so cross-Cultural marriages are quite challenging because there are some big differences in the cultures between
Well: getting married in China and of course getting married in the West
Welcome to another video!
So why have I just put myself through this hell?
Let me set the scene: I'm here in a back alley in Canton otherwise known as Guangzhou
And I'm going to go to a wedding but it's not an ordinary wedding you know I've been to plenty of Chinese weddings
this is a
foreigner marrying a Chinese
Woman. So a foreign man marrying a chinese woman. I'm going to talk about the sort of cross-Cultural marriages in this episode
I've been to plenty I've got some footage from one of my black friends getting married here as well
So stick around we're going to talk about what these marriages, and these weddings are all about
Now the most unfortunate thing about being invited to a wedding in China is that you have to pay
So you have to prepare what's called a "hongbao" like this
The going rate down here in Guangdong is 500 RMB
If they're your friend. You can go as little as 300, but that's in pretty poor taste
So it's expensive
This of course doesn't really matter all that much because it's a bit more of an investment than anything else
For instance the wedding that I attended here was a good friend of mine
and he actually had attended my wedding a few years ago, and he had given me a red packet, so
It evens out and this is something a lot of people kind of count on. You know when they go
To friends weddings, they'll always be very generous
But then when it's their turn to get married they're going to invite all the people, you know
That they've been to their weddings and expects it of a sort of a fat paid paycheck or Windfall at the end of it
So it's kind of cool, and it certainly does help pay for
the wedding
So let's have a serious talk here. There are a couple of myths I have to get out of the way
I have to dispel them. Number one:
I do get asked this a lot people that are planning to live in China, or maybe they're dating a Chinese girl online
and they have ideas of
coming here and retiring here or coming here to get married and then
settling down or perhaps coming here getting married finding a job you know and
Living with their their new wife
Forget about it
China does just does not work like the rest of the world you cannot become a citizen. There's no naturalization process
I know for a fact that if you go to the U.K for instance or America if you get married to a local there
There's a process that you can go through in order to eventually become a citizen of that country and of course
because you're married to a local person you're immediately given certain rights, and
You know you can apply to work and all that kind of thing you can do it if your husband
Or wife is say British or American however here in China
They're still very backwards when it comes to that kind of thing because China is a very homogenous, sort of society
so if you get married to
Doesn't matter if it's you know husband or wife you are only going to be given
What's called a family reunion Visa or a family visiting Visa
Which basically means you're allowed to come and visit your wife or visit your husband but you're not allowed to work on that Visa
you're not allowed to you know do anything that a normal citizen would be able to do you're basically allowed to come here on an
extended holiday
To see your husband or wife
now the length of this visa depends
it starts as low as six months it all depends on the nationality that you are and of course your
circumstances whether whether or not or not you've lived in China before
There's all sorts of things they take into account, and then they give you say six months, maybe a year. I got a two-year Visa
And that's what I should say residence permit. I got a two-year family
reunion residence permit because I've been in China for so long and they could see I had years and years of
Work permits and things like that, so they were like: "Ah it's not really a risk. It's like at two years"
I don't know if it goes any higher than two years, but I'm pretty sure that's kind of the max. Anyway
so at the end of those two years I have to go and renew once again and
You know I had to go in for an interview with my wife when I got this
this family reunion thing and
asked a bunch of questions
and I needed to provide a lot of paperwork and my wife had to provide a lot of paperwork, and it wasn't a
simple thing to do but
it was definitely a lot easier than
getting a work permit, I'll tell you that much. Thing is, like I said, I'm not allowed to work in China
I'm not allowed to do anything other than just sit around and visit my wife
So that's why all my work is now on YouTube because I'm not technically working for a Chinese company
I'm not actually working in China, I'm not taking a job away from anyone in China, so there we go
So I just wanted to dispel that myth
You can't naturalize and become a chinese citizen and get a Chinese passport. You can't work here however
Taiwan and Hong Kong a difference now I know China will say that hong Kong and Taiwan are a part of China
And I'm not here to argue politics, but what I will tell you is that both Taiwan
And Hong Kong have different government systems
And so I have a friend who got married in Hong Kong and immediately he was allowed to start working there
You know he's going through the naturalization process which takes about seven years before he can get his own Hong Kong I.D and passport and stuff and
the same goes for my friend in Taiwan who got married to someone in Taiwan and
Immediately was allowed to start working and you know settle down and all that kind of thing
So I just wanted you all to know that
If you're planning on getting married in the mainland to a mainlander doesn't matter man or woman, you will not actually have any
rights, you will not be able to do anything
here in China, which is incredibly frustrating you know other than visit your spouse. Are you going to be accepted by your
Chinese fiance's family?
