I want you to imagine a bulldozer.
When a bulldozer encounters anything that is resisting or opposing it,
What does it do?
It drives straight through and over whatever is in its path.
It essentially plays a zero-sum game.
It won't stop and consider.
It's not going to stop and try to create some sort of resolution,
so there's a form of alignment between it and whatever it is...
meeting with, in terms of opposition.
what I mean by a zero-sum game,
is it plays the game of: "I win and you lose."
"I get my way and you don't."
Bulldozing
But how many people in your life do you know,
that act of this way in relationships?
Any time they meet with opposition,
They just bulldoze straight through that opposition,
without any consideration of the other part,
that is providing that resistance or opposition.
It's the parent who does not care if their child's miserable in school,
and says: "You're gonna go no matter what, and don't you complain about it."
It's the boyfriend who doesn't listen to his girlfriend saying she's scared
and doesn't want to and Instead just grabs her hand
to force her to cliff jump with him.
It's the spiritual master who says:
"Everything comes from your connection to God.
You should not need anything or anyone and if you do
it's because you're caught in illusion."
What all these circumstances have in common is no accommodation.
To accommodate is to provide space for something in your consideration,
so as to include its desires or needs.
When we are bulldozing we're refusing to accommodate.
This is a recipe for disaster.
There is no way for somebody or something
to be bulldozed, and to be okay with it.
Because by definition, it is a zero-sum game.
How is anybody going to be okay with their needs not being met,
and their best interests not being even considered?
Now this is the most important thing to understand about bulldozing,
is that it completely destroys trust.
To trust something or someone,
is to rely upon it to capitalize on your best interests.
Obviously when we're bulldozing,
we're doing nothing of the sorts.
So it's not possible when someone bulldozes you,
to trust them.
If we're bulldozing, we're also not acting out of love.
To love is to take something as part of yourself.
Now, obviously, if part of you says no and part of you is saying yes,
if that part that says yes, run straight over the top
of the one that's saying no,
without ever perceiving there being a consequence
to itself in doing that,
Then it doesn't consider that other part to be part of itself.
Does it?
This is a recipe for relationship ruin.
Especially because when you're bulldozing something,
you have established yourself not as an ally,
but as the adversary, as the enemy.
But today's episode is not really about your relationship to other people.
Today's episode is about how you bulldoze yourself.
This is the most damaging form of bulldozing.
And I'm gonna be honest with you,
no matter how good you may be
at not bulldozing other people in your time-space reality,
you do build as yourself.
Human beings, people in general,
have been taught specifically to do so.
Now, the worst part about this whole dynamic is,
we don't even realize when we're bulldozing ourselves.
And we especially don't see the damage that it does.
The concept of bulldozing
does not make any sense,
when you relate to yourself as a singularity.
If I am a singularity called Teal,
and I only have one being,
one body, one mind, one emotional state,
how can I bulldoze myself? Right?
The concept of bulldozing oneself
only makes sense, when you view yourself as you really are.
Which instead of united are fragmented,
Consciousness itself functions like water.
If you're looking at a river from above,
you can see the large river often branches off into smaller rivers.
Due to trauma which occurs in all people's lives with no exception,
(the question is simply to what degree),
our consciousness splits like a river does.
It splits so that instead of whole, we are fragmented.
It is easier to comprehend of this process of splitting,
which is fragmentation,
by understanding that anytime we encounter trauma,
our ego splits in two.
But it can do this over and over and over and over and over and over again.
This means that even though we have one body,
within the one body, we have multiple selves.
The best way to picture this, I think,
is to imagine that inside of your one body,
you have an entire collection of Siamese twins.
Now the reason I'm calling them Siamese twins,
which now is known as conjoined twins,
is because even though they have different personality constructs,
(different perspectives),
they all share one body.
And here's the really important thing to understand,
some of these "Siamese Twins" we have inside of us,
we identify with, we accept, we really own,
we project them forth to the world.
Others we do the opposite with.
We reject them, we deny them, we suppress them,
we disown them, we're oblivious they even exist.
We have good reasons for having approved of parts of ourselves
and having rejected other parts of ourselves,
but no matter how we spin it, it means that we are polarized.
You have experienced this polarization,
at any time you come to a place
where you have to make a decision and part of you says "yes",
while another part of you says "no".
What do most people do when we are faced with this type of a situation?
We play a zero-sum game.
We make a decision so that the part of us that says "yes" wins,
and the part of us that says "no" loses.
So that you can understand what bulldozing looks like,
relative to these internal "Siamese Twins",
I want you to imagine one part of you sitting in a bulldozer,
and the other part is playing the part of the protester
who's standing in front of that bulldozer saying "no".
When this is occurring there is no attempt at resolution
between these parties so that alignment can be established,
so that we can make a choice that is in the best interest of both.
The one driving the bulldozer just drive straight through
and straight over the other one that's in the position of the protester.
