are you tired of dating men who are
unwilling or unable to step up and be
the kind of partner and man that you
want in relationship I feel your pain
are you ready to finally attract in that
guy who gives you and shows up for you
exactly the way that you need well in
this video we're gonna talk about how
you can be the queen to inspire and
attract a king to enter your love life
[Music]
hi there Matt Schaefer your empowerment
connection in a relationship coach I'm a
former attorney who's committed his life
to supporting women like you in creating
the sort of fun fulfilling dynamic
relationships and connections with men
that you are so worthy of and this is
gonna be a really fun topic today how to
be the queen to inspire and activate a
king to enter your life and we're gonna
dive into in just a second but before we
do take a second hit that little
subscribe button and don't forget to
click that link in the comments and
caption I have created a great training
that I know is really gonna help you in
your relationships and connections with
men
so before we unpack what a king is and
how you can draw one into your life
let's talk about the court jesters let's
talk about all the other types of man
that you no longer want to have in your
court let's go down the list of usual
suspects we got your players right the
man who use sex as a commodity and are
always trying to say exactly what you
want to hear so they can get you into
bed and then you have the narcissists
men that are so wounded and so
self-loathing that they actually abuse
women emotionally to get attention and
love to fill the void within them and
then you have emotionally avoidant men
men that only want a situation ship
right men that keep you at arm's
distance and maybe they'll allow you in
a little bit but if you try to get too
close they're gonna pull away and of
course you have your hyper controlling
men men that want to micromanage every
aspect of your life and that may be
based in trauma or insecurity or one of
a million other reasons and this is just
four examples of the endless assortment
of men who bottom line are unwilling or
unable to be the kind of man that you
want and it can make you happy and
fulfilled in relationship so first and
foremost we get to declare that we are
no longer going to entertain the
attention or energy of these men are you
with me because one of the biggest steps
in getting what we do want in
relationship is recognizing what we
don't want and what we're no longer
going to settle for because once we do
that we have created a space for what we
do want and what we are truly worthy of
a king first off a king is standing
deeply in his masculine power and he
recognizes consciously or intuitively
his identity as a man
and the way to show up as a man in
relationship so he understands that he
gets to be the driving force in the
relational container he gets to create
safety for you and be that grounding
force for you in relationship he knows
how to hold space for you in a powerful
way and allow you to be emotional and
expressive and vulnerable and celebrate
that about you
he's an ownership of his identity and
purpose in the world and he's actively
pursuing that on a regular basis and
this is an important one he knows what
he wants in relationship and expresses
it directly to you he's not playing
games he's not being elusive or evasive
or manipulative in the way that he's
communicating his wants or desires in
relationship he's owning it he respects
and honors your feelings your wants and
your needs he's not dismissive or
mocking of any of it even if it's
something that he may not understand or
fully agree with and at the end of the
day he's your partner your lover and
your friend is that the kind of man that
you want to be in relationship with of
course it is right but here's the thing
even a worthy man even a king will not
step up in that way and in the way that
you want unless you are in full
ownership of your inner value unless you
are showing up as a queen and this
speaks to a very important principle
that I want to reiterate for you here
that every relationship is a mirror for
you so if we want a king in our life
what do we get to be a queen
because otherwise a king isn't gonna
want to hold court with you so let's
look at four powerful ways that you can
show up and be that Queen to activate
and draw in a king so the first key is a
queen knows her value and she
unapologetically embodies it so what
would this look like for you right well
first off it means that you get to be
consciously connected with all of the
value that you bring into relationship
and that you bring into the room what
are your gifts what are your talents
what beauty do you possess and who are
you at your deepest level right you get
to be in full ownership of
the brilliance of who you are and that
really means doing some inner work first
and acknowledging and identifying that
for yourself and then every time you go
out in the world every time you go out
on a date you are owning that because I
can say as a high value man as a man
who's constantly looking at and you know
interpreting the people and especially
the women that I'm engaging and