Well
It really all comes down to money
Unfortunately, and that's because in China money is God
I'm going to give you a very good example of this: I have an African friend named Elvis, and he's a fantastic guy and
his Chinese fiancee, stunning stunning girl,
her family would not accept him because he was black
And you know this is something that has to be addressed and that is that
Chinese people are incredibly racist and discriminatory when it comes to anyone who's not Chinese
I mean, they're probably one of the most homogenous nations in the world
and they're incredibly they're just very racist and that's because they have for so long not been exposed to
the rest of the World
So if you're anything other than chinese, and I mean it doesn't even matter if you're Korean or Japanese or anything like that
You're going to face a lot of barriers
They're going to be a lot of things put in your way
But let me just tell you his story: so basically the family took a lot of convincing
But after he proved that he had enough money
After he bought him a car and bought a house because that's kind of part of the whole traditional family thing here is to
to make sure you have a house and a car for your Bride-To-be and
Also, the family because they plan to move in with you later
Once he done all of that and proved that he had the income and that he was a decent straightforward guy
They eventually accepted him and they got married and they've been happily married for a number of years now
And in fact, I think she's in Africa with him at the moment, so you know that's just an example of how
money is
probably the most important thing when it comes to being accepted because if the family could overlook this sort of
racist nonsense and you know
eventually allow him to go ahead and get married to her it just shows you that's
What China is all about: it's all about the money
So if you're a woman you really don't need to worry too much because in Chinese society it's all about the man and
The man's family they're the one who has to provide. So as a woman marrying a Chinese husband
He is expected to provide a house for you, a stable situation in other words, he has to have a good job and
Preferably a car as well
But the thing is as a man marrying into a chinese family you're expected to actually pay a dowry
in a lot of cases. Now of course China is getting more and more modern and if you meet a very modern girl and
You know she may be very outspoken and
very wise in the ways of the world you know you probably don't have to worry about a dowry
but if you're marrying somebody from a traditional family
Especially if they're from a rural family
you will be expected to pay a dowry
And it really depends on the family, you know, if they're over low state as you pay later
They're of a high status you pay more. I have a friend who paid
10,000 RMB to get married to his lovely wife and that was an absolute steal
And then again, I have another friend who had to pay 250,000 RMB to his fiance's family
So you know it really depends
I personally did not have to pay any sort of dowry to marry my wife but our circumstances are a little different
you know
Basically what I'm trying to say here is you may be stuck paying a dowry
Anyway, let's brush the whole money thing aside for a while, and let's actually talk about some of the big cultural differences
First thing I'll do is if you're a woman marrying a Chinese man: be prepared for your mother-in-law
to
Pester you non-stop to have a child
I mean literally the day after you're married you can expect her to be giving you self-help books on how to conceive and
Pestering you about having a child and every single time you meet with your family the Chinese family
expects that whole like: "When are you going to have a child?" question to pop up it's incredibly annoying and it's
It's probably probably one of the biggest bugbears of any relationship here is that the traditional Chinese family will
almost want to force you to have children the minute you're married
from a man's perspective
It's also very
Annoying as well because they will every time you meet them be asking about when you're gonna have a child
but of course it's
Less pressure on on the man more pressure on the woman because if you don't have a child they think something's wrong
And it's usually you know you might not want to have a child, but they'll think:
"Oh they don't have a child because they can't it must be something wrong with the... with the bride"
It's silly
remember that China is a still a very traditional sort of a country and
Although I cannot be said for everybody because the younger generation are sort of changing
But you know still as it is people my age and and even younger still have to deal with all those traditional mountains
Be prepared as the man to pay for everything the responsibility is all on you for everything
now of course
Cultural differences are so varied and we're running out of time in this video
But it's not a big deal because if you look through my channel
I've done so many videos with my wife that will make you understand the differences between the two cultures
But not only that on the ADV China channel
We've done videos about getting married, had some pretty in-depth conversation
and of course don't forget my friends C-Milk is also married to a Chinese local and
His channel has got tons of videos with his wife as well and although she did study overseas
So she has a very sort of western mindset
They still have to deal with the family traditional stuff and all that kind of nonsense, too
So I absolutely suggest you go check it all out
Can't wait to see you guys in the next video
I really hope you enjoyed this or found it useful. I know it's a bit of a boring topic for those of you
who are not actually in any kind of relationship with a chinese person, but thanks for sticking around and
'Till next time, you know the drill, stay awesome!