2018 is shaping up to be an intense year at the cineplex, with numerous superhero movies,
Star Wars, and Harry Potter spin offs all on the horizon.
But for every film worth getting excited about, there's another that we're absolutely dreading.
From sequels and reboots that nobody asked for to Biblical B-movies and poorly-timed
horrors, we're betting that the following films will be the worst of the worst in 2018.
Woody Woodpecker
If you're a fan of the classic Woody Woodpecker cartoons, then you'll definitely want to give
the upcoming live-action hybrid from Universal a wide berth.
"Guess who?"
This family-friendly adaptation of the screwball 'toon pits a CGI Woody Woodpecker against
a big-city lawyer who intends to tear down his woodland home to create space for a new
development.
Woody decides to takes matters into his own hands and violently defends his home against
the construction crew, taking snaps on his smartphone as he does.
The trailer truly is the stuff of nightmares.
The whole thing is clearly meant to be cheap and cheery, but in the end it just comes off
as cheap, with the character so poorly rendered in CG that his presence is completely jarring.
Bizarrely, the film is already a hit in Brazil, where an early release inexplicably grossed
more than $6.5 million.
Go figure.
"Here's Woody"
Samson
The faith-based production company behind the God's Not Dead trilogy are back with an
all-new biblical blockbuster this year, bringing the tale of Samson to the big screen.
Pure Flix has been making inroads in the Christian market over the past few years, thanks largely
to the success of their family-friendly home streaming service, which offers gems like
the Jeff-Foxworthy hosted The American Bible Challenge.
Chief executive Greg Gudorf told the New York Times:
"We've been blessed with really strong growth.
Our God-given dream was to provide content on a consistent basis to be an alternative
to what Hollywood was putting out."
While the God's Not Dead films didn't require much in the way of visual effects, Samson
relies on them heavily, and the lack of funding is highlighted by the substandard CGI.
According to the Bible story, the Hebrew strongman fought his way through 1,000 Philistines with
an animal bone and beat up a lion with his bare hands, all of which is included in the
trailer.
Sadly, the effects on show in these pivotal moments seem pretty dated—the whole thing
looks like it was put together using deleted scenes from The Mummy Returns.
Add in some Billy Zane in a toy crown, and you've got what looks to be a cinematic failure
of Biblical proportions.
"Never really understood what that meant until right now."
Teen Titans Go! to the Movies
Cartoon Network's Teen Titans Go! has divided DC fans since it started airing in 2013.
Many viewers are of the opinion that the show is an insult to both the original Teen Titans
animated series and the much-loved comics of the same name.
Some have even petitioned the network to cancel Teen Titans Go!, citing the bad messages it
sends to young viewers and the fact that it more or less ignores the source material.
"We blew it.
All that goofing around and being silly ruined this mission."
Co-producer Michael Jelenic told Comics Alliance that he's well aware of the "internet hate,"
even though it's never slowed him down.
He and his team have managed to thrash out over 200 episodes in just four years, but
the move to the big screen will likely prove to be a step too far.
Teen Titans Go! to the Movies will follow Robin, Starfire, Cyborg, Raven and Beast Boy
to Hollywood as they go in search of a director to make them famous with their very own superhero
movie—an idea that probably would have worked better as a double episode rather than a full-length
feature film.
Unfortunately, kids will probably clamor to pay for an hour and a half of the same stuff
everybody hates about the show.
"How you like that President Nixon?
Hah!
Back on the standard, baby!"
Slender Man
In 2009, a Something Awful user posted a made-up horror story and some doctored photos to the
website's forum, unaware of the chain of events he'd set in motion.
Before long, the faceless man he'd created, with the ability to turn children against
one another, had become a genuinely popular meme and, tragically, would go on to inspire
a real-life crime.
Unsurprisingly, people have reacted angrily to the news of a Slender Man movie.
Even if it wasn't a totally insensitive move by the studio, Sony still wouldn't be coming
out of this well, because the trailer makes the movie look downright awful.
From creaking doors and jerking heads to creepy forests and screaming schoolgirls, they break
out every worn-out trope a horror fan could think of, and then some.
If you want to be scared this year, you're better off looking just about anywhere else.
Alita: Battle Angel
Robert Rodriguez changed the way indie filmmakers thought about GCI when he created the stunning
visuals in 2005's Sin City from his home studio, faithfully adapting Frank Miller's beloved
graphic novels.
The director has taken a similar approach to the upcoming Alita: Battle Angel, his live-action
take on the manga Battle Angel Alita.
The cyborg heroine is being played via motion-capture by Rosa Salazar, whose eyes have been enlarged
to look as though they're straight out of the pages of the comic.
Talking about the bizarre concept, Robert Rodriguez said:
"The early artwork I saw that [James Cameron] had, before it was even technically possible,
had that in her.
