
missed class so 12 o'clock from rolls
around I wake up I don't really know how
sober I am but you can't miss class so I
throw on my girly pink running shorts I
run from the Mission District through it
to the Tenderloin which is like a 10-15
minute run so I'm covered in sweat I
have Pedialyte as my breakfast and I
have my aviator sunglasses and I stroll
into class and I'm like yes I've got
this I don't got this so I think but
everybody's already staring at me
because I'm supposed to be on call and
it's super procedure I have no idea
what's going on
the professor is sitting in front of our
lecture he turns to me and we make eye
contact and for a moment in my life I'm
like this is it this is this is when I
go mom I'm sorry I love you I shamed you
so I felt myself about to throw up and
we're locking eyes and I can feel it
like a chipmunk just culminating into my
mouth because I'm so nervous by this
time I'm the marathon runner I just ran
to the tenderloin I just ran to school
so I run into the bathroom and he didn't
even call on me so I puke in the
bathroom for no reason
and I'm too ashamed to go back into the
class so my ride-or-die Law School homey
she luckily picks up my stuff and just
kind of walks it out and everyone just
forgets that ever happened it was
traumatizing though
ruin that that so I was sent to Texas
from moot court and it was the Houston
competition a MOOC where is like mock
trial but it's a little different it's
less exciting and theatrical I think we
don't get to yell out I object and you
can't handle the truth one a really old
lawyer man comes up to us and he was
just talking to us it was really early
in the morning and he looks at me and
goes I'm surprised they let women argue
silence from our table and we're from
San Francisco area so we're not used to
the type of discrimination or at least
I'm not used to the type of
discrimination that I would have to face
in Texas and without missing a beat I
just looked at him and it was like I
look forward to surprising everybody and
it was something that I necessarily
wasn't prepared for coming in to law
school like I didn't realize how much
bias and prejudice I would get from
current attorneys especially being a
woman of color first generation law but
it was something in Texas that kind of
hit me in the face and that was my
terrible experience it like just threw
me for the whole competition so I did
end up rolling my eyes and saying like
mmhmm oh I got a little feisty yeah well
attitude over there yeah I would leave I
feel like we didn't get very far
yeah that's nervous probably yeah you're
gonna I'm a band from Texas yeah goodbye
I had an exam it was my first year of
law school my first semester so it was
one of my first exams and I studied a
lot I felt fine just as I'm ready to get
into the exam I go to the library to
like just review things very quickly
before going into the classroom and I
look over to my left and there's a girl
in my class a smart girl like someone
who should be feeling better than me is
saw being
in a study room like crying sobbing that
just really tore up my life a confession
session it wasn't me what I walked into
my Civil Procedure class which is funny
because I'm an attorney now and I do
nothing but Civil Procedure but in law
school it's terrifying I walk in I sit
down my little sister was hyping me up
all day she was just like you got this
you slay walk in there like you own it I
do and then I open the first page of my
booklet I look down and I start bawling
in the exam room just crying and I try
to look cute because I figure if I'm
gonna fail I'm gonna look fly as I fail
and I did it mascara was running
everywhere my cat I was not cute like it
is it was everywhere half of my eyebrow
wasn't even done I don't even know how
that happened it was a trauma of Civil
Procedure and so I had to work through
tears and my laptop wasn't great now
there's water everywhere it's gonna
explode then I'm gonna burn the school
down accidentally so that is my
confession about how I cry so you did
cry I cry
it really does break you down like
really tests you I don't cry now anymore
except when I'm watching like this is us
yeah you'll cry a lot you will recognize
yourself