During the busy season, how can I keep from getting all stressed out?
When those times hit is it possible to stay calm and unruffled? I'm working with a tax and
accounting firm and as we get into the tax season it can get a little dicey. What is it
that we need to do psychologically so that we don't get stressed out during those times? So
let's first look at the psychology behind this and I'll give you four practical tips that you
can apply in whatever your challenging times are. Here's the first insight, circumstances are
neutral. Now, I get in trouble for saying that sometimes. Sometimes people fire me because
they don't feel like their circumstances are neutral. Look, when I'm saying circumstances are
neutral I do not mean that they are easy or painless because sometimes our circumstances
are extremely difficult and painful. I get that. But what I do mean is that it could always be
better and it could always be worse. Is that true? The think about it, no matter how bad things seem
it could always be worse. Now, I know this is a little demented perhaps but just think about
the worst thing you can imagine and then imagine something worse than that. Sometimes I think of
those terrorist attacks back on September 11 2001. Do you remember where you were? How could
it possibly get worse than that? One more plane, one more casualty, one more injury. Do you see, it could
always be worse. Is that true the other direction? No matter how good things seem it could always be
better? Yeah, check your bank account if you're unsure. Do you see it? When I say circumstances
are neutral I just mean that our circumstances whatever they are are right here between something
better and something worse. Now, I could go into all the psychology behind this but what I want you
to just notice is that circumstances are neutral. That leads us right into insight number two from
a psychological standpoint, our circumstances are neutral but our thoughts about our circumstances
are definitely not neutral. Part of my job as a psychologist is to illuminate the obvious which is
so cool because I get paid to tell people things I already know but there's obvious things that
are unnoticed and our thoughts are in that realm. We don't notice our own thoughts we just think
them and look either you drive your thoughts or your thoughts are going to drive you. So, I
love to invite my clients to a space of metacognition. That's a fancy psychological word
that just means thinking about thinking and notice right now in this moment that you can do that. You
can think about your own thinking. This is really important because metacognition creates a little
space in that space is where choice exists. Until you see it as a choice it's not and your brain
will just roll with whatever the automatic thoughts are. I want you to notice what you're
thinking. I mentioned that our thoughts are not neutral so you take your circumstances which are
neutral remember and you think about them in a way that's not neutral. For example, this is the busy
season. Okay, now you might be thinking, "Well, it is the busy season Dr Paul, what the heck", it is what
it is. Could it be busier? Uh-huh. could it be less busy? Uh-huh. Do you see it's neutral it's right
in the middle. We call it the busy season because we're comparing it to a season that's not as busy
as this one. But how would it seem if we compared it to a season that is much busier than this one?
That's what I mean. So just notice for a minute that our thoughts are not neutral. I remember
I signed up for a coaching program to help me with some of the business models that I do in my
practice and as I was describing to my coach what was going on in my business she stopped me and she
said, "That's a thought", "No, I'm telling you how it is. I'm telling you what's going on in my business".
She said, "Well, with all due respect Dr Paul you're telling me your thoughts about your business. It
is what it is but you're sharing your thoughts", you know I had never even really thought about
it that way but that coaching was so powerful for me because it helped me to realize that there's
something going on right here that's analyzing all of my circumstances and my thoughts are not
neutral. Now that leads me to insight number three, it's our thoughts that cause our feelings. Whatever
we're thinking about something is what causes our feelings about that thing. Now this is very
important because how we feel affects how we show up and if we really want to show up differently so
that we get different results we have to back it up to the stage of thinking. It's our thinking that
causes our feelings. Let me give you another example from a more clinical standpoint, one
of my clients was saying, "I'm just going into my depressed season", now depressed is in the season
but in her mind, she had thought about every winter she gets depressed. We had a little conversation
about that so that she could see that that was her thought it was in her circumstance and her
thoughts were causing her feelings of dread and apprehension and fear that now I'm going to have a
hard time for the next few months. We did a little bit of an exercise there in the office having her
think differently about the season. What if we were to say, I'm just going into the easiest season of
the year. Also a thought but it's your thoughts that determine your feelings as she shifted that
thought around she started to feel better about the impending winter season. It's our thoughts
that cause our feelings. Hey, I've got four specific tips for you to apply this but I really want you
to understand the model that this is based on. Go to the URL that's on the screen right now
drpauljenkins.com/themodel and I will put a PDF copy of this right in your inbox so that you can
see visually what we're talking about here. Now let's get to those tips, the first tip is handle
the considerations. So, going back to this idea of the busy season, right. This tax and accounting firm
that I'm working with for example they know that there's going to be more work to do in the spring
months before the tax filing deadline, that's just part of the deal. Handling the considerations means
that you make your arrangements for the extra time that you're going to be spending at work to handle
the extra workload. This is the time when you want to make sure that you've covered different things
so that you don't have to worry about it, plan for it. Look, if you can predict something you can plan
for it. Handle the considerations they're real. My second tip is to invite your brain to think
differently. One way that you can do this is through a little game, I used to do this with
the kids around the dinner table. If there was something coming up that they were not
particularly excited about like finals for example, the final exams at school and the game is this
we go around the table and we all share ideas. You know the great thing about finals is and then you
fill it in with whatever comes to your mind then we go to the next person, do it rapid-fire. If it's
just you see if you can come up with five or ten answers to that. You know the great thing about tax
season is... You know the great thing about inventory is and you just pick whatever it is that you've
got story in your brain about. You're inviting your brain to think differently about it and tune into
how that makes you feel. My third tip for you is to up your self-care. Take a moment to think about how
you're going to take care of yourself during this season whether it's a busy season or a challenging
season or whatever story you have in your head about it, you're going to need to take care of
yourself. This at a minimum means that you get enough sleep, that you engage in regular exercise,
that you eat a balanced diet and you take regular time for prayer or meditation to calm your mind
and to get re-centered. Do this intentionally I promise it will help and now my fourth tip,
remain fully present. There's research that shows that when we get anxious or when we feel negative
emotional feelings oftentimes our brain is going somewhere or some when else. Think about it, here
and now right now in this moment what if anything is lacking? Do you have enough air? Do you have
enough food, enough water, enough money? I mean for right now sometimes we worry about the money but
check it out, right now in this moment you don't even need any. You're fine in the here and now
we're good. What if you could be fully present? So, for my tax and accounting friends what if they
could enjoy and be fully present in the moment as they're preparing a tax return? Wait, is that
even possible? It's all psychological. What are you focusing on? If you're doing the dishes, be present.
Do the dishes be there in that moment, in that place. The psychological research really supports
this you guys, when we are fully present we feel more peace, more contentment, more happiness. Enough
with all of the stress and anxiety, right? Be fully present. I hope that helps with your busy season
whatever that looks like. Remember, I promised you a copy of the model that I referred to earlier go to
drpauljenkins.com/themodel I'll put it right in your hands. I'll see you in the next video.