interacting with you can tell you can
feel it when a woman is fully in
ownership of her goddess nests right you
can tell from the way she looks at you
from the way she carries her body it's
very obvious and men can consciously or
subconsciously they can pick up on it so
if you are in full embodiment of your
value and your showing up with that
energy then men are gonna feel it and
they're going to see you as a queen that
they want to be connected to and the
second key is a queen has sound judgment
and she uses it often and this can look
a lot of different ways it can look like
setting positive constructive boundaries
with a man upfront and consistently so
he knows what you enjoy and what you
don't want him to do right that's a very
powerful way for you to exercise
judgment in the way that you interact
with him another powerful way to
exercise judgment is to recognize when
to intervene and stop a man from making
a mistake and when to honor his
discretion and allow him to make a
mistake and learn from it
so this might come up in the planning of
a date right where if a man really wants
to plan a date for you and he's picking
a route to go on a trip and that route
isn't necessarily the fastest route or
the best route but it's the one that he
wants to take it might be better for you
instead of correcting him and saying but
wouldn't it be faster for us to go on
this trip and then on that way for you
to just allow him to pick the route
allow him to be in the driver's seat and
just have it be a little bit of a longer
drive because if you're always
correcting a man then you are
emasculating him you're making him feel
wrong and obviously if it's going to be
a huge deal and it's gonna create a
massive inconvenience then intervene
right but a good Queen in her discretion
and in her sound judgment will honor a
man's
right too sometimes take the lead and
make a mistake and a third and maybe the
most important way to exercise regal
judgment is to always choose response
over reaction and this is such an
important distinction in such a powerful
opportunity for you to show up as a
queen because with every situation that
you experience both in relationship and
just out in the world you always have
two choices you can choose to react
which basically means that you give your
power to whatever feelings or emotions
are coming up for you in reaction to
that situation so say a man says
something that triggers you or that you
don't like or that aggravates you to be
reactive to that would be to take that
frustration or that anger or that hurt
that you feel and immediately throw it
back at him by yelling at him or saying
a barbed comment riot and maybe shutting
down and freezing him out that would be
a reactive way of dealing with it and
the other option you always have
available is to choose to respond to the
situation right and so when we are
responding to a situation we are making
a conscious choice we are choosing our
behavior and the way that we are
responding to the situation based upon
an intention that we are setting so say
for example the man does something that
triggers you or that aggravates you or
brings up some feelings for you right
instead of being reactive you can choose
a response that you say to him grounded
in your intention to have a loving
vulnerable relationship so that response
might be for you to vulnerably share
with him in a calm grounded way how
you're feeling how his behavior may have
impacted the way that you feel so you
could use a feedback process or you
could simply if a lot of feelings are
coming up and you don't think it would
be healthy for you to to have a
conversation about it in the moment you
could say hey I'm feeling a little
triggered right now I'm going to go home
and I'm gonna go work through this
trigger and let's just talk about this
tomorrow sound good and when you choose
response overreaction what you're doing
is you're actually deepening your
connection to
man and you're defusing any potential
conflict before it starts because when
you're reactive to him you're actually
encouraging him to be reactive back to
you which creates an escalation in
conflict that rarely benefits
relationship and it definitely doesn't
reflect the relationship of a king in a
queen now the third key is that a queen
stands for her man's greatness because
she truly believes in him I cannot tell
you how important this is to inviting
and evoking and inspiring a man to step
into his kingly nature and want to share
it with you and one powerful way to
stand for a man's greatness is to be
willing and have the courage to give him
feedback let him know your thoughts and
feelings especially about how he's
showing up in the world if he's showing
up emasculated if he's out of alignment
right if you're really experiencing
aspects of him that maybe he doesn't see
you have a right and even a
responsibility to let him know hey is
everything okay right because my
experience of you is that you seem
really stressed out you seem really
upset and I want to support you in that
right because your goal and giving a man
feedback is you're being his mirror
right and it's not to emasculate him but
rather to help him see and understand
