- [Amber] We are the Little Rock Nine.
We are (beep) nine visions of black excellence.
We will go to school and we'll change the world.
It'll be great.
- Hello.
Today we're going to talk about the Scopes Monkey Trial.
(mouth slurping)
The 1925 in Dayton, Tennessee, the economy was tanking.
George Rappleyea was a lawyer.
One day he saw an open letter in the newspaper.
The ACLU, which is a new organization
offers to represent any teacher that wants
to challenge the new Tennessee state law
that forbids the teaching of evolution.
This gives George an idea.
Hey, if someone locally challenged this law,
it could become the trial of the century
and it could help the economy in our (beep) little town
that nobody knows about.
George Rappleyea, who I want to call Appleyea,
because it's the only way I can remember his name.
Apple yay!
But his name is Rappleyea.
- Right. - Yeah.
Don't call them Appleyea.
Okay, I call him Rappleyea.
So they pitched this idea to John Scopes
of the Scopes Monkey Trial.
Isn't it terrible that there's this law?
You're a science teacher.
Yeah, I'm a football coach.
I also took,
I'm a football coach.
I also teach a little science
and I personally believe in evolution.
The ACLU, they hire the greatest defense attorney,
probably ever, Clarence Darrow.
Public schools should teach science and facts.
That's what I think.
William Jennings Bryan comes in to fight
for the Tennessee state statute, which he inspired.
You can't teach evolution.
Yeah, legally you can't teach it.
On the first day of the Scope Monkey Trial
Williams Jenning Bryan,
why does that not sound like I'm saying it right?
Williams Jenning Bryan says to the court,
"If evolution wins, Christianity goes."
And to that Clarence Darrow argued
that Scopes isn't on trial.
Civilization is on trial.
This was like a boxing match.
This was the trial of the century,
and for the first time,
people were able to hear a trial on their radios.
There was a point in the trial in which Clarence Darrow
asked scientists to explain the theory of evolution.
But the judge in the Scopes Monkey Trial was John Raulston.
And he believed, "I have been called on by God
"to be the judge in this case.
"So I don't care what all these scientists have to say.
"They can't give testimony."
So Clarence Darrow decided, "Okay, all my witnesses,
"they can't give testimony.
"So I'll ask someone who's an expert on the Bible
"to give testimony.
"Hey, what is your name, Bryant?
"I know you're on the other side of this case,
"but why don't you go on the witness stand
"and I'll question you about the Bible?"
Now, Williams Jenning Bryan was so excited about this.
He was like, "Oh my God,
"I'm gonna destroy you as a witness.
"I will go on the witness stand."
Now the judge didn't want him to do this.
The judge was (muffled speaking).
(BJ laughing)
When Clarence Darrow puts William Jennings Bryan
on the Bible, he asks,
"Do you believe all the stories of the Bible literally?"
And the first answer of William Jennings Bryan is,
"Yes, the Bible is literal.
"I believe in it literally."
And then asking him specific questions.
Where did Kane's wife come from?
He made Adam and Eve.
And then all of a sudden there are other people
and Kane finds a wife.
Where did Kane's wife come from?
William Jennings Bryan gets flustered and says,
"Well, I leave that up to you agnostics to find out."
That's all Clarence Darrow needed.
So you're not interpreting the Bible literally?
Clarence Darrow goes on
to destroy William Jennings Bryan on facts.
- [Derek] Are you still spinning or how do you feel?
- Well, I'm, I'm dizzy.
I feel weird.
I feel like I think I know where I'm going,
and then I get utterly confused
about where I thought I was going.
Ah, nope.
Gonna get Facebook responses for this.
This was the complete destruction
of William Jennings Bryant
and William Jennings Bryant looks like a fool.
But William Jennings Bryant
knows I have the most amazing closing argument to make.
So the entire country listening to the radio agrees,
Clarence Darrow just mopped the floor
with William Jennings Bryant.
But William Jennings Bryant
has the most amazing closing argument to make.
Unfortunately for him,
Clarence Darrow also knows that he probably
has a pretty amazing closing argument.
So when the judge asks, Clarence Darrow
says, "I don't want to make a closing argument."
