I'm trying to be better.
£I guess I'm dating a £girl, what the fuck ever.
I don't know, what I got to do?
£Start believing in God again?
£I believe in God.
I just don't like people who believe in God.
£(audience laughing)
£Does that make sense?
Like, I believe in God.
But then you meet niggas who believe in God.
£You're like, bro, £shut up (laughs).
£(audience laughing)
£You know, people £who like love God.
£Like love God.
£(audience laughing)
£Like, Chance the Rapper, £chill out, nigga (laughs).
£Like, his whole thing £is that he loves God.
£And honestly, I get it, bro.
£Like, even God would be like,
£come on, bro, get off my dick.
There's some hos around (laughs).
£(audience laughing)
£You don't see thick £ass guy over there?
£I don't know what's £wrong with you, bro.
£This is coming from £a place of pain.
£I'm the same age as the dude.
I thought we were gonna grow up,
he was gonna be the voice of my generation.
£He was gonna lead me £through all this life shit,
£and echo everything I £believe in his music.
£And he just did a £hard left on me.
£You know what I mean?
£Like, originally, he came £out with these things
£like "10 Day" "and Acid Rap".
£And I don't know if £you don't know him,
£but like he came out with
£this music where £I related to him.
£You know, he was £talking about girls.
£He was talking about £hating white people.
£(audience laughing)
£You know what I mean?
£He was talking about just, £you know, doing drugs.
£It was great, it £was a great time.
£But I don't know, he just hit £this hard left on everybody.
£You know what I mean?
£Out of no where, £he was just like,
£hey, man, I got a £baby, a mortgage,
£and I'm thinking about £running for mayor.
I'm like, nigga, I don't have a bed frame.
£Slow down.
£(audience laughing)
£I only brought this £up because I went
£to go see him at this place £called Austin City Limits.
£It's a wonderful £festival in Austin.
£It's a great time.
£And I went there £to go see Chance.
£And I was on drugs £'cause he came out
with this tape called "Acid Rap"
£and I thought it was gonna £be like a drug experience.
£And I was on shrooms, £not regular shrooms.
£You're like, oh, £the grass is wiggly.
I was on shroom shrooms.
£I was like, yo, I know who £killed the Lindbergh baby.
£(audience laughing)
£And so, I stood in £the way, way back
£so I could do karate chops £and cartwheels and shit.
£(audience laughing)
£And most of y'all have £been to a music festival.
£You know that shit.
As soon as the artist comes out,
£the whole festival £just rushes over.
£So, I was just stuck £in between everybody.
£And the shrooms were £starting to kick in.
£So, it got dark and £sinister and scary.
£And I started thinking about £like demons and spiders
£and how I didn't pull out fast
£enough in that £girl last weekend.
£(audience laughing)
£And how when I went £through her mail,
I didn't know her name.
But she had two or three female roommates.
£So, I really had £to make a decision.
£So, I just left and went home
£and never talked to her again.
£Anyways, Chance £came out (laughs).
£(audience laughing)
£And he did this song £called "All We Got".
£And at the end of £the song, he goes,
£ Music is all we got £
£And the crowd goes,
£ Music is all we got £
£He does it again.
£ Music is all we got £
£Crowd goes,
£ Music is all we got £
And I wanted to join in
£so the shrooms don't £make me scared.
But I didn't realize that he was
gonna hit that hard left on me.
And I also had my throat dry from the shrooms.
£So, he goes,
£ Jesus is all I got £
£And I join, I go (chokes).
£(audience laughing)
£He does it again.
£ Jesus is all I got £
£I got, jah, jah, jah, jah!
I'm like, what the fuck is going on in me?
£And out of nowhere, £my deceased Baptist
£church grandma £whispered in my ear,
£he talking about you, baby.
£I was like, what?
£What the fuck are £you talking about?
£Then out of nowhere, £Chance comes out,
£he was like, I can feel the £devil in the crowd tonight.
£(audience laughing)
£I was like, grandma, £how the fuck
£did you beat this £thing into the joke?
£(audience laughing)
£So, now I'm singing £every single song
£off of this nigga's mixed tape
£like it's my only way £to get into heaven.
And he gets to this song called "No Problem".
£You know what I mean?
£At the beginning of £the song, he goes,
£I don't got no £problems in my life
£'cause I got God on my side.
£So, what I want y'all to do is
£if you see anyone how £don't got God on his side,
I want you to put your hands on him right now,
£and bless them right now.
£(audience laughing)
£And all five white people £around me just went.
£(audience laughing)
£They started shaking £the shit out of me.
£And they didn't even know £the lyrics to "No Problem".
£It's just like, yeah.
£And I'm overthinking this £shit 'cause of the shrooms.
£So, they're standing £in a five point
demonic star around me, speaking in tongues.
£I thought I was in £The Da Vinci Code,
£directed by Jordan Peele.
£This shit was crazy as hell.