You've heard of March Madness.
But get ready for Munch Madness.
Let's talk about that.
( music playing )
Good Mythical Morning!
It is a very special day, Mythical beasts,
because we are debuting a new version
of the Drake track, "God's Plan,"
that was written entirely by a predictive text bot,
and then we're gonna eat so much fried food
that we'll be peeing oil for a week.
Oh, that sounds fun. But first,
every March, 68 college basketball teams compete
to crown one national champion,
but why March Madness gotta be only about basketball?
Why can't we go March mad for even more?
The truth is we can and we are.
This week we are going mad over snacks.
Welcome to day one of a brand-new tournament
the likes of which the internet has never seen.
Spanning five episodes of "Good Mythical Morning,"
only one snack will remain standing
and that snack will be crowned the greatest snack food ever.
It's time for...
Behold our gratuitously large, physically imposing snack-it bracket!
Mm-hmm. It's big.
As you can see, each of the four quadrants, or regions,
represents a category of snack.
We've got Meaty & Cheesy.
We've got Sweet, we have Salty,
and we have Chips, because Chips,
while they are salty, have their own category
- because there's just so many chips. - There's a lot of chips.
Now you can see, we're starting with not 64, but 32 contestants.
Well, we already narrowed it down from 64 with your help.
We did that by compiling a list
of the top 16 snacks in each category
based on sale stats, online sentiment, and Mythical crew surveys,
- then 10,000 of you voted... - Whoo!
for your top three favorites within each category,
and that brought us to the top eight snacks per category.
Today we're gonna be moving
through the Meaty & Cheesy region.
Let's Meat & Cheese our top eight seeds.
We've got Cheetos, Flamin' Hot Cheetos,
Cheese Heads String Cheese, Goldfish,
Cheez-It, Jack Link's Beef Jerky,
Totino's Pizza Rolls, and Slim Jims.
Let's get to our first matchup.
All right, we're starting with a top rank seed in this category.
With 3,351 votes,
Cheetos versus the lowest ranking seed
with 2,021 votes, Flamin' Hot Cheetos.
- We got a battle of the Cheetos right off the bat. - Whoa!
- This is heated, guys. - Is that a joke?
They're always jokes with me, Rhett.
Always intentional.
Are they gonna be friends off the field after this?
- I think we-- - The pressure's on!
I think we should start with this one,
because once you eat Flamin' Hot Cheetos
it may influence the taste of a regular Cheeto.
And I love the smallest Cheetos.
I like the ones that look like a finger
- that got in, like, a meat grinder. - Yeah.
That's appetizing.
It's good. There's nothing wrong with it at all.
It's got a lot of crunch.
The crunching sound has been clinically proven
to be associated with freshness convincing you
that what you're eating is more appetizing than it really is.
That's according to Oxford's study.
- OxfordStudy.com. - You know, OxfordStudy.com.
You can tell we consult Oxford studies all the time
because that's the way we refer to them.
Again, it's like it brings back just years of memories
of good times and snacking.
Now, I'm a spicy fan.
I'm kinda surprised that these were in last place,
but spicy is not for everybody and I feel like we gotta kinda--
adopt an every man, every person.
mentality here in this.
- There's a lot on the line. - I mean,
it's easy to narrow it down, everything's the exact same except for the spiciness
So, I think you make a good point.
- You know what? - Only one of these can move on.
The taste--
I gotta be honest with you.
- The taste, the cheesiness, - Right.
that is so well expressed in a singular Cheeto.
And this is really just for kicks.
This is like a long-term relationship
and this is like a fl--
Little fling.
- A fling. - You see where this is going?
We are in agreement that the classic Cheeto--
The votes reflect our decision.
Yeah, Cheetos move on.
And we have referee Alex to place the winner
in the correct place in the bracket.
Are you a bracketologist?
I'm a bracketologist, referee,
bracket boy, whatever you wanna go.
- Bracket boy, let's go with that. - Bracket boy.
- I shouldn't have said-- - You said it, buddy.
- Really wish I wouldn't have said that. - All right, bracket boy,
put those regular Cheetos up there. Can you reach up there?
- It's gonna be-- - Link: Oh, yeah!
- Link: Slam dunk! - Rhett: Impressive!
Two points.
Now to our two middle seeds.
Only 33 votes separated these two.
Cheddar Goldfish and String Cheese.
- Man-- - String Cheese--
This is like the kid's snack.
- My kids-- - This is like my childhood.
- Love both of these things. - In front of me. Of course,
you gotta be an adult to open it.
But this is part of the fun, you know?
- I think that kid fingers are better at this. - Oh, goodness.
- Okay. - Can I just have some of yours?
It's pure unadulterated cheese--
I can't get mine open.