By law William Jennings Bryant now cannot
make his closing argument.
He was like, "You scumbag.
"You know what a (beep) scumbag you're being right now."
He was just humiliated
and now he can't even make the closing argument
he's been working on for the entire trial,
because he knew that at least in the minds
of those listening to the trial on the radio,
he had won and that's all he wanted.
Because he knew he was gonna lose.
He wanted to lose so that a higher court
could decide on this bigger law.
Six days after the trial,
William Jennings Bryant died
and the press reported that William Jennings Bryant
didn't die of diabetes.
He died of a broken heart.
- You think they were right? - No,
I think he died of diabetes.
- [Derek] Perfect ending.
- Hey everybody, I'm Amber Ruffin,
and I'm here to talk about the Little Rock Nine.
I can't reach you.
- I got you. - Oh, you got up.
- One more nine.
♪ Do it again ♪
♪ We're gonna celebrate ♪
♪ One more nine ♪
♪ Oh yeah ta pop oh pop oh ♪
Our story starts in Arkansas,
Little Rock to be specific.
It's 1957.
The Supreme court has just ruled in a case
of Brown vs. The Board of Education
that separate is not equal.
So their local NAACP went out to the black community
and found nine kids to go to Central High School,
the premier high school in little Rock, Arkansas.
So this kids are like, "We are the Little Rock Nine.
"We are (beep) nine visions of black excellence.
"We will go to school and we'll change the world.
"It'll be great."
So then the governor of Arkansas, Orval Faubus,
finds out that these kids are planning to integrate
and this bitch, Orval Fartbus.
(Derek laughing)
You can fart all you want on a fart bus.
Anyway, Orval Fartbus was like,
"Hey, if these kids integrate,
"the streets will run red with blood."
Orval Fartbus is a bitch.
(both laughing)
So then the kids show up to school on September 4th, 1957,
the first day of school.
The senior in the group of the Little Rock Nine
is Ernest Green.
And he is like, "Oh my gosh,
"there is an ass load of angry white people."
This angry white mob was like, "We don't like you.
"You need to go away.
"We are going to beat you up
"and hang you from a tree (laughs)."
This is not funny.
Meanwhile, on the other side of school,
Elizabeth Eckford, the ninth of the Little Rock Nine
is like, "Oh (beep), I'm here all by myself.
"Oh my God, there's a huge mob of white people.
"This is terrifying.
They're yelling and they have signs
and they're shouting shit.
And they are like, "Hey, you're white.
"I mean, I'm white and you're black.
"So that means I don't like you."
So she gathers herself and this girl is G'd up.
(beep) face stone cold and walking through these people
who want to pick her up and break her in two,
just walking through like a G.
And she sees the Arkansas National Guard.
"They must be here to help me," she thinks.
She quickens her pace and she goes,
"Hey, these white people are trying to kill me.
"Please save me."
And they like block her entrance.
They are letting other white students in and she's like,
"What is the deal?
"You are the National (beep) Guard.
"If anybody needs to be guarded it's me here now."
So she leaves school.
She sits down at the bus stop
and the white people are surrounding her.
And they're like, "We don't like you, you are poopy."
She went several minutes for the bus.
The bus pulls up and she's like,
"Thank God, I can finally get out of here.
"This isn't the last I will see of you,
"but also (beep), can I just get a (beep) education?"
So (burps) that was the first attempt and they lost.
So attempt number two, they regroup.
They go at it again in a week.
They all got together this time
and they all entered school at the same place
at the same time.
The Little Rock police force escorts the children
into school and they say, "Hey, look,
"let me catch you out on the street any other day,
"and then who knows what?
"But today we'll take care of you."
They escort the children into school
and they hold the line so that the crazy angry white mob
does not act a fool.
But the angry mob, they break through the police line
and goes into the school
and are like, "Ha, we hate black people so much,
"we're coming in this school to snatch you out."
So the cops are like, (beep).
So they get away in the nick of time
because people are so angry that they beat up cops
and push them out of the way
so they could get to these children.
White people.
So they go to their houses.
These kids are now like,
"Oh man, there's nothing we can do.
