Will time make my ex miss me or forget about me? That's what we're going to be talking
about in this video. But first, my name is Clay with modernlove.life, where I help you
get the great loving relationship that you're looking for without having to play mind games,
without having to play hard to get, and without having to pretend to be someone or something
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get it down below in the description box for this video. All right, so will time make your
ex miss you or forget about you? That's what we're talking about here. So, again, there
is a very commonly held belief out there that you need to always do no contact. You need
to do no contact no matter what's going on, all the time, 100%. And there's plenty of
no contact coaches out there that will obviously tell you to do no contact. I mean, that's
the one tool that they have. There are no contact coach.
But just like any tool, it has its time and place. I have a toolbox that has a hammer
in it, it has a screwdriver in it, it has other things in it, and yeah, there's a time
when a hammer is a great tool to have. There's other times when maybe I need a screwdriver,
there's other times when maybe I need a wrench or something else, and you want to be able
to know when the right time to use an appropriate tool is. Now, the common philosophy, story
arc, narrative that a lot of these no contact coaches have is that you've got to cut contact
with your ex, you need to wait and make them miss you, and then they're going to come crawling
back to you over broken shards of glass begging for another chance. Can this happen? Sure,
it can happen. When the conditions are right, this can make sense and this is something
that can happen. Kind of like how, when the conditions are right, having a hammer can
be really helpful and useful and can help you to build whatever you're building.
But sometimes it's not going to happen so you have to be able to feel into the situation
and know, okay, where things are with my ex right now, does it make sense for us to be
out of contact? Does it make sense for us to do "radio silence" or "no contact" or whatever?
And it can make sense to do this. It can. If being in contact with one another is doing
more harm than good, it can make sense to stop doing what's not working and to take
a step back and think about how you're bringing yourself and make any necessary changes and
all that. That can totally make sense. But if you're doing it because you want them to
crawl over these broken shards of glass or something, well, number one, do you really
want to be back together with them if you're getting some sort of sadistic glee out of
thinking of them crawling over broken shards of glass? I mean, you could have just swept
them up so they didn't have to crawl over them. Or do want to actually have a relationship
with someone else? Because if you want to inflict physical harm
on someone, or metaphorical harm on someone, maybe they're not the right person for you.
It's just a thought. Anyway, so yeah, this can work. It can work. When you're out of
contact with someone, it can sometimes cause them to say, "Okay, we did have some good
times together. We did have some positive experiences together. We did share some good
memories together," and maybe being out of contact can cause them to miss you and to
maybe value some of those things a little bit more and to change their mind and say,
"Hey, maybe I'd made a rash decision in breaking up. Maybe we actually should be back together
again." It can happen. I've seen it happen before. But, again, this is not the best strategy
a lot of the time because if you're interacting with your ex and it's a really painful experience,
it's something that's really causing the two of you to have poor quality connections and
fight and argue and all of that, being out of contact with them can actually be a relief
for them. And it could make them say, Wow, this is so
much better now that we're out of contact. This is so much better now that I don't have
to deal with the fights and the expectation and the pressure to get back together and
all of this other stuff." And, sure, sometimes that nice relief period can only be temporary
and after they kind of get through that relief period, they might start to miss you. So don't
think that I'm talking out of both sides of my mouth here, because, yeah, they might miss
you after a while and it definitely makes sense to cut contact if the two of you aren't
having positive interactions, but if you're not having positive interactions, you're going
to want to do something besides just letting time make them miss you and make them come
crawling back to you over broken shards of glass or over a freshly swept clean floor.
You're going to want to actually have connections that bring the two of you closer together
with more understanding, better communication, a stronger bond, stuff like that. And that
is stuff that is not necessarily coming into place by just cutting contact and waiting
indefinitely. So that's often why we steer our clients towards what we call advanced
relational skills. We have a whole video series on them. You can find it up there in the corner.
If you are new here, don't know what we're talking about or maybe you do know what we're
talking about and you want to refresh or something like that, it's up there. But you can go ahead
and check those out because, yeah, there's a time and place for getting contact. Yes,
it can be a useful tool for making it easier to connect with them and to talk to them.
But it's just like preparing a field. Yeah, you can prepare it, but you're not necessarily
going to grow a lot of cool stuff off of it if you're trying to start a farm or something.
You need to prepare the field and then, of course, you need to like do things. Plant
the seeds and take care of them and all of that. It's not just about clearing the field.
So time, no contact, radio silence, whatever you may call it, it has its time and it has
its place. It should not be your entire strategy. It should not be the one thing that you have
going for you. I would recommend that you build up these advanced relational skills
that we're talking about, or maybe if you're following some other coach's advice, hopefully,
they have some other tricks up their sleeve besides just no contact or writing an emotional
letter or something like that. Hopefully, there's something beyond that, that will allow
the two of you to create a stronger emotional connection. And, hopefully, it's not some
BS stuff like mind games or reverse psychology or playing hard to get. Because I mean, that's
not what a strong relationship is built on. It really isn't.
If you're going to be in a relationship with someone and it's going to be a longterm relationship,
you're going to want to have that be built on a foundation of trust and openness and
honesty. Trust me, your relationships are just going to work easier that way. And if
you can just set it up from the beginning with trust, openness, and honesty, you're
going to have an easy, effortless path through. If you think to yourself, and trust me, I've
been there, I know how you might be thinking this, at least this is what I thought back
when I was going through my breakup and trying to get back together with my ex, it was like,
"Okay, this is a really tough situation. I need the industrial strength stuff. I need
the reverse psychology mind games. And then when we're back together, then I'll do it
right. Then I'll start having honesty, openness, communication, all that stuff." Trust me,
it doesn't work that way. If you were going to do it that way, there
has to be some sort of switch from the mind game to doing it the right way, and when you
make that switch, it's going to be a really strong disruption in the dynamic between the
two of you and your ex is going to be like, "Whoa, what happened? Why are you suddenly
really available? Why are you suddenly wanting to talk about your feelings as opposed to
being this aloof person who's basically acting like an emotionally unavailable avoidant attachment
style person? Why are you doing that, when you did that before and now you're suddenly
Mr. or Ms. Relationship." And so what you want to do is you want to do it right from
the beginning, that you have this smooth arc of being in a relationship and you can kind
of just show them, "Hey, this is me. This is who I am. Let's do this together and that
we can set this up for the long run." So please, don't think the way that I thought
in my younger years that was like, "Okay, yeah, I'm just going to use the reverse psychology,
the mind games, just to get back to even, and then I'll do it right." It does not work
that way. It does not really lead to a smooth relationship. I can tell you is that from
personal experience. Oh my goodness. Okay, anyway, I hope you found this video helpful
and I hope you maybe have a little bit more of an understanding about whether or not time
makes sense for helping your ex to either miss you or whether they're going to forget
about you, whether they're going to move on, or whether it's just going to make things
worse. If you do want to learn more about these advanced relational skills that we're
talking about, you can check out this video series over here or you can check out this
video up here. But thank you so much. Be sure to like and subscribe to this video. It does
help us out. Take care and I'll talk to you next time.