- Really? Here, take this one. - Oh, thanks!
And then let me see if I can get it.
Your hands are so sweaty, man.
Now, there's two ways to eat String Cheese.
There's the way that everyone else eats it
and there's the way that I eat it.
- I just go like this. - Really?
The second half is for stripping.
The satisfying sensation
of pulling the String Cheese apart--
and I'm not even doing it in like a meticulous way right now
but you can get as meticulous as you want,
make little flossy strings.
I used to think it was a cheese plant that grew.
That was the only way to explain
the way you could just tear the stalk apart like this.
Like it was a plant.
Yeah, if hearts of palm actually tasted like this
I would love it.
I'm about to eat this whole thing
I need to stop myself.
But then going over here--
I mean, this is a ubiquitous snack.
These are so solid.
And it's shaped like a fish.
So it can swim into your mouth, you can play lots of games.
Play lots of games?
You know. "Oh look, it's a fish!
It's swimming into my mouth. Whoop!"
- I mean, you could play a lot-- - Could be like a whale. Whoop!
You can play a lot of games with this, too.
It's so special. It's so unique.
It's cheese that you can rip apart.
That I thought was a plant. I mean, there's so many--
It's got so many things going for it.
But this is so snackable.
You can eat one at a time,
- you can eat 20 at a time. - I can eat 20 of these.
Ultimately, I personally don't like these.
All of that to say that?
- Yeah. - Okay, so you agree with me.
I know a lot of people do but I love String Cheese.
String Cheese is moving on!
Next up is seed three with 2814 votes.
Cheez-Its versus seed six, with 2201 votes,
Jack Link's Original Beef Jerky.
Now fun fact, there are about 405 Cheez-Its
in a one pound box.
Did you count?
- No, I just made it up. No, it's true. - Oh.
I know fun facts, Rhett.
Oxford Study.
Man, it really has a real cheesy taste.
Which I'm partial to.
Can you see that my face has an underwhelming visage?
It's not as good as a Cheeto.
I will say that...
- It's not going up against a Cheeto. - but it's not versus a Cheeto.
It's going up against a Jack Link's.
Now look at these hearty, aggressively sheared
strips of meat.
- And that's a good thing? - Very good thing.
Do you like it because it's got your name in it, though?
Ooh, subconsciously?
- Jack? Yeah. - Yeah.
Yeah.
This is close, man.
I don't love it. It's a cheesy cracker.
Anything presented against a cracker
I'm always gonna chose the other thing.
I think I just love everything.
- That's my problem. - But this right here,
it's got a great taste, it's got a great texture.
Yeah, it is so meaty, fibrous.
You feel like you're doing something for yourself.
And you're getting your protein.
Probably killing yourself.
So we're in agreement again.
- Jack Link's. - Great!
Coming in at our two seed with 3133 votes,
Totino's Pizza Rolls
versus our seventh seed with 2112 votes,
Slim Jims.
- Hey, this is fun, by the way. - Yeah!
I'm having a good time.
And we heard groans after our Cheeto verdict
because not only are you guys playing along,
and if you could download the brackets
and go ahead and fill that in and keep score for yourself,
but the Mythical crew has a little incentive.
Yeah, a lot of you guys picked the Flamin' Hot in the first round, huh?
Oh.
Hot! Hot!
Is it hot? Ooh, it is hot!
You want it to be too hot than too cold that's right.
Mmm.
- This is good, man. - Oh, yeah.
It's a solid whole food.
Very snackable size.
I mean, you just pop it in there
as long as it doesn't burn everything inside of ya.
Look at these-- Look at these cute Slim Jims.
Mm-hmm.
This reminds me of my father-in-law.
He keeps these
- on his person at all times. - The little dingys?
It's like whenever we go somewhere and pay for something
like Slim Jims are falling out of his pockets.
The big ones or the little ones?
The little ones. These.
I ate so many of these as a child.
It's got a classic pop to it,
which is a reward in and of itself.
I felt I was sure that Totino's was gonna take this round
because it's just got more to it
and it's cooked. You know what I'm saying?
- Yeah. - Like not that these aren't cooked.
- It's an entire match to a dish. - This is just something
take out of-- A piece of meat
you take out of plastic just doesn't seem
naturally appetizing, but the flavor's so good.
Yeah, the flavor is unlike any other,
which is why we put it in a churro.
But, again, I just go back
to the fact that you took a pizza,
- you took everything great about it... - Yeah, it's genius.
you rolled it up into a little bite.
- Yeah. - And then you just... Shoop!
- Pop it in your mouth. - Yeah.
And you really don't wanna talk about the process that lead to a Slim Jim.
- No, you don't. - You know what I'm saying?