himself at a deeper way and guide him
towards taking things to the next level
or healing and releasing whatever it is
that he's struggling with this is also
known as not selling out on your partner
which is a truly powerful and important
thing because so many people in
relationship will sell out on their
partners because they don't want to have
an uncomfortable conversation they don't
want to call their partner out on what's
not working for them in a relationship
right but truly I can tell you from
personal experience some of the greatest
growth that I have had in relationship
has been when my partner has basically
told me what they see in me that's not
working and they've told me how I'm not
showing up with the greatness that they
see possible for me sometimes it can be
so inspiring and evoking for a man for a
woman to look him in the eyes and
say I just see so much power I see so
much greatness in you and I want to help
you get there because something is
holding you back something is stopping
you from getting there so what is it
what's it what's coming up for you right
now what's bothering you and how can I
support you in getting through it and
another super important way that a queen
can stand for her King's greatness is to
love him fiercely and unconditionally
and I emphasize unconditionally because
so often men put this pressure on
themselves that in order to earn the
right to be loved by their partners that
they need to be perfect right that they
need to be this knight in shining armor
this perfect hero a lot of men have a
story that women love them because of
their success because of their
achievement right and so they will hide
their failures or their fear of failure
from women that they're getting to know
because they're afraid that if they're
not that perfect successful golden boy
that it's going to undermine or
compromise the love and commitment of
their partner so one of the most
inspiring things you can do for a man
that you were getting to know is to let
him know that you believe in him you see
his greatness and it's okay for him to
fail it's okay for him to share with you
his struggles his fears how his life is
being messy right because you're not
tying your love conditionally to his
success in achievement you believe in
him you believe in his greatness and you
want to be his partner in achieving it
and you expect that same belief and that
same support love back from him and the
fourth key is a queen regularly holds
and deeply appreciates her own court
meaning that you have a deep vibrant
loving circle of friends and family that
you connect with you have an active and
vibrant social life right and sometimes
your King is involved and sometimes he's
not right he doesn't always have to be a
part of every plan you make this is very
activating it adds a ton of value a man
really wants to see and feel that your
happiness is not his responsibility that
he is not the sole person to provide you
with a social calendar right so if he
can see that you have your own court and
that you
love to hold it and sometimes he gets to
be a part of it and other times he
doesn't and he's gonna recognize you as
the royalty that you are and treat you
accordingly so those are four keys to
get you started on what it is to be a
queen out in the world and in
relationships with men I want you to get
really practical and look at how you can
apply them in your life and dating in
relationships and that first one of
course was a queen knows her value and
she embodies it right so it's going out
in the world and unapologetically being
actively connected to the value that you
are through the treasure that you are to
the brilliance in such a way that every
man you connect with is gonna see it and
he's gonna feel it and secondly a queen
has good judgment and she is not afraid
to use it
so this could look like knowing when to
set positive proactive boundaries that
inspire a man rather than a mask you
laid him this can be knowing when to let
a man make a mistake and knowing when to
intervene and most importantly this is
really knowing how to respond rather
than react situations and experiences
especially the ones that are triggering
or challenging and a queen stands for
her king's greatness and supports him
and loves him unconditionally so a man
really needs to feel that you are in his
corner no matter what that your love
isn't predicated on his success or on
his achievement and he knows he can
trust you to give him feedback and be
his mirror and let him know if he's not
showing up in the greatness that you see
in him and lastly of course a queen
holds and appreciates and celebrates her
own court her friends and family her
life her plans they are all happening
autonomous and independent of her
relationship with this man so get out
there and unapologetically own your
royal power so you can inspire and
invite in a king who is a truly worthy
partner for you before you do if you
love this video take a second hit that
little subscribe button and don't forget
to click that link in the comments and
caption I have created a great training
that I know is really gonna help you in
your connections and relationships with
men see you on my next video bye bye