hi my name is Ted and my job here at
Conan is to watch Danny a lot of things
need to go right for the cotan TV show
to go on each night and my part is to
watch Danny so he doesn't ruin it if I
don't have Danny in my direct line of
sight god knows what he can do have I
ever seen him commit an act of treachery
no that only proves how devious he
really is Danny is a troubling
individual sometimes it even feels like
he is watching me hi my name is Danny
and my job here at Conan is to watch Ted
Ted is a menace to the Conan show and it
is my sole duty to keep an eye on him so
that he doesn't mess up the production
stop watching me I watch you I don't
even want to think about what would
happen if I took my eyes off Ted I watch
you you don't watch me I've been
tracking you for 48 hours Ted I believe
that my job at the Conan show is the
most important by far in some circles as
a theory that the show only exists to
learn Ted here so that I can keep an eye
on it
stop watching me I'm watching you Bob
watching me I'm watching you stop it
this can't stop coming like for
documentary why are you walking like
that we can't get any work done if
you're doing this stop stop watching me
this is very disruptive sometimes it
even feels like Ted is watching me
that's just how depraved he is what I
kill Danny if I was given an opportunity
absolutely but my job is just to watch
him and I'm a professional I come in
early every morning to Train by watching
my Ted dummy
please don't be alarmed this is not the
actual Tet but just to be extra safe I
do have to destroy the head see that was
not the real tip I hate to interrupt but
please do keep an eye out for this
gentleman I need to stay alert
to keep my eyes on Ted at all times
that's why I take one of these every two
hours this is what they gave the dog who
cop and lauded the Beagle who finally
got him there are enough Japanese
vegetables in one of these to keep you
going for a full 48 it's not technically
in my job description
but I always watch Danny on the weekends
too oh there he is there he is Danny
Danny Danny where are you going and no
here we go
the scariest thing to me is not knowing
where Danny is when I know where he is I
feel like I can stop him from doing
whatever he's doing better
damn I can't see him in there I saw him
go in though
I don't even live there I just rent that
house to BAE Ted so I can watch him he's
watching an empty house what a lunatic
[Applause]