Let's do a little review of the reviewers, right?
Dig through Apple podcast to see what people have said
about the podcast and you guys can respond.
Does that sound good?
Yes. We must let the people's voices be heard.
Play away.
This is from Goldblum Noises,
which I'm assuming is referring to this podcast.
Remember when Jeff Goldblum was on you and he
both made a bunch of sexual jazz noises?
I remember it every night. (laughing)
So then the rest of this is unrelated,
but five stars.
The title is 11 HOURS, in all caps, ONE DAY
and it goes like this.
I was just informed by Spotify
in my 2020 Roundup that I listened
to 11 episodes of Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend in one day.
If that sounds sad,
everyone should also know on my Hinge dating profile,
my answer to the prompt, "I am weirdly attracted to blank"
is Conan O'Brien. In all seriousness,
this podcast was my constant companion this year
especially when I was going through a tough breakup.
I love the whole group's dynamic
and cannot wait until the day someone on Hinge
messages me saying they love Conan as much as me.
Thanks guys.
[Conan] What a lovely thing to hear from who is this?
Did this person give their name or no?
Yeah. Goldblum Noises.
Okay. All right.
Then that's all I have. (laughing)
Well, Goldblum Noises, that is so nice.
Wow. 11 episodes.
I wonder what the side effects
of listening to 11 hours of this is for,
for someone. I wonder if he, you know,
had any kind of bodily- Or she.
Oh, well yeah, that's true. That's true.
I'm going to say it doesn't matter.
I don't, unlike you, Sona.
who's very sexist
and all obsessed with gender identities,
I don't care!
I am very gender fluid
and I don't care.
It's not important to me. [Sona] Okay.
They said "weirdly attracted to Conan O'Brien."
Now, this gets complicated.
You find that little needle in the haystack.
Well why? [Matt] That was
all compliment!
I say the same thing!
I know! I always find the tiny little piece of glass
in the snow cone.
It's weirdly attracted to Conan O'Brien.
I listen to these now the same way you listen to them.
Like, what is it he's going to hear
that's going to upset him
and I thought it was when the person said
"I'm waiting for someone to tell me
that they also get the Conan O'Brien thing."
Oh no! Thanks a lot! I hadn't thought of it.
I hadn't latched onto that. But now yes.
Now it's clear to me There's that one, too.
that Goldblum Noises
put it out there that I like Conan
and has been waiting and waiting and waiting
for someone to say me too, and has heard nothing.
Goldblum Noises dropped a penny into the
"I find Conan Attractive" well
and heard no splash. (laughing)
No splash.
Oh man. Wow.
There's probably a lot more riding
on that Hinge profile, you know?
It's not just the Conan line.
No Goldblum Noises sounds like an incredible person.
Regardless of gender,
I'm going to say Goldblum Noises sounds like a top notch
human being and I am just going to focus on the fact
that because Goldblum Noises was kind enough to mention me
as someone that they found attractive,
either physically or a personality,
that I'm responsible for no one responding.
No!
Yes. That's what I'm going to.
Going to this. We're talking about a person
who's listened to, with ads, over 12 hours
of this podcast in a day. So...
What does that do to someone?
I wonder if, if you put this person Goldblum Noises,
through an MRI, would it show up somewhere?
Would the doctor say, "Oh my God!
Have you been drinking liquid lead?"
No. What are you talking about?
What were you doing?
And then the doctor has said, "Wait a minute!
You haven't been listening to 11 straight hours
of Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend, have you?"
And the guy, or girl, says,
"Uh, yeah."
And then the doctor goes, "Are you Goldblum Noises?"
(laughing)
(Conan sputtering) Oh yeah.
What is that?
That's Jeff Goldblum.
You know, he does little
Mm mm, oh, oh, I gotta, oh, I'm just curious.
Mm mm Conan.
Oh, I thought we were still in the doctor's office.
I did too.
Did he come into the doctor's office?
Yeah. Goldblum's hiding.
Whenever you're having a very personal exam
in a doctor's office,
Jeff Goldblum is always in the closet.
I'm just telling you. (laughing)
Anyone listening right now,
If you've ever had to take your clothes off
at a doctor's office and have a very personal exam
and then you hear from behind a wall.
Oh, oh. Mm mm. Oh, oh, mm. Yes.
That's Jeff Goldblum.
Knowing he was there would somehow make me feel better.
[Conan] Me, too. I can't explain.
Yeah. And me too.
I would feel reassured.
He's a very nice guy
and if anyone had to be hiding in the closet
making weird semi erotic noises,
I'd prefer it to be Jeff Goldblum.
Anyway, Goldblum Noises,
Thank you for that very nice review
and very kind of you.
Feel free to take me off of your profile.
If it's harming you... What?
If it's harming your life in any way,
I don't want to be responsible.
You know what I mean? [Sona] Oh!
You could put someone else down as a big influence.
She didn't say you were an influence.
Oh.
Or he.
[Conan] Why are you doing this?
They just said they were weirdly attracted.
I just want to correct them.
Okay. So not an influence.
And hey, first of all,
if someone's listening to me for 11 hours straight,
I've influenced them.
Second of all, why do you keep interrupting
and saying these things
that just make me feel like shit?
You know what? You're right.
I don't know why I'm doing that.
I really am piling on and I shouldn't do that
and you're right and I'm sorry.
But yeah, she didn't say, or he didn't say,
influenced. (Conan laughing)
They said they were weirdly attracted to you.
You went and did it again!
You just apologized for doing it and then did it again.
Listen. Sona. You're just distorting
the story. I hear things
the way I want to hear them
to create a better world for myself.
It's like people that only listen, watch Fox News
because they want to have that world reflected back at them
and they don't look at anything else.
I have certain thoughts.
And so what I do when I hear these critiques
of the show is I make up what it really meant.
And then when you say that's not what they said,
what they said was no one,
they put your name in there and no one's bitin'.
(Sona laughing)
Thanks, Sona.
[Sona] You're right.
You're right. And I'm sorry.