(bright music)
- Hi guys, I'm Stevie
and this is the wonderful Jessica,
and we are back for another episode
of "Sweet Aunt, Spicy Aunt." (thunder rumbles)
- Oh my goodness.
- So if you want us to answer your questions
in our next episode,
then be sure to follow us both on Instagram
and look out for the little question box.
- [Josie] Sorry, I've got a yawn.
- Oh, also, if you haven't watched the first part,
go over to Jessica's channel.
The link will be in the description
to watch that one first.
Or, you can watch it after,
but it's up to you.
Also, happy International Women's Day.
- Yay. - Text a woman you love.
- [Josie] Okay, question one.
I just moved in with my partner.
How do I make time for myself
when I'm such a people pleaser?
- Did you experience this?
- I am the opposite of a people pleaser.
- Yeah, no, nevermind.
So I found that when I first met Claudia,
I wanted to do nothing except
spend every single moment of every single day with her.
And I was like,
thank God she goes to work
because when would I rest?
And we are, like, (exhales)
eight and a half, almost nine years into knowing each other
and it's still a bit like that.
- Yeah, I think that you should just
have open communication.
And if you are someone who is
a little bit more agreeable than your partner
and the other person is a little more disagreeable,
then that's something that you should talk about
so that the disagreeable one
can be aware of your people-pleasing tendencies,
because I'm sure that they don't wanna
take advantage of you.
You know what I mean?
- Yeah, I wish when, my first relationship,
I'd been a bit more open
about my people-pleasing tendencies,
although, I didn't realize that's what it was.
I definitely was, like, "Yeah, it's fine.
"I can do this essay later,"
and then it comes to midnight and I'm like,
"Oh no, I really wish I'd done this earlier
"and now I'm exhausted.
"But here I am." (groans)
- Yeah, when I was going through, like,
the process of learning how to adopt,
like how to become an adopter-
Adopter?
- Adoptive parent? - Adoptive parent.
They are saying there's like a general rule
of take a bit of time to yourself every single day,
a longer chunk of time to yourself once a week,
and even longer chunk of time to yourself once a month.
And I think that can be applied
to any relationship or living situation where,
you know, at least- - That just sounds good
for all humans. - Yeah.
Like having a cup of tea by yourself
or just any hobby that you have at least once a day,
and then once a week going away for a couple hours
to do whatever, have a long bath or go out and see a friend.
- (laughs) Sounds good.
- Are you gonna start doing that now,
having a cup of tea by yourself in the garden?
- [Josie] A Lemsip.
- Don't drink tea, just Lemsip.
- Oh my god, wait, should we do a video where you try
a bunch of different tea? - No, I hate tea.
- I know,
that's why it'd be great. - I'm a terrible
British person, I'm sorry.
- That's why it'll be entertaining.
- Oh my god.
- You'll just say
it's all bad. - They'll all taste terrible.
- [Josie] How to feel sexy and fun again
after becoming physically disabled?
- That is a hard question to answer, I think,
without knowing what's happened.
- Yeah, so what I'm getting from your question
is that becoming disabled
has made you feel not sexy and not fun.
There's so many things that can happen
in someone's life to make them feel not fun
and to make them feel not sexy.
And my trick has always been to gaslight myself
and everyone else around me, right?
So if, like, I'm not feeling sexy in the moment,
I just look in the mirror and I go,
"Holy (censored), you are
"the hottest (censored) I've ever seen in my life."
And then I say that to other people that I'm around,
and it basically tricks them into believing it.
Because I'm so (censored) not, right?
I feel like I've just gaslit everyone
into thinking that I'm really attractive,
you know? - Okay.
For me, (laughs)
fair enough, fair enough.
You go, well done.
Good job.
Excellent. - Could you do that,
do you think? - Oh, no,
I just think I am fun.
- Oh yeah.
So then, yes.
- So I, (laughs)
yeah, I know.
No, so I grew up with a disability.
For me, my body isn't necessarily
read as being physically disabled
when I have clothes on.
There was definitely a process
of becoming a teenage girl and being like,
"Ah, I wear bikinis at a pool
"and someone you know is gonna look at my back
"and be like, 'What happened to her?
"'Why is her spine kind of twisted
"'and why do her ribs all go the wrong way?'"
And so for me, what I did was
start to focus on the bits of myself
that I really loved
and I really found attractive within myself.
