( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪
♪ DOWN AT THE CROSSROADS, DOWN TO GET MY SHOT ♪
♪ YEAH, WE'RE DOWN AT THE CROSSROADS, BETTER WATCH YOUR IS
NOT ♪ ♪
♪ LORD, MERCY ♪ ♪ THIS COVID SUCKS A LOT ♪
♪♪ ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: JON BATISTE AND "STAY HUMAN"!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) MY GOODNESS!
BRING IT HARD TONIGHT OVER THERE.
JON, GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU AGAIN.
I LOVE THE OUTFIT YOU'VE GOT ON TONIGHT.
>> Jon: OH, YES.
>> Stephen: YOU SEEM LIKE STRAWBERRY GELATO.
>> Jon: OH, YEAH, YEAH.
>> Stephen: I LIKE IT.
>> Jon: WOW!
IT'S SUMMERTIME, I WANT TO FEEL GOOD, SUMMER.
SO MUCH GOING ON IN THIS WORLD, WE'VE GOT TO FEEL GOOD IN THIS
LIFE.
>> Stephen: WE DO, WE DO.
>> Jon: LIFT IT UP.
>> Stephen: UP TO YOU TO STAY POSITIVE AND HOPEFUL.
I'M TALKING TO THE ONE AND ONLY STEPHEN KING TONIGHT.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) AND THIS GUY, WINSTON DUKE, YOU
SAW "BLACK PANTHER," YOU KNOW M'BAKU.
>> Jon: ABSOLUTELY.
>> Stephen: M'BAKU IS HERE.
HE'S HERE.
HE'S A BIG GUY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) HE'S NOT JUST BIG.
HE'S BIG IN THE MOVIES.
YOU SEE A BIG GUY IN A MOVIE AND YOU MEET HIM, HE'S LIKE 5-2.
>> Jon: LIKE THE ROCK.
>> Stephen: THIS GUY IS 6'5 AND A HALF.
HE EEKS ACTUALLY BIG.
WE HAVE M'BAKU TONIGHT.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, IT HAS BEEN TWO WEEKS SINCE I HAVE BEEN
GONE, AND THEY HAVE BEEN HARD FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO GET ALL
YOUR SPORTS NEWS FROM ME.
( LAUGHTER ) FIRST, WHY DO YOU DO THAT?
SECOND, THE OLYMPICS HAPPENED!
THEY WERE GREAT!
AS ALWAYS, I'M INSPIRED BY THE ATHLETES AND THE FEELING OF
INTERNATIONAL BROTHERHOOD.
BECAUSE THE OLYMPICS ARE REALLY ABOUT THE FACT THAT ALL OF US,
NO MATTER OUR COUNTRY, HAVE SO MUCH MORE IN COMMON THAN WE
REALIZE.
AND IT'S IN THAT SPIRIT OF GLOBAL HARMONY THAT I WANT TO
SAY AMERICA WON MORE GOLD MEDALS THAN CHINA!
SUCK IT, XI JINPING!
U-S-A!
THANK YOU!
OF COURSE, THE GAMES WERE A LOT DIFFERENT THIS YEAR DUE TO
COVID.
AND WITH CASES ON THE RISE, BOTH THE VACCINATED AND UNVACCINATED
HAVE THE SAME QUESTION: WHAT KIND OF BUBBLE BATHS ARE
CELEBRITIES TAKING?
( LAUGHTER ) I DON'T KNOW.
AGAIN, I DIDN'T GO TO THE PARTY.
BUT SOMEONE HAS THE ANSWERS.
AND I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT IN MY NEW SEGMENT: "A-LIST TUB
TIME WITH THE SOAPY STARS."
FIRST IN THE TUB, MILA KUNIS, -- ASHTON KUTCHER WHO IN A
RECENT INTERVIEW REVEALED HE AND HIS SCRUBBER MILA KUNIS
WHO IN A RECENT INTERVIEW REVEALED THAT SHE AND SCRUBBIN'
HUBBY ASHTON KUTCHER DON'T WASH THEIR TWO CHILDREN EVERY DAY.
OKAY!
NOT THE KUNIS-KUTCHER BUBBLE BATH REVEAL WE WERE HOPING FOR.
KUNIS EXPLAINED, "IF YOU CAN SEE THE DIRT ON THEM, CLEAN THEM.
OTHERWISE, THERE'S NO POINT."
THAT SOUNDS LESS LIKE THE POLICY FOR CLEANING YOUR KIDS AND MORE
LIKE THE POLICY FOR CLEANING YOUR BUICK.
"IT'S SUPPOSED TO RAIN TONIGHT.
JUST LEAVE MCKENZIE IN THE DRIVEWAY."
THIS INTERVIEW SENT MAJOR WAVES THROUGH THE CELEBRITY
SCRUB-O-SPHERE.
KRISTEN BELL SIDED WITH TEAM DON'T-BATHE-YOUR-KIDS, SAYING
"I'M A BIG FAN OF WAITING FOR THE STINK.
ONCE YOU CATCH A WHIFF, THAT'S BIOLOGY'S WAY OF LETTING YOU
KNOW YOU NEED TO CLEAN IT UP."
I DON'T LIKE TO COMMENT ON ANYONE ELSE'S PARENTING, BUT I
WILL POINT OUT THAT BOTH MILA KUNIS AND KRISTEN BELL DID STAR
IN THE FILM "BAD MOMS."
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
THEN JAKE GYLLENHAAL HOPPED INTO THE CONTROVERSY TUB, TELLING
"VANITY FAIR," "MORE AND MORE I FIND BATHING TO BE LESS
NECESSARY.
WE NATURALLY CLEAN OURSELVES."
EITHER YOU'RE THINKING OF CATS, OR I HAD NO IDEA YOU WERE THAT
FLEXIBLE.
( LAUGHTER ) HE COULD DO IT.
I BELIEVE IT.
HE CAN DO IT ALL.
I BET HE COULD DO IT.
( LAUGHTER ) NOW, INTERESTINGLY, GYLLENHAAL
SAID ALL THIS WHILE ADVERTISING HIS NEW FRAGRANCE LINE.
THAT FRAGRANCE: B. EAU.
( LAUGHTER ) BUT IF YOU'RE IN A LATHER ABOUT
CELEBRITIES WHO WON'T LATHER, THERE'S GOOD NEWS FROM
DWAYNE "THE ROCK" JOHNSON, WHO SAYS HE SHOWERS THREE TIMES A
DAY.
I ASSUME THAT'S BECAUSE IT TAKES THREE ATTEMPTS FOR THE WATER TO
COVER HIS ENTIRE BODY.
"THIS SHOWER'S JUST FOR MY TRAPS."
DWAYNE WENT INTO EXTREME DETAIL DESCRIBING HIS ROUTINE,
TWEETING, "SHOWER-- COLD-- WHEN I ROLL OUTTA BED TO GET
MY DAY ROLLIN'.
SHOWER-- WARM-- AFTER MY WORKOUT BEFORE WORK.
SHOWER-- HOT-- AFTER I GET HOME FROM WORK.
FACE WASH, BODY WASH, EXFOLIATE."
AND BECAUSE HE'S THE ROCK, HIS LOOFAH IS A HAY BALE.
( LAUGHTER ) WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH STEPHEN
KING.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ♪♪