"I feel very discouraged.
"All these white people are extra crazy, they're very mad."
Ernest Green turns to the group and he says,
"You know what?
"We need to continue through to school
"because all of these white people
"are going to think we are to be (beep) with.
"We absolutely can't give up."
So ba ba ba doo,
that story of the crazy white people
of Little Rock, Arkansas finds its way to Eisenhower.
And he is like, "This shit is (beep) embarrassing.
"These white people are (beep) my shit up.
"How dare these people think that they can use mob mentality
"to overrule."
(both laughing)
I mean none of these words are words
that have ever come out of my mouth.
(beep) it.
So President Eisenhower says,
"I'm gonna send in 1,000 troops from the 101st Airborne."
Not a hundred of them, a hundred would have done it.
Not 200, not 300, but 1,000 of these people.
The Little Rock Nine arrive at school together.
And the 101st Airborne is there and they say,
"Hey, look, we are going to take care of you today.
(horn beeping)
"We're gonna take care of you today.
"We are going take..."
(horn beeping)
(Amber laughing)
Beep!
Where were we?
Oh, okay.
So they were like, "We're gonna take care of you today."
They escort the children into school.
They're holding back the crazy white people.
So the Little Rock Nine is like,
"This is the shit, we did it.
"We win everything, hooray for us!"
So they go into school.
But once they get into school, they realize, "Oh shit.
"Now we have to deal with these children."
These white children are like,
"Ah ha, you finally made it in school.
"Now you belong to us.
"We're gonna beat you up every chance we get."
She's like, "Why?"
And they're like, "We don't know exactly why we hate you.
"We just know that it's something our parents
"have handed down to us.
"And so we're just acting in what we believe
"are their best interests."
And Elizabeth is like,
"Well, I don't know that that is their best interest.
"Maybe if you just get along with me."
And they're like, "No!"
These children give the Little Rock Nine hell
for a whole year,
and these little babies
are being the blackediest black, black
that ever blacked and it is blackening up my soul.
Okay, so Ernest Green graduated,
and he was like, "Oh, thank God.
"These people almost killed me."
So Ernest Green walks across the stage, grabs his diploma,
looks out in the audience and sees Dr. Martin Luther King.
Ernest was like, "Oh my God,
"that is Dr. Martin Luther the King!"
He's like, "These people almost killed me, but I did it.
"Isn't this crazy?"
And then Dr. Martin Luther King was like,
"Well, there's nothing else you have to do
"'cause you've already gone through it, good job."
Look at my nails, they're so beautiful.
Hi, hi so pretty!
What was I talking about?
Oh okay, then the 40 year anniversary was in 1997.
Oprah Winfrey had them on her show
and Oprah Winfrey was like, "Hey, Little Rock Nine,
"guess who I have on the show?
"The children that tormented you."
And the bullies were like,
"Look, back in 1957, we were little punks,
"but now we're cool dudes who love you,
"and we're sorry because we were mean to you
"and being mean to black people is not cool anymore.
"So we just wanted to absolve ourselves of that."
Their apologies were not up to 2019 standards.
Their apologies were frankly bullshit,
but the Little Rock Nine forgave them
for all the terrible things they did.
And that is more than (beep) I ever would've done.
So in 1999, President Bill Clinton
gave each of the Little Rock Nine
the Congressional Gold Medal,
because what they went through was (beep) amazing.
It's shocking that anyone went through it,
much less children.
Cannot point out enough that they were children.
So the Little Rock Nine wins.
Everyone else is a piece of shit.
The end.
Racism's fixed and everything's fine.
- Oh cool.
Happy 2019.
(Amber laughing)
Isn't it cool?
- Happy 2019!
I don't know what I was saying, but I love margaritas
and black people!
- Hello.
This is Solomon Georgio.
And today we're gonna be talking about Mister Fred Rogers.
Mm!
- Won't you be my neighbor?
♪ Won't you be my neighbor ♪
- I would be your neighbor. - Ah!
So starts in 1951.
Fred McFeely Rogers.
He watches children's TV for the first time.
And for the most part, it's just slapstick.