- Okay. - It is hot, though.
- Totino's it is! - Mm-hmm.
All right, we've got our two first round advancers.
Cheetos, number one seed,
versus String Cheese.
- The underdog! - Yeah!
- All right, you know-- - The bracket buster!
Never gonna give up an opportunity
to eat another Cheeto.
But this is so hard to open.
- Yeah. - That is a negative.
And also this has to be refrigerated.
- Ooh! - But it is real cheese.
- Which is pretty awesome. - Yeah!
And everything else that we said about it.
I don't know. There's no way.
It's not much of a snack, though.
- I mean-- - Compared to Cheetos.
There's no way this beats Cheetos!
It can't beat Cheetos. I've already eaten three of them.
Yep. And I'm just--
I barely looked at the String Cheese.
Of course if you leave that string cheese out
for a really long time on the windowsill,
it probably turns into a Cheeto.
Don't get me wrong, String Cheese,
I love you as do all my children, but--
It's America's favorite, Link.
That's what it says on there.
Alex, move on the Cheetos.
Great choice.
So the Totino's two seed against the Jack Link's sixth seed.
- Mmm. - The underdog.
Now again, it's such a delectable
packaging of so many flavors at once,
vs. a refined, meaty, singular experience.
- All right. - I just love these Totino's.
It's a-- It's a dinner experience
- snackified. - But you have to prepare it.
You gotta have an oven, right? Can you put those in--
You can throw them in a microwave, can't you?
Or it's gotta be-- You can throw it in a microwave?
But still-- you don't have to think.
All you have to think is, "I'm hungry!"
- Mm-hmm. - And next thing you know you're eating.
You think, "I'm hungry! Oh, I gotta go in the freezer.
I gotta open it up."
And maybe you got a freezer that's on the ground.
- But there is a reward... - You gotta bend over.
- for that-- - Now you gotta reach
all the way up to your microwave.
You gotta find the numbers.
Yeah, but then when you eat it,
- That's quite a process. - it's-- it's warm.
It's hot, it could burn you.
There's a level of danger, that's excitement.
I'm strongly in favor of Jack Link's.
Not just because it's Link and Jack.
but because it's got a great taste,
it's a real food and it's easy to snack on.
I'm strongly in flavor of the Tortino's.
- Did you say flavor on purpose? - Absolutely.
Because all of the flavors contained therein
justify the added effort.
- Okay, we've come-- - We're at a stalemate.
We've come to an impasse.
We're gonna have to bring in a tiebreaker.
Announcer:
-
Harley Morenstein.
- What an entrance! - I don't know, I just let it flow.
- All right. - What do we got here, a tiebreaker round?
- Yeah. - We need your help.
Oh, he's coming in sniffin' hard.
- Shh! I know how it works. - Okay.
All right, okay.
Step back, please. Step back.
So serious.
Not a fan of that. Don't like the way that jerky tastes.
This is warm. It's delicious in my mouth.
Totino's with the win. Hands down.
- There you go. - Thank you, Harley!
- Thanks, man. - You have it. There, Alex.
Link: Totino's moves on.
All right, our finalists are not unexpected,
are one and two seed.
Comes down to this, Rhett.
Kinda predictable in some ways.
It's a big deal.
Here's the piece that Harley ate off of.
I mean, I don't even really need to taste these again.
I know what I think should make it
because I've already made my argument
against the pizza rolls.
You don't need anything but a hand and a mouth.
You could just be a hand and a mouth
and nothing else and be happy.
You wouldn't know you're happy
if you're just a hand and a mouth, though.
Well, the genius of a Totino's pizza roll
is that it snackified a meal,
but the genius of a Cheeto is that
it's one of the most inventive purest snacks there is.
- I mean, it's just like-- - Do you even know what it is?
It was nothing else before it was this!
They created a shape that is all its own.
It embodies cheese and crispiness
in a way that nobody else can.
And it inspires antiproductivity everywhere.
- That's right. - So we are in agreement.
You have shifted me from the pizza roll to the Cheeto.
All right, regular Cheetos wins the Meaty & Cheesy region.
It looks good perched up over there on the Final Four,
and of course tomorrow we're gonna tackle the salty region.
So, watch for the winner there.
Thanks to Harley for lending us your taste buds
and being our guest judge today.
You can check out Harley on his YouTube channel Epic Meal Time
and Famous Food Truck on the free app Genius Kitchen.
And we're gonna be hanging out with Harley a little bit later.
- He's joining us to eat a whole bunch of fried food. - Yes.
Stick around to see our predictive text version
of Drake's song "God's Plan."
All that meat and cheese makin' ya think of tacos?
Get our "Will It Taco" shirt at mythical.store.