You know, I was
worried about you.
I was thinking
like when
you would call Mommy
and she would like,
she says,
you would feel
like worried
about you
and stuff, you know?
But then the fact
there's the fact
that I know, like
from her, like the way
we watched her raise us,
she raised three black,
three black
men to grow up,
be strong, you know?
I always knew
you would be oay.
And I'm glad to see you.
You know, you went from
went from dancing
to-
You know,
you didn't know
what you wanted to do.
Then you went to JetBlue.
Then you was like,
You know what?
Fuck that
I'm gonna be a flight attendant.
Why the hell am I crying?
I mean look at you. This is stupid.
Nah. Buy what did you learn
from that?
I learned to...
I learned to always
keep my head up
and be strong.
Oh, that's
a great example.
I'm proud
that you can learn that
from my vulnerability
because that was
very difficult for me.
I think
whenever you have,
like a childhood
trauma,
it's always difficult
healing
because you have to
be self aware
about where
exactly you are
and where you hurt
and what's your triggers.
And I still cry now,
so I'm always triggered,
but I had to- 'Cause it hurts.
Yeah, it hurts.
But I've grown
and I'm stronger
than I was then.
That's good.
And
yeah, and I'm okay now.
But yeah,
I thought
you were going to.
That probably was.
Yeah,
I was to
to think of something,
you know, as
soon as you said it
I was like: let it rip. I'm like: alright.
You've got permission.
Is it my turn? Yeah, it's your turn.
How were we
raised differently
and how do you think
it affects
our family dynamic?
Well, I could say.
We were raised
differently
because I would say you,
even though mommy
and your father
were split up,
you still have
both of them.
And I mean, so
you could go to
you can go on
certain holidays,
you will go see,
see your dad's
side of family,
then you would
you would stay with us.
But me?
It's just like... I had mommy.
That's all I had.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
So like,
wait, let me see.
how do you think
that affects
our family dynamic?
I mean,
I don't think
it affects our family
dynamic, though.
I mean,
I don't think so either.
I think
because you have a close
relationship with my dad.
I mean, he wasn't there for you-
We actually we
we grew up,
but we lived
in the same room. Right.
We literally shared
the same room, same mom.
And I think that
because like,
my dad's
still there
for you today if you need anything. - Exactly.
I think that
it could have affected
our family dynamic.
But I think that
because we had
positive role models
in our lives
that we figured out a way
to make everything work.
Yeah.
So interesting.
Cheers to our parents,
I guess.
Yeah, thank you mommy.
How am I most like you
And how does that
scare you?
Mm hmm.
I think
I also think
because you've
experienced a lot of life
like me.
Different,
totally different.
I think you are
Strong-Willed
and that scares me
because sometimes
I do think
that, you know,
you feel like, you
know, everything. - Yeah.
And I think,
yeah, and
that's scary for me
sometimes because
I never want to feel
like you're
-aren't opening
to learning anything new.
But then when we
have conversations,
you solidify
that that's not correct
for me. So.
But I think
the biggest fear
that I have
is that you
go into things
sometimes thinking
that you know the answers
when sometimes you don't.
This is a good one.
How would our dynamic
be different
if I was
your younger brother?
Oh! Yeah!
That was a good one.
Honestly,
I would say...
Damn, that's a...
Well,
that was a good question.
I feel like I would have...
I wouldn't have took
the college route
you took, but like it
trade wise,
you know,
I felt like
I would have been like
either like a four minute
something like
in construction. Mm hmm.
And then I most
definitely would've
moved out of Boston.
I was tired of Boston,
either like Atlanta
or California. - Okay. - Yeah.
Do you feel like
you would
have done for me
what I've done
for you over the years? - Of course.
Um, I think that
I would feel secure.
Because of our
mom,
that you would have
it together
enough for me to be okay.
Yeah,
because she- the way
I was thinking that-
I think so.
The way Mommy
raised us,
it's like,
yeah, because
especially
generationally like
if you were 30
and same time
and born early nineties,
I think our mom
was different.
I was
she was 30
when she had me, 40
when she had you.
So she's a
different person,
literally.
I think that
you would be good.
And I think
I think I would be okay.
I think we would be.
I think I'll be OK.
Hold it down.
Was- did I go last?
Nah, I think
it was my turn. Okay.
When you are
the most worried
for me and why?
When are you the most
worried for me and why?
Oh, sometimes
when I see you sleep in,
I'm the most
worried for you.
Sleeping?
You sleep in.
Oh, sleep IN.
Because I'm afraid
that you
not that
you don't have
what it takes
to survive here.
But I think that you.
