In this video, we're going to talk about how to say no politely. It's a really
important skill. So, let's get into the details.
Hello and welcome back.
If this is the first time you're visiting Communication Coach, I'm Alex Lyon and
this channel is all about helping you with your professional development,
especially as an emerging leader. And in today's video, we're going to talk about
how to say no politely. First of all, you have to learn to say no. You are the
really the only person that is ever going to maintain the boundaries around
your time and your effort and your focus. And so you have to learn to say no.
There's a famous author and speaker John Maxwell and he says learn to say no to
the good so you can say yes to the best. In other words, you're going to get
opportunities and offers and invitations to some pretty good ideas, pretty good
projects. And you probably have some pretty good ideas and projects that you
can't say yes to because if you say yes to all the good stuff there's not going
to be enough time to do it all. So you have to reserve your yeses for the great
stuff. That means saying no. Now saying it politely of course is all the more
important because you want to maintain harmonious relationships and have
positive connections with people and you don't want to be rude about the way you
say no. So, let's talk about four tips that will help you say no politely. And I
want to caution you, the fourth tip you should only use if you feel really
confident in how you can come across with it. The first tip comes from this
book on How to Have a Good Day. Caroline Webb, the author, says tell them
what you said yes to that prevents you from being able to say yes to their
request. In other words, tell them no because you've already said yes to
something that's really important. For example, a couple years ago I wrote a
book and I had to say no to every other project opportunity that came my way
because I was on a deadline for my publisher and I really had to deliver
this book. And so what I said was, Oh so I'm so sorry I can't help you with that
project. I have signed a book deal and I have to deliver this book
by a certain date. and I just have to say no to everything that comes my way. It
sounds like a great project but I'm sorry I can't help right now because I'm
working on my book. And sometimes I said it even more briefly than that. So that's
a way to say no politely and I want to practice right now as well. We're not
just gonna do theory and tips in this, I want you to actually practice this right
now. I'm going to ask you or invite you to be involved in a project and I want
you to say no because tell me what you've said yes to that's already taking
up your time. So, here we go, and you can pause the video if you want to after I
ask you this. So here we go we're getting ready to practice. And action. You know, I
would really love it if you could help me with this project. Would you help me
on this really important project please? Okay. You can pause the video and say
no and then tell me what you said yes to that's already taking up your time and
your focus. And one of the reasons I love this by the way is that it keeps it all
positive, right? You've said yes to some things that are really
important to you and if they respect you and care about you they're gonna see the
value in the things that you have said yes to. Okay so now tip number two. You
want to tell them what you can do for them instead. You can say no
straightaway when they ask you to do something but tell them what you can do
for them instead. Maybe you can refer them to someone else who can help them.
Maybe instead of meeting in person for an hour you can meet on the phone for a
few minutes and quickly handle whatever request they have. Maybe you can point
them towards some resource. Say no but then tell them what you can do for them.
And this happens to us all the time and it comes across as very polite because
the person is offering to help us
it's just that they can't help us in 100% of the way that we are asking for
it in that moment. So again, we're going to practice and I am going to ask you to
meet with me in person about an important project that I want your
feedback on but you don't have the time and you're gonna tell me what you can do
for me instead. Okay so here we go. Ready. Practice. Action. Hey, I was wondering if
you could meet with me for about half hour or an hour I have a really
interesting project and I wanted to run it past you to get your feedback on
where I might go with this project. Would you be able
to meet with me for a half hour, hour? So again, if you have to pause the video go
ahead to form your words but tell me no and then tell me what you can do for me.
Tell me how you can point me in another direction. And again the reason I love
this is because you're still being helpful and that's very polite to offer
some assistance even though it's not exactly what the person wanted but again
you have to learn to say no even to good things so you maintain your calendar
openings for the best things, the highest priority items. Let's move on to the
third tip. The third tip is a general tip about keeping whatever explanation you
give on yourself. So there's lots of different ways that you can talk to
people about what's going on you know but always keep it on yourself don't put
it on to them. Don't blame them. If you want to talk about, if someone asks you
to do something, that you're over committed or that your calendar is
already full or whatever the reasons are you have to say no, keep it on
yourself. This is like another version of when people break up and they try to do
it politely they say, Oh it's not you it's me.
And even though we're not breaking up with somebody, it's the same principle. By
keeping it on yourself, it's very polite. There's no face threat to the
other person because you're not putting them down in any way. You're not judging
them in any way. Again we're going to practice I'm going to invite you in this
situation to be part of a group that meets monthly for the next year and I
want you to tell me no but then keep whatever explanation you have on
yourself. I prefer to talk about how I am over committed already, which is very
true of me so I'm gonna invite you to a group and we might get invitations like
this like a monthly book group or something and you know if you don't have
the time for it you've got to let them know up front. You don't want to say yes and then
skip half of the groups or never show up in the first place. Here we go. I'm
gonna invite you and again you can pause the video. And action. Hey, I would like to
invite you to this monthly group it meets monthly on the first Monday of
every month and it's going to be fantastic I think you would be a really
good fit. Would you like to join our group? And again you can pause but tell
me no but then whatever explanation you give after that keep it on yourself.
And the reason I love this is that it's 100% you taking
responsibilities. That's very polite. Our goal is to say no politely and by
keeping it to all the reasoning on you and not saying no because that group
doesn't interest me or no because I don't like the way you lead groups or
whatever. You keep it on yourself and you're saying no. You're accomplishing
everything you want. You're saying no but you're doing so politely. Now, the
fourth tip is the one that I recommend you use only with caution, only if you
know the person is going to hear you the right way. And that's the fourth tip,
maybe next time. So people will say oh I can't do that but maybe next time. I'm
busy right now but maybe next time. And here's way here's why I want you to use
this with caution. In some cases people will hear you saying no and they'll
accept that no. In a lot of cases, however, I have noticed people will hear maybe
next time and then they'll ask you the next time and the next time and the next
time and if you keep saying maybe next time then it becomes a little impolite.
Then it becomes that you're blowing them off and you just leave, you're stringing
them along. So I prefer to just say no and then if something changes you can
get back to them but the answer is no I can't for whatever reason and
you can use all the other tips we talked about but I would just
recommend using caution especially if you have someone who's pushy and is not
respecting whatever boundary, they might not take the hint. So, maybe
next time, it's a hint to some people but not everybody is going to get it.
Question of the day. Which of these tips do you feel would be most effective for
your personality in your style? I would love to hear your comments about that in
that section below the video. and I also want to offer you a free resource
on the Five Essential Professional Communication Skills. It's a resource.
I've created a PDF download and I will put a link to that in the
description below the video and I will also put that in the comment section in
the first comment and I invite you to check that out if that sounds like it
interests you. So thanks. God bless and I will see you in the next video.