>>> ALRIGHT, WELCOME TO NIGHT TWO OF THE HARTFORD
PHARMACEUTICALS CORPORATE RETREAT HERE AT THE ASTON
WAIKIKI BEACH HOTEL. >> AND A BIG SHOUT OUT AGAIN TO
JIM R. FROM SEDONA WHO WOWED US ALL WITH HIS BEAUTIFUL HULA
DANCING SKILLS LAST NIGHT. >> YEAH YOU SURE FILLED OUT THAT
HULA SKIRT JIM. >> GUESS WHAT, I DIDN'T WEAR
UNDERWEAR. >> YEAH JIM WE KNOW.
>> YEAH WE SAW THAT. >> NICE, IT WAS SEEN.
>> ALRIGHT, OKAY, SO SHANNON AND I WERE ARGUING EARLIER AND SHE
THINKS PEOPLE WHO WORK IN PHARMACEUTICALS ARE STUFFY.
>> WELL HERE'S YOUR CHANCE TO PROVE ME WRONG.
TONIGHT YOU'RE THE ENTERTAINMENT.
>> THAT'S RIGHT. IT'S JOKEY OKEY, JUST LIKE
KARAOKE WITHOUT MUSIC OR SINGING.
>> IT'S JUST YOU GUYS TELLING YOUR FAVORITE JOKES.
SO WHO WANTS TO GO FIRST? >> LOOKS LIKE I GOT SOMEONE UP
FRONT AT TABLE 3. >> SHE HAS A JOKE.
>> WHAT, NO I DON'T. >> YES YOU DO, THE JOKE FROM
YOUR BOOK. >> OH THE JOKE FROM MY JOKE
BOOK, OKAY I GUESS I CAN DO IT. >> ALRIGHT, LET'S HEAR IT.
>> SO THERE WERE TWO PROSTITUTES SITTING IN A BAR AND ONE SAYS,
WANT TO KNOW WHY I'M SO POPULAR? AND SHE TAKES A BANANA AND SHE
PUTS IT INTO HER MOUTH AND DOWN. AND THE BARTENDER SAYS OH WOW SO
WHAT MAKES YOU POPULAR? THE SECOND ONE DOESN'T SAY
ANYTHING, SHE JUST SLIDES ALL THE WAY DOWN TO THE BASE OF THE
STOOL BECAUSE IT GOES INSIDE HER BECAUSE SHE'S SO LOOSE.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> OKAY.
WELL, THE SEAGULL WAS A FAN OF THAT ONE.
WHO'S NEXT? >> I HAVE ONE.
LOOK AT ME. >> ACTUALLY WE JUST HEARD FROM
YOUR TABLE, SO WE'RE GONNA SPREAD IT AROUND A LITTLE BIT.
>> NOBODY'S HANDS ARE UP AND I'M READY TO GO SO I'M GOING TO DO
IT. >> OKAY, ONE MORE.
>> HERE IT GOES. WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
ORAL AND ANAL RELATIONS? ONE MAKES YOUR WHOLE NIGHT.
AND ONE MAKES YOUR WHOLE WEEK. NOT WEEK LIKE SEVEN DAYS.
WEAK LIKE DAMAGED. OR LOOSE.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> OKAY.
I THINK WE COVERED BEING LOOSE. WHAT ELSE DO PEOPLE HAVE?
OKAY. NO, YOU GUYS ALREADY DID ONE.
>> NO, ME. SO A MAN HAS A SORE REAR HOLE.
SO THE DOCTOR -- THE DOCTOR TELLS THE GUY TO TAKE OFF ALL
HIS PANTS AND HE REACHES IN THERE --
>> WITH HIS HAND. >> YEAH.
HE REACHES UP AND PULLS OUT A BOUQUET OF FLOWERS.
THEY WERE ROSES. >> WOW, OKAY, EXCELLENT.
>> THE DOCTOR SAYS, SIR, DID YOU KNOW YOU HAVE FLOWERS INSIDE
YOU? WHAT GIVES?
AND THE PATIENT SAYS, WELL READ THE CARD.
I GUESS HE MUST HAVE BEEN PRETTY LOOSE BACK THERE.
>> WOW. OKAY.
ALL YOUR FAVORITE JOKES DEAL WITH BEING LOOSE.
I GUESS COMEDY IS NOT FOR EVERYBODY, FOLKS.
>> HEY! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO TALK TO
THESE WOMEN LIKE THAT? MAYBE NO ONE'S LAUGHING BECAUSE
THEY'RE THINKING. THESE ARE THINKERS.
THAT'S HAD A THEY CALL IT IN THE BIZ.
I KNOW BECAUSE I DATED RICHARD LEWIS BEFORE I MET THE LOVE OF
MY LIFE. MAYBE YOU DIDN'T LIKE ALL THOSE
JOKES ABOUT BEING LOOSE BECAUSE YOU'RE SO UPRIGHT.
>> MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE IS RIGHT, YOU JACK ASS.
>> SORRY AM I MISSING SOMETHING, HOW DID I BECOME THE BAD GUY
HERE? >> SHE'S RIGHT, GARY, YOU'VE
BEEN A JERK ALL DAY. >> WHAT?
>> LADIES, DO YOU HAVE ANOTHER ONE NEW?
>> THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID. SHE SAID, NO, BUT I WOULD LIKE
ANOTHER ONE IN ME.
>> THAT'S HOW LOOSE SHE IS. >> THAT'S WHAT HE SAID.
[ APPLAUSE ]