"I need some space for myself" and it's about the last six words that you want to hear from
the man you've fallen for.
In today's video, I'm going to tell you exactly what you need to do next and the mindsets
that you need to have in your head to rebuild your relationship.
I'll see you in just a second.
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If the man you're with or the man you've fallen or has just asked you for space
in your relationship, it's an incredibly stressful time for you right now.
What I want to do is give you a way to help you through that,
tell you exactly what you need to do next.
Now, you might have seen my previous video on this topic, but what I wanted to do was
expand this and give you some extra mindsets that you can use right now to get your relationship
back on track.
Now, these four mindsets that I want you to have in your mind moving forward.
As soon as a client tells me, as soon as anyone comes to me and says,
"My man has asked for space,"
then there's four things that you've got to immediately get into your mind.
The first one is this, that you are a prize too and that he is also at risk of losing you.
You see, when the person we love or the person we've fallen for asks for space,
the temptation is to think that they were the prize
that we're losing and that we're about to have all these taken away
and we forget to keep in our mind that we are a prize too.
We forget to remember that they are at risk of losing us as well, and this is a very important
high value mindset that you have to keep in your mind to give things the maximum chance
of working with your man again.
The second mindset you want to have in your mind is that space can be a very normal need
for men.
Now, it's absolutely true that some men do use space as an excuse to get away and to
do the backhanded breakup where they emotionally distance themselves until you're forced to
break up with them.
Yes, that happens, but there are other men where space can be a totally normal need.
When a man feels incompetent, when a man doesn't feel like himself,
it finds it, he finds it very hard to give love to a woman
and sometimes a man needs to go back to his man cave and
rebuild himself and just to feel confident within himself again, to come back to you
and be your man.
The third mindset that you want to absolutely keep in your head is the concept of his needs
and your needs.
What are relationships really, right?
They're in exchange of needs.
Now, in a good relationship, you're meeting each other's needs and these things work well
together.
That's what a good relationship is, but when a guy asks for space, this is an example of
a situation where your needs do not equal his needs.
What are his needs?
Space.
I need to work on myself.
What are your needs?
Love, connection, intimacy.
These needs are polar opposites and they can't both work together.
And you want to think of this concept as,
"Okay, these are my needs and these are his needs."
Now, you are going gonna meet your man's needs some of the time in a relationship
and he's going to meet yours.
And when he asks for space, what he's essentially saying is, "I need you to meet my needs for
a little while and to put yours aside for a little while."
Now, this isn't inherently a bad request, but it's not something that can go on forever.
You need to keep this concept in mind of his needs and your needs.
And the fourth mindset that you want to think of is the mindset of time is ticking.
His clock is running out.
So when a man asks for space, it's not a reason to dump his ass right there and it's not a
reason to fret and and harass him for answers, which is something we're going to talk about
in a moment, but it is time to go.
Okay, well time's ticking, mate.
You see when a man asks for space, like I said, he's asking for his needs to be put
above yours and that's okay for a short period of time, but it can't last forever and when
that timer runs out, you do have to have the strength to walk away.
How long do you wait?
Well, that's something I'm going to talk about at the end of this video.
Okay, so the with those four mindsets in your head, this is what you need to do next.
Follow these five steps when your man has asked you for space while keeping those, as
I said, very important in your head.
Number one is don't hassle or pester him.
This is so important.
The knee jerk reaction from most women is to immediately hassle or pester a guy when
he asked for space, you want to break the anxiety.
You don't want to be in this unknown space.
So you go, we need to sort this out.
We need to, we need to talk about this.
We need to communicate.
And the net result is the guy doesn't get any space.
You're trying to meet your needs for love and connection.
You're ignoring his needs for space
and all it does is make him want to pull away more.
Give him the space.
By all means, offer your support, but give him the space he's asked for.
Now, at the same time, the other knee jerk reaction as Tara so aptly described, is to
dump his ass girl.
You don't want to do that either.
That dump his ass reaction is not self-respect as many would believe.
It's just self-preservation.
It's saying, I don't want to be vulnerable in this situation, so I'm just going to go
boom, dump his ass, and that's going to be that so I can not be vulnerable and I can
have my answer.