It was so striking and so arresting, I thought, 'My god, we have to do that.
We have to be the first to bring a true manga and anime character to life.'"
"The eyes are the window to the soul.
She's got some big windows to see, you know, of the soul that goes on within that character,
cause the character has such great heart and great soul."
While the filmmakers' intentions might have been good, fans of the source material haven't
been as positive about the design decisions.
Considering the sordid history of live-action manga adaptations, we're not holding onto
a lot of hope for this one.
Peter Rabbit
While it's now considered a classic of children's literature, British author Beatrix Potter
actually had trouble getting The Tale of Peter Rabbit published when she wrote and illustrated
it in the late 1800s.
In 1901, she decided to self-publish 250 copies of the book with her own money.
It went on to become a hit via word of mouth, prompting one of the publishing houses who'd
previously turned her down to come crawling back.
In the years that followed, Potter turned down plenty of offers to turn Peter Rabbit
into a feature film, even rejecting offers for an adaptation by Walt Disney himself.
We'll never know what Disney's Peter Rabbit might have looked like, but it's probably
safe to say that Potter would have hated the brash party animal that Sony has turned him
into.
Potter's relative, Nadine Hanwell, told The Scottish Mail on Sunday:
"Beatrix Potter would be turning in her grave.
I hope parents don't take their children to see the film.
She would absolutely loathe this."
Reviews don't get much worse than that, but it looks like there's a good reason for the
hate.
Peter was always mischievous in the books, but in this interpretation, he's less cuddly
critter and more arrogant frat boy.
"You must be Peter Rabbit.
Yeah that's right."
Judging by the early reaction to the trailer, this one is likely to be another major miss
for Sony.
Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation
Like the majority of Adam Sandler movies, 2012's Hotel Transylvania went down pretty
badly with the critics, only managing to score 44 percent on Rotten Tomatoes.
Predictably, reviews for the 2014 sequel didn't fare much better.
After that flop, most people probably expected the franchise to crawl back into its coffin.
"Why don't you just put a stake through my heart."
So why are we staring down the barrel of a third Hotel Transylvania movie?
Basically, because they make a ton of money.
The first two films were made for around $85 million each, yet they've pulled in staggering
amounts at the worldwide box office—$358 million and $473 million, respectively.
A series of leaked emails in 2014 confirmed that Sandler and the studio had fallen out
over Hotel Transylvania 2, with the star apparently wrestling control of the animated project
away from director Genndy Tartakovsky.
Despite that giant mess, Sandler, Tartakovsky and Sony all came back together to make a
third Hotel Transylvania, putting financial gain over professional pride.
We can probably expect Summer Vacation to be the worst Hotel Transylvania yet.
Fifty Shades Freed
Mocking the terrible dialogue littered throughout the Fifty Shades of Grey novels was the internet's
favorite game for a while, and it's hard to argue against the haters when you actually
sit down to read the books.
"He grabbed me suddenly and yanks me up against him, one him at my back holding me to him,
and another hand… oh my god, I'm not going to say that."
To be fair to author E.L.
James, she spotted a gap in the literary market and plugged it, so to speak, cleverly tweaking
what began as a bunch of Twilight fan fiction for the mom audience.
A big-screen adaptation seemed inevitable after the success of the raunchy trilogy,
and there were more than a few fans who hoped that the books' kinks would be ironed out
in the process.
It hasn't happened.
"Seriously?"
"Yes."
Reviews for the first movie bashed almost everything about it, and the second picture
went down just as poorly.
Judging by the trailer for the final installment, Fifty Shades Freed, the filmmakers haven't
changed their approach one bit.
Yeah, it'll probably rake in just as much money as the first two installments in the
trilogy, but that doesn't mean it'll be a pleasure to watch.
Viy 2: Journey to China
This adventure fantasy sequel pits action stars Jackie Chan and Arnold Schwarzenegger
against one another.
In Russian.
And Arnie is Captain Hook.
Confused?
Well, to properly explain this wacky looking Russo-Chinese production, we need to first
mention that the previous movie, Viy: Forbidden Empire, was the highest-grossing Russian film
of 2014.
The swashbuckling fantasy epic is based on a classic horror novella first published in
1853, and the movie was even on track for a U.S. release until a lawsuit between co-producers
derailed it.
That may have been for the better, considering that the few American critics that actually
got to see it weren't exactly blown away.
But considering how much money the first film made, a sequel was inevitable.
Only instead of concentrating on the positive parts of the original, they seem to have embraced
the crazy.
Chan and Schwarzenegger take top billing over the original film's star, Jason Flemyng.
They both appear more than him in both trailers, even though they're only supporting characters
in the continuation of his tale.
The first film was guilty of favoring style over substance, and that doesn't seem to have
changed for the sequel.
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