I am stuck in a prolonged period of things not going my way professionally
or socially all that really is going on well is my time management still even
after having owned up to my part in getting here I still seem stuck in a
failure loop ok so what's being addressed here is the prolonged period
of things not going away and and we know that a key part of getting out of a rut
like this or a failure loop is taking ownership of those failures of those
problems that's very important but guess what that alone doesn't solve them at
all just saying I didn't get promoted ok it was my fault
period that doesn't solve the fact that you didn't get promoted I'm not getting
called back to do this other contracting job it's my fault does that mean you get
called back no it doesn't mean anything
taking the ownership means that you actually have to identify the problem
you know you're responsible for it and then you actually have to solve the
problem that's what you have to do just taking ownership of the problem doesn't
make it go away if you take ownership of the problem you have to take ownership
of finding a solution and you have to take ownership of implementing that
solution so this is real straightforward now there's one little tiny part that I
want to point out which you may or may not have noticed echo Charles and I'm
gonna point it out so pay attention to this last sentence and the question
still even after having owned up to my part in getting here and I still seem
stuck in a failure and failure loop what you notice about that echo Charles if
there's another part a whole motor maybe even parts yeah
there's multiple facets of the world that are conspiring yeah to keep you in
this failure loop yeah it's like that tone of when
someone's like hey I did my part I did my job hands up you know kind of
thing though I did my job that's not my job the other parts that are more
implied I guess now that you can uncover in the moment it's like there's this
other job that someone else is sorta part so this is the thing and this is
what this is what makes this very challenging is this idea that like but
how could I possibly control this or that how can I possibly take ownership
of the fact now this is a weak one how can I possibly take ownership for the
fact that my boss is an idiot and fired me hmm
how can that be my fault that he didn't see how good I was right okay we see
what's going on there you obviously aren't being introspective and taking a
look and saying okay this is obviously my fault
here's what I need to change so there's things like that where you go look
you're just not the same thing with relationships right she broke up with me
how can I own that well maybe you look at yourself and you see how you acted as
a partner in that relationship and if you just want to look at that person say
it was her fault she was crazy and oh she was it was her fault she
didn't understand how awesome I was yeah that's not that's that you need to take
ownership of your own behavior why did she think that now you do get to these
things where you have no control
so God asked a question a guy said my I lost my girlfriend to opiate overdose
yeah she died how do I take ownership of that and so I expanded that question
because that's one of those things where you look at you know when you look at
you go how can you take ownership of that
this person did so much drugs and it wasn't like I liked okay I don't know
the specifics of the situation but if you know I'm doing everything I can to
help my girlfriend and then one day I come home and she's od'd she's dead okay
how can I say I wasn't even there right and I let's just say I'd done everything
take her to rehab done all this stuff and as far as I could tell she was clean
and behind my back without telling me at least she did this right so it's almost
like okay that's as much separation as I can get how do you take ownership in a
situation like that and so here's what I went on to say this guy you I said this
might seem like a unique situation but it's not because there's things that
occur in our lives that we actually don't have any control over for instance
most horrible you your family member someone you know gets cancer gets a
horrible terminal disease how do you take ownership of that and the answer is
in these cases when things that are truly beyond your control occur what you
take ownership of is how you respond to them that's that's what you take
ownership how do you respond to you lose your girlfriend to drugs your kid gets
cancer you get cancer something you get this horrible disease how do you respond
to that that's what you can take ownership of and that's what you have to
take ownership of so I guess my point in saying that is yes there are absolutely
things that you cannot control and what you can control is your reaction to them
when they unfold that makes sense what scares me about this guy is he's saying
he's owned up to his part but that means he's blaming someone else and I can the
amount of things that we have zero control over is very small mm-hmm so
many things if we look at ourselves and say what could I do better what could I
do different how can I make an adjustment here how can I a
- the way this boss is how can I adapt to the way this girl is that I'm trying
to have a relationship and by the way that might not be the best relationship
maybe that's part of what you need to do is take ownership of the fact that
you're addicted to this that's what he's saying this guy here saying he's so
social on some assume he's got some problems with his female friends right
or friends in general mm-hm hey you didn't want to want to come
watch UFC not really I'm buying guys that's okay we're gonna go to you know
some home is they're watching it by myself I can't believe that you know
what's wrong with everyone else no actually what's wrong with me mmm-hmm
now truth be told I don't want to watch UFC with anybody else generally I want
to sit alone and watch the fights no commentary no questions don't ask me a
question sure what was that move no I'm watching the fight that's everyone just
be quiet a lot of times some of us we like to demonstrate our professional
knowledge of the subject you know so answer here you need to look at that the
reason that you're probably stuck in this loop continually is because the
things that you're blaming on other people take ownership of them and get
them fixed take ownership of them and get them fixed take ownership and make
some moves take ownership and look what you can do different that's what you
have to do