The reality is it's a way to break anxiety, but if we're all dumping someone's ass the
moment they asked for their needs to be met for a little period, we're all getting way
too happy, way too trigger happy with ending our relationships,
so don't hustle and don't pester.
Don't jump to dumping his ass.
The next step, number two, is to reduce your investment.
Now, this sounds really gamey, but it's important.
Invest in a man who invests in you,
so when a man wants to take space, when he wants to meet his own needs
and take that time, it's important that you do the same.
He's saying, look, I want to invest in myself right now
and put more of my time into fulfilling my own needs,
it's very important that for your own self-respect, you do the same.
Number three, get back to the woman you were when you first met him.
Remember the way you acted when you first got together?
Remember how carefree you were?
Remember how he was the man you wanted but never needed?
Remember how you are happy to do your own thing but loved having him there with you?
That's what you've got to get back to.
When you get back to that, it's going to make him want to come back to you in that state.
If you're struggling in particular with mindset number one.
If you're struggling to remember the prize you are,
and you're thinking to yourself constantly,
I don't want to lose this man rather than, Hey, he's at risk of losing me too.
If you're particularly struggling with that mindset, then this is especially important
for you.
You've got to use this time.
You've got to use this space, this extra time you have to invest in you and get back to
the woman you were at the beginning because the fact is that's the woman he's most likely
to come back to.
Number four is let him come to you.
He asked for space and you've shown your support,
but he asked for space and so it's also on him to ask for an end to that space.
Let him come to you.
And number five, when his time is up, pull the plug.
This takes a lot of personal strength.
It really does, but you can't stay forever in a situation where his needs are being met
and yours are not.
That's just going to make you unhappy.
You've got to have the strength to go, "Okay, I've met your needs.
I put myself out there for you but you haven't come back to me.
Now, I need to draw the line and take care of myself and end the relationship."
The question you're going to ask me now, and this is the question that virtually all of
you ask in these types of videos in the comments is "How long do I wait, Mark?"
How long do I wait?
How long do I give him before I pull the plug and say, no, my needs are important too and
look this very situation, this situation, and I can't give you an answer that's going
to work for every situation because every situation is so different, but I can give
you a few things to think about as you go forward and go, this is how much time I'm
going to give this guy.
Number one is how legitimate is his need for space?
Think about has he just lost a close family member?
Has he just lost his job and is feeling very incompetent within himself or is he just saying
he's busy with work or is he not even giving you a good excuse for space at all?
The more legitimate his reason that he asked for space is the longer you want to give him.
Number two, how much relationship credit has he built up along the way?
It's pretty obvious that if you've been married to a man for five years and he asked for space,
you're going to give that guy a lot longer than if this is a guy you've been seeing a
month and he just asked for space.
If he's taken time and over the months or years has invested in your needs, he's, he's
put in for you, he's met your needs when you are having a bad day, then it makes sense
you're going to meet his needs for a longer period of time.
And number three, is he keeping you updated along the way?
So is he texting you?
Is he calling you?
Is he at least giving you something while he's asked for space that shows that he's
trying to bridge that gap to come back to you?
The more he keeps you updated, the more it shows he's investing in the relationship to bridge
that gap over time where he's going to come back and the longer you want to give him.
Again, you're not going to wait around forever but if a guy's updating you and if a guy is
investing in that while he's asking for space, it does show good things., So you've ultimately
got to decide how long you wait until time is up.
But those are three questions you can ask yourself.
How legitimate is his request for space?
How much relationship credit has he built up over time and is he keeping you updated
along the way that are getting give you a really good idea as to how long you should
wait.
Well that's it.
That's what to do when a guy you love or a guy you've fallen for asks for space, I really
hope that helps you.
The expanded version of this video.
You can check out the other one as well.
I'll put the link in the description and that is what to do and how to handle this situation.
Thank you so much for watching.
Let me know your thoughts.
Let me know if this works for you.
I'd love to hear from you.
Comments below. You know the drill, pop it in there.
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Hit the little bell so you get all notifications of new videos.
Thank you again for watching. Good luck.
Let me know how it goes and I shall see you in the next video very soon.
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