So in the darkest moments where I'd be like,
"There's nothing about my physical body
"that I like right now."
Like, I paralyzed both of my arms as a teenager,
and they work now,
but not to the full extent
that they did before they became paralyzed.
Don't worry, I have a nerve disorder.
This thing happens.
It probably won't happen to you.
You have no reason to panic.
I feel like I always have to say that
whenever I do a speech
because people are always like,
"Sorry, what?
"What happened?"
But I would focus on things like, just like,
"I really like the way the skin looks on my arm.
"Like, that's really, its really nice.
"Like, I really like my moles here.
"I really like how they make this little triangle,
"that's quite attractive to me.
"I like that."
And then I kind of branched out and be like,
"You know, I've got a really nice wrist.
"You know, like, that's a really nice wrist."
"I like that."
It started to become something that, you know,
actually, yeah, actually yeah, maybe I do love it.
Maybe I do love,
I do love this little body, yeah, okay.
And then I was more willing to share it with other people.
- I love that.
Sometimes when I've, like,
I'm riddled with internalized ableism,
'cause something is happening with my chronic illness,
I just, I have a list of things
that isn't made up of connective tissue.
It's a very short list.
And so- - Teeth.
- I like to like repeat it in my head.
So the one I choose to repeat most
of the time is eyeball juice.
There's no collagen in eyeball juice.
- Stevie. - So I always say,
"Well, at least my eyeball juice is good,"
you know what I mean?
What?
- Oh, that gave me such an ick.
(Stevie laughing)
- I gave you the ick. - Eyeball juice.
- After all these years.
That is what gave you the ick
about me? - Eyeball juice.
- Yeah. - Oh.
- Eyeball juice is good.
Eyeball juice works just like everyone else's.
Are you okay?
- That's so not right. - Oh my god.
Are actually gonna start gipping?
- The point is, there- - Focus on the positives.
On the fun point.
I think if you're really struggling
with a lot of differences in your life now versus before,
a lot of the time it can feel like you are not fun
because you're asking either your partner,
or someone who's caring for you,
or your friends for a lot of support,
or you're saying no to a lot of things,
or it's like, "Oh, I can't do that because of that."
So I think just making up lies
about why that's happening could be really fun.
Like you can make
up an imaginary person and say like,
"Oh my god, Bob kicked me the other day
"so I can't walk very far today.
"Isn't that ridiculous?
"I think I need to tell the police."
You know, just coming up with it's someone else's fault
and, obviously, your friends
and whoever is in on it.
But that could be fun.
Blame it on your imaginary friend Bob for doing everything.
- Bob.
- "Bob put something in my food the other day
"and I think I'm poisoned.
"I can't have gluten today.
"Isn't that crazy?" - Being around you
is such a strange experience.
- Come on, it's fun,
just to shift the blame to an imaginary person.
They won't feel a thing.
- [Josie] Okay, question three,
and try and keep this one a bit shorter.
- All right.
- [Josie] Advice for
a long-distance relationship, question mark?
I'm very much missing constant physical contact.
- I don't know, call an escort.
- Stevie.
- [Josie] How do you decide on house decor with a partner
if your taste is very different?
(bright music)
(Stevie laughs)
- Well, I've always said I would
never be with someone who had
an opinion on home decor
because I could not handle that.
I'm too disagreeable to be with someone
who's gonna fight with me over the wall-paint color.
Right? - Sorry what?
You'd never be with someone who had an opinion-
- Yeah. - About the decor
of your house? - Mine are way too strong.
I need to be with someone- - Are you okay, honey?
Do you we to send someone?
- I used to be with someone who is agreeable,
especially on home decor.
Not on everything, but that specifically,
'cause I am so much,
the vibes have gotta be good.
- Does she get any say?
- Well, she's the most disagreeable person
I've ever been with- - Oh, okay, good
- As it comes to home decor.
So we do get in lots of fights about it, but, you know,
but she still does tell me
I can't paint walls certain colors.
Pisses me right off.
- Well, perhaps you could both create mood boards
and then see what you like on each other's mood boards.
- I love that.
'Cause like you create a separate space
that's not your actual place to decorate, right,
the Pinterest board or the mood board.
You don't give yourself an opportunity
to be territorial or disagree.
Does anyone know a couple who has broken up
because they can't agree on home decor?
Because I feel like
there's gotta be some. - I mean, Claudia and I
both enjoy a good right move,
a good, you know, just a calming search of the right move.