You underestimate
what it takes to survive here
or to be successful here.
So when I'm out
working out
and you don't come
or anything like that.
That's what I fear
is that
if I'm not,
what if I die tomorrow?
Like,
you know what I mean?
Like,
are you going to be able
to sustain like,
would you be able
to stay in California
by yourself?
You know what I mean?
Like, when, if,
if something like
that was to happen,
would you be okay?
I think that's-
That's what you fear the most?
That's probably what
I fear most
is who would
be a role model
if I'm gone?
I would say,
if anything, I'm most worried
would probably be like
because you're a
flight attendant,
but you haven't flown
in a long time.
It would probably be,
I would say,
when you were in the air.
When I was in the air?
What were you
worried about when I was in the air?
You never know, though.
Like, maybe I'm.
You never know
what happens in planes.
You know,
It's true. You just go down
some as you never know.
No, you're right.
You're right.
I mean, I don't.
I very
seldom get worried
when I'm on a plane now.
But when I first
started flying,
I would get a
little nervous,
especially when
you would have
like little
air pockets or drops.
I think that's
because you
have no control.
You know,
there's some things
in life
that you can control,
and I think
the fear comes
from the idea
of not having control
over certain things.
It's like,
I'm on this little tube
and I'm supposed
to be courageous
for these people,
and then we drop
and I'm supposed
to control my face
to make it look like I'm
not scared as fuck inside
when I'm
shitting bricks.
So, yeah, I could
I could see why.
I think Mommy
was very fearful
of that, too,
when she- didn't
want me to be
a flight attendant.
Yeah, she was
She was mad.
She was like,
You're not doing it.
I'm like,
Honey, I'm 20 years old,
I'm totally doing it.
But I think that was
where she was most
fearful of, too.
A lot of people
are scared.
Are you still
afraid of flying?
Not really.
I mean, no.
You feel better
about it now?
because you were
for a little bit.
Yeah, no.
Because, you know,
I'm scared
of heights, but
I'd rather fly
than drive any day, though. - It's safer.
Just what they say,
right? Yeah.
Oh, this is a good one.
If we weren't siblings,
do you think we'd
be friends?
Why or why not?
I say yes.
Because I think
we would be friends,
because I love
your personality,
even if you
weren't my brother,
I still would love you
for the person you are
because you're
very outgoing
and you know, you're
very charismatic.
A people person. - I think... aw.
Okay. So, okay,
So we would be friends
in your eyes.
I think that my answer is
it would depend
depend on what
part of my life.
I think today.
Yes,
I think back
in the day, no.
And I say that
because one:
the age difference.
But I think that
the way that I
was hurt back then,
I didn't have the courage
to be
the way that I am
now with
straight black men
or black men in general.
I think that I was hurt
so bad
that I wouldn't
be able to be
your friend.
You know what I mean?
Not that you
weren't able to be mine,
but I think that
I'm more capable... - It was a mental thing.
of
being a good friend
to you.
Yeah.
So back then, hell no.
But today, of course,
You're my ride or die.
Last one.
Wow.
We got deep deep.
It was good, huh?
This one is intense.
So if this were to be
our last conversation,
what is something
you never want me
to forget?
That just
made me emotional,
I don't know why.
If this was
our last conversation,
what is something...?
That I'm always
here for you,
no matter what,
no matter what
you're going through.
This is a good question.
What is happening?
I think
if this was our
last conversation,
I would want
you to know that
you can do anything,
anything, anything
that you put your mind to
you can do anything
that you put your mind to
when you
love. - I need to work hard for it.
You love
when you love first,
when you work hard
and when you give. - Yeah.
If you have that formula,
you can do
anything in the world.
And that's
if there's anything
I can teach you
-what the hell?
If there's anything I can teach you.
It would be that
with love,
with the giving spirit
and with hard work,
you can
accomplish anything.
You basically
said it all.
I can't even see.
Yeah, just- - Thank you.
to not forget...
Yeah,
I'll always
be here for you.
Like I said,
even though you know, I'm
a younger brother,
but you know, I,
you know, I'm
like an old soul.
So, you know, well,
if this is our
last conversation,
you won't be here for me.
Yeah, right.
I didn't read the time file.
If this is our last conversation.
So if this is
the last time
that you speak
to me, ever,
what would you
want me to know?
What would you want me
to never forget?
That's still
hard, though,
because he
basically said it
all, huh?
But yeah,
just like I
was keep saying,
like then
I'll always be here
for you.
Never forget that
and I love you.
You're my role model.
You're like a father
figure,
you know? - Always.
Always, my brother.
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and you want to ask
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