Guys throwing pies on each other's faces.
(muffled speaking) being cranked
and whatever nonsense is happening.
He was like, "Well, this is just garbage, hot garbage.
"What are we watching?"
And he's like, "I wanna do this,
"but I wanna do it for the kids."
And he actually got a job at NBC,
but they were like, "We gotta do commercials.
"Cigarettes, alcohol, alcohol made out of cigarettes."
- Yeah. - All that fun stuff.
- [Derek] Let's make the kids like this.
- Yeah, and he just got fed up.
Was like, "This is not good enough for me.
"I gotta (beep) go back to PT-burgh, (beep) off Pennsylvania
"and see how I can, what I can do."
- [Derek] I can't believe Mister Rogers would swear.
- Oh, I'm pretty sure he was like, "Gosh, darn flim farm,
"ding, dang, goobledy gock.
"We gotta go back to PT-burghie, H-E double hockey sticks.
"Pennsylvania."
They get back to Pittsburgh
and he starts working with WQED.
He gets an opportunity to have his own show and he's like,
"Oh, that sounds wonderful, do you have any money?"
And they're like, (laughs) "No, so figure that out."
And he's like, "Oh great.
"We gotta do something with this tight, tight budget.
"Maybe we should just do puppets.
"Puppets are tight.
"Everybody loves puppets."
Then he's like, "All right,
"we're going to call this Mister Rogers' Neighborhood.
"We got the puppets.
"We got the Land of Make-Believe.
"We got Mr. McFeely, the weird post man
"that I named after my middle name.
"And we're gonna make kids feel special."
And he does that.
And they started broadcasting
on the Public Broadcasting Station.
And guess what he deals with again?
Financial problems. - Shit.
- He can't hide from them.
They're everywhere.
All right, I need to do a fundraiser.
I guess I'll do a fundraiser in Boston.
That's a good place for fundraisers to happen.
And surprisingly out of nowhere,
10,000 people just show up.
- 10,000? - 10,000 people.
And that piqued the interest of our president at the time,
Mr. Lyndon B Johnson who honestly dope as hell.
Hey, I'm gonna set up the Corporation
For Public Broadcasting.
You get to have 20 million dollars.
So when Lyndon B. Johnson is like, "Peace."
And then Richard Nixon showed up and he was like,
"Aw, the Vietnam War is happening.
"I'm gonna cut the funding."
But before Nixon could take all that money away,
they had to have a Senate committee hearing
led by Rhode Island Senator John Pastore.
This is when Mister Rogers slides in.
Like part of me is like let's imagine Mister Rogers
just moonwalking into the committee.
(both laughing)
Mister Rogers was like, "This is what we do.
"We look at kids and go, hey, you are legit a person.
"And you have an importance in this world.
"Also your imagination is a brilliant thing
"that you have going on in your head.
"Maybe we should develop it in this great, insane way."
He spoke the words of the song that I wrote
about what to do when you're mad.
Like, well, what do you do when you're mad?
Do you want to punch a wall?
You want to rip your mama's hair out?
Do you want to kick your kid sister in the face?
Well, how about you just
sing this precious little song instead?
And John looked at him and was like,
"I am a rough, hard, armadillo of a human man,
"but you gave me goosebumps.
"You gave me spine chills."
They were like, "We get it.
"What you do is wonderful.
"You deserve this 20 million dollars.
"We were dumb for even bringing you here, Mister Rogers."
That day PBS was legit saved.
They weren't losing any funding.
They were like, "You are legit the greatest thing
"that's ever happened to television.
"You're doing such a great job.
"Kids are the best and you're the best and never stop."
If it wasn't for what Mister Rogers did that day
there would've been no Sesame Street.
There've would've been no Lamb Chops Play-Along.
There would have been no Reading Rainbow.
It just, the list goes on and on and on and on and on.
He left behind several decades
of some of the best children's television programming ever
in the history of, not only television,
but the whole world.
- [Both] Humanity.
- To PBS. - To PBS!
- Mister Rogers.
- And the good of humanity. - Amen.
(balloon vibrating)
(boy screaming)
(dramatic orchestral music)