And I have a passion for Edwardian houses.
But the most heartbreaking thing
is when you click on an Edwardian house
and you're like, "What have you done?"
And they've gutted it
and made it all white, shiny, modern inside.
I'm like-
- Landlord special.
- You don't deserve this house.
You don't deserve it.
Back away.
What were you thinking?
Why did you do this?
- I mean the beauty about Edwardian houses is the symmetry,
so you can always kind of restore it, you know.
What I think- - You can't.
- Is criminal is when people take craftsmen, like,
all of the beautiful wood everywhere, craftsman homes,
and then they paint over it.
We could definitely react to those
and that would be great.
Very entertaining 'cause I'm sure we would agree.
- [Josie] Last question.
How to tell my Fox-watching parent I'm bi,
but super casually.
- [Both] Fox-watching?
- They like to watch foxes?
- [Josie] Fox News.
- Oh, Fox-watching.
- And it had reminded me, it went to fox hunting
and I was like- - Me too.
I thought it was like bird watchers
but they like to watch foxes.
- Your parent likes to watch fox hunting.
- [Josie] Just inserting that detail in the-
- Fox News, I mean,
it's been in lots of court proceedings that they're not,
Fox News anchors aren't, don't,
not only do they not believe the things they're saying
but they don't consider their channel as fact.
They consider it as entertainment
and they're being characters.
So it does, it is very difficult
when your parent is someone who thinks
that it's true or real
when the person who's saying it doesn't even think that.
But casual ways to say you're bisexual.
I think you should just always say everyone's bisexual.
Everyone's a little bit bi, right?
Which is something only bisexuals say, right?
But try to get them to agree.
- Interesting, okay.
But how would you bring up that everyone's bisexual?
- Um, I don't know.
People say it to me all the time and I'm like,
"Well, then you just outed yourself as bisexual to me.
"'Cause only bisexuals would say that."
- People say it to you all the time.
You're just ordering coffee
and the person goes, "Here's your coffee.
"Everyone's a little bit bisexual."
- It says it on the cup sometimes, actually.
- What are this parent's other hobbies?
Could we ask? - Fox watching.
- Could we suggest watching a film together
that maybe has some light undertones
of homosexuality?
Maybe? (both laughing)
- Light homosexuality undertones.
- Light homosexuality. - That sounds like
a warning on TV.
- You know, the Hallmark channel, gay-best-friend type.
- Is there anyone on Fox News
that's bisexual? - And then-
I dunno, but that's the place to start.
And then we slowly start adding
more and more and more layers.
- You could ask them how they know they're straight.
I'm not really good at subtle.
Oh, change your name in their phone,
like change their auto-correct to bisexual.
So they start tap typing, like, Katie
but then it changes to bisexual.
- Maybe have a talk with your parent that's like,
(poignant music) "Hey dad, you know I love you.
"and I love everything about you.
"And it really wouldn't matter to me,
"whatever there was.
"And if you felt like you were hiding something
from me- - Yeah, pretend like
they're bisexual.
- "This is an unconditional love between us."
- I love it.
That's genius.
Try it out and let us know how it goes.
- [Josie] That's actually really good advice.
- Yeah, it's really good. - They might be like,
"Oh, same with you, Darling."
- Same with you, Darling, perfect.
I'm bisexual. - Then you go, "But really?"
It's like sort of gaslighty, but like-
(both laugh)
- It's a little bit manipulative,
but- - Yeah, but like
in a really good way.
- It's like gaslighting- - Trick them into
loving you unconditionally. - in a good way, yeah.
- [Josie] Cool, wrap it up.
- All right, thank you guys so much for watching.
Don't forget to go and check out
Jessica's video over on her channel
and also all of her links to all of her socials
will be in the video description
where you can find out about
why her arms went paralyzed that one time.
And if you haven't seen our other episodes
of "Sweet Aunt, Spicy Aunt,"
go to the playlist and catch yourself up.
And we will see you guys next time.
Bye.
I'm going purple.
- Oh my gosh. - Maybe pink first,
but then purple.
Um, oh yeah, we're filming.
(Jessica laughing)
- [Josie] We've along two questions so far
and you've both babbled on both of them.
So- - Can I just say,
the filming of my video,
we were like at five questions by this point.
- Yeah. - And we've
only done two here. - It was quick.