I've been issued an invitation to the ball.
See how they look at you?
Give me a kiss instantly or I shall take grave offence!
I am no-one, what could the interest be?
You are no-one while everybody is someone.
Louis XIV demands a heaven on Earth, but just who is going to provide it?
Hey presto! Up sprouts landscaper Matthias Schoenaerts and his headstrong assistant
Kate Winslet. She's stardust, she's golden and she's got to get herself back to the garden.
You're inviting new ideas into the gardens? Why?
Welcome to Versailles.
Patience, and a little warmth from the Sun are our best hope.
Henry, you confounded me with Child 44 so I'm now guessing that this one was right up your herbaceous border.
I quite like... no, it's poppycock. There's so much in this film about the vision of Louis XIV and "will
it come in on time, this project? Will there be enough money? Will there be enough time
for everything?" and I kind of think "Alan Rickman, take a look at yourself mate". This
is talking about the film in so many different ways. It just feels silly and histrionic and
campy without being particularly funny, and cheap in a strange way. There's this amazing
shot of Versailles at the end which is done with computer generated imaging. It's CGI
Versailles which really just looks flat and dull and cheap and particularly what that
garden wasn't. Also, paradoxically, very tidy and well ordered for a film called A Little
Bit of Chaos. Exactly, what chaos? There's no chaos. Short of calling it, I don't know,
Cop Warriors from Mars I can't think of a more misleading title. I think the idea is
that Kate Winslet's character, she's supposed to the free-spirit and he's supposed to be...
that is to say Matthias Schoenaerts, another terrible role for him, I'm sorry to say. Yeah,
he looks like a kind of droopy cocker spaniel. He just looks terrible, especially when he
has to sing like an eight year old in that kind of high-pitched voice, I didn't
know where to look, certainly not at the screen. She's supposed to be providing this wonderful
free-thinking, life-affirming chaos. No she doesn't! She's just as stilted and orderly
and ideologically reactionary as everybody else! It's just ridiculous. I found myself
thinking about Sense and Sensibility, almost 20 years old now, she had so much life and
vivacity and interest and humour and fun. Crucially, she was very well directed by Ang
Lee and it makes you appreciate what a shrewd and interesting man he is. This seemed to
be absolutely dead weight. When Alan Rickman came on in cameo, there was a little touch
of humour, I thought. It almost, but, I'm sorry to say, not quite, brought the film
to life. If only it was somehow about him, and his eccentricities. Stanley Tucci came
on and he got a few laughs. He's quite funny and sent the whole thing up a little bit,
but then you're just plunged right back into this bafflingly dull, boring, boring world.
I just couldn't see what was supposed to be so interesting about it. And that thing where
she moves his potted plant at the beginning... When a film just pivots on the drama of the
moving of a potted plant, you've got a problem. You moved one of my pots. I did. I mean, who
is the audience for this film? Who is the audience? I guess it's someone who likes a
period drama or perhaps someone who's into Julian Fellows-esque stuff but badly written
rather than well done. We're kind of three for three on actors having a director's vision
that just seems massively ego clouded. We were talking about Goswell, we were talking
about The Water Diviner the week before that, and now this. I sort of disagree about Alan
Rickman coming on and bringing it to life, I feel like he'd almost deliberately kept
the ground barren until he could then plant his little ego seed and let the Louis XIV
character flourish halfway through and suddenly, thank God, we got something to enjoy and something
that is going to be a bit more baroque and interesting. Without that, it just feels bare.
If you wish to be alone, I could come back. No no no. I find that you're the very company
I need today. Nothing would suit me better than for me, the King's gardener, to take
some advice on perennials.