(pregnant woman screams)
- Ooh.
- Sweetie, you're doing very well.
Now just remember to breathe in and out.
(audience laughs)
Where's Nurse Sarah?
She should be here by now.
- I'm sure she'll be here soon.
Oh, calm yourself.
(audience clapping and cheering)
- Someone has called the midwife
and must get to the house at once
for the baby thing.
(audience laughing)
I'm not an expert.
(audience laughing)
Oh, oh, ah, ow, ooh.
(audience laughs)
Oh, you bugger, no wonder Victoria Pendleton's so grumpy.
(audience laughing)
I'm coming, I'm coming.
(audience laughing)
Shit, cobblestones!
(audience laughing and applauding)
Ooh.
(audience laughing)
Cobblestones.
(pregnant woman screaming)
Nearly there!
Yes!
I've arrived.
(audience laughing and applauding)
(Call The Midwife theme music plays)
Right, I'm here.
How may I assist?
- Sarah, where have you been?
- I don't know, but I'm going back, Flower.
(audience laughing)
- Well, you're here now - [Sarah] Yes.
- This is Mary, she's doing very well.
Everything's as it should be,
and she's four fingers dilated.
- Four fingers?
(audience laughing)
Does anybody else really fancy a Kit-Kat?
(audience laughing)
- Ahhh! - So that's one for you, love?
Okay, anyone else?
Bounty, Twix?
Penguin?
(audience laughing)
- We need hot water.
- Oh, that's a good idea 'cause I am parched.
I'll have four sugars in mine, Flower.
(audience laughing)
- Perhaps you better just stay with the father?
- What's he doing here anyway?
It is the 1950's.
- We couldn't afford another set, love,
this isn't BBC One you know.
(audience laughing)
Hello, love, what's your name?
- Joseph.
- Mary and...
(audience laughing)
Joseph.
And if you have a little boy,
what are you gonna call him?
- Keith.
(audience laughing)
- Let's get you out of here.
Don't forget the cap, like the way your wife did.
(audience laughing)
- Ahhh!
- Oh, I think you're almost ready, love.
One, big last push.
(pregnant woman screams)
- Oh, it's looking angry down there.
(audience laughing)
Looks like cello lessons for a good while.
(audience laughing)
(pregnant woman screams)
- That's it, there we go, that's it.
There we are, there we are.
(nurse gasps)
It's a boy!
(baby crying)
- I've witnessed a moment in history
that will change the world forever.
For today, I have witnessed the birth --
(angelic music playing)
of the baby Phillip Schofield.
(audience applauding)
(This Morning theme music plays)
Thank you so much for coming to the show.
Ladies and gentlemen, Helen George and Judy Parker.
(audience clapping)
Hello, I'm Sarah Millican,
and thanks very much for watching my videos.
I'm going on tour with a brand new show
called Bobby Dazzler.
For all the information about where I'm going
and when,
go to www.sarahmillican.co.uk.
Thanks.