This creates an internal atmosphere of distrust.
This creates an internal atmosphere of antagonism.
You can't feel safe in your own skin.
To understand more about this process of fragmentation
and to understand how this whole splitting process really works,
watch my video titled:
Fragmentation (The Worldwide Disease)
For the sake of your understanding,
I'm gonna give you just a minimal amount of more examples,
of situations, we may find ourselves in
when we're bulldozing the hell out of ourselves.
Part of us doesn't want to get married, but we go ahead with it anyway.
You're terrified, but you say: "I'm fine",
because you've been taught that fear shouldn't exist.
The circumstances have changed but you made those plans months ago,
so you don't change your plans, and forge ahead anyway.
You're in a group and everyone wants to do one thing that you don't want to do,
but you force yourself to participate anyway.
Your body says you've reached your limit,
but you don't accept you have limits, so you push forward anyway.
You really want to get a job, to do what you love,
but you don't want to let your family down,
so you do what they want you to do instead.
You are tired and drained but you get up and force yourself
to do what has to be done, day after day, no matter how you feel.
You're in pain because you lost someone, but you deny it.
You just have to focus on the good times.
We feel bad about ourselves,
but we sit down and repeat: "I love and accept myself."
"I love and accept myself" 50 times in a row.
You're a spiritual person and you're angry,
but spiritual people are supposed to be angry,
so you suppress it and do a bunch of yoga.
We feel a certain way, but we resistant deny the way we feel,
because we've already decided we shouldn't feel that way.
You get the point.
We can bulldoze ourselves in all kinds of ways,
emotionally, mentally and physically.
And I'll be honest with you,
we can use all kinds of tools,
justifications, beliefs and techniques,
to enable that process of bulldozing.
Whenever we encounter that internal tension,
and believe me, we must become attuned to it,
because of the way that you have lived your life,
and because of the way we're socialized into society,
we are taught to ignore that internal resistance.
So most of us don't even realize when it's going on.
So first, we have to attune to the fact
that that tug-of-war game is going on inside of us.
and then, we have to create resolution with it,
so that these two opposing sides,
are on the same page headed in the same direction together.
To understand more about this, watch my video titled:
Urgent! Deal With Your Resistance Before You Do Anything Else
If we do not deal with this resistance,
instead of bulldoze straight through it,
we will suffer because of it.
We will suffer because when we're not doing this,
we are not doing something with ourselves,
we're doing something in spite of ourselves.
We will suffer because doing this destroys self trust,
and with it, the sense of internal safety and security.
So you can understand this a little bit farther and deeply,
trust is about I can rely upon something to capitalize on my best interests.
So if we look at self distrust,
the root of self-distrust is having these parts inside,
that are playing a zero-sum game against each other.
If one part within you is not taking the other as part of itself,
is not capitalizing on its best interests,
than of course this one has the right and the reason
to distrust this one.
But here's the thing;
They're both inside your body.
Therefore the way this one feels, the one that's just been told:
"Well, you're not worthy of consideration."
"No, you're gonna lose and I'm gonna win."
"Nope. You're powerless to me doing whatever I want,
despite what's in your best interests."
You're gonna feel that in your body.
And first and foremost,
we will suffer in our life if we bulldoze,
because both parts of us
have a very valuable and important message to share
about our personal truth,
(the full picture of our personal truth)
and without that full picture,
without really getting to understand the perspectives,
and deeply, of both of these opposed parts,
we cannot arrive at what is actually true,
and actually right for us.
The time has come to commit to the practice of integration,
instead of bulldozing.
Now, I call it a practice because here's the thing;
You have been in the practice of bulldozing yourself.
If you expect yourself to never bulldoze yourself again,
you will fail.
Therefore it is cruelty.
What you can, do is continue to practice integration over and over.
Practice alignment over and over.
Until it becomes a mastered skill.
And the better you get at doing this with yourself,
the better you will get at finding this alignment and integration
with other people.
This spells all kinds of positive relationships in your life.
You know how painful it is to be bulldozed.
You know how painful it is to not be considered at all,
because someone has made up their mind.
You know how painful it is to not be accommodated at all,
and to suffer for it.
Why would you be okay with any aspect of yourself feeling this way?
Aim to get your internal "Siamese twins"
on the same page.
For more information about this and how to do this,
watch two of my videos titled:
Get On The Same Page ( Relationship Advice )
and: Attunement (The Key To A Good Relationship)
and when you are watching these videos,
apply everything I say in these videos to your internal parts.
Not just as someone external
that you are in a relationship with.
If we want to have good feeling relationships,
relationships that are built on love trust and awareness,
than we have to get ourselves into relationships
with people who don't bulldoze us.
And we have got to be in relationships
where we don't bulldoze those other people,
and we especially don't bulldoze ourselves.
Have a good week
Subtitles by: Tanya Duarte www.tanyaduarte.com