Things every guy should know:
1. Don't be afraid of being sensitive and vulnerable.
I know our society makes it seem like that's a huge weakness and you
have to be this macho puff daddy
but, you're also a human being.
Plus, anyone who makes fun of you for being those things
is just insecure about their own masculinity.
2. Don't be a "nice guy." Be a good guy.
I feel like a lot of the people who claim to be "nice guys"
aren't that nice.
Cause if you're really nice, do you you have to constantly say,
"Well I'm a nice guy! But I'm a nice guy! I deserve this!"
Just strive to be a good guy. Because nice guys finish last.
And the good guys go first.
3. If you want something more than friendship, and she doesn't,
don't be friends.
A lot of guys talk about "the friendzone" but guess what,
"The friendzone" is when two people are friends.
That's all it is.
Don't be one of those guys who pretends that you're someone's friend just
because you want to wait around for the off-chance that you can fuck her.
Because not only is that super fucking disrespectful to you,
but it's also like..
you deserve someone who wouldn't
be afraid to ask you out.
Or someone who's like, "Oh, I'm all about you, boo.
Let's do this."
Respect yourself, bro.
4. Don't be afraid to feel.
I have 2 guy friends who are best friends. They're super fucking besties.
And I think it's the cutest thing ever
when they hug each other, and like
one will kiss the other on the forehead,
or they'll like, kiss each other on the cheeks,
or they'll just genuinely tell each other that they love each other,
and it's kinda sad that we don't have that more often,
and that men are like, kind of..
If you like, love your bro so hard,
you want to give them a fucking kiss on the forehead,
give them a fucking kiss on the forehead.
Now, if your best guy friend doesn't
want these things from you, maybe you should not,
but I mean, you should at least TRY to kiss them on the forehead.
He might like it.
Before I thank today's sponsor,
I want to say thank you to everyone
who bought a short film poster.
I really, truely appreciate you spending your money on
a piece of paper that has my face on it.
I'm not gonna lie, that's really fucking cool.
In different homes across the globe..
I am staring at you, 24/7.
(softly) Watching you undress..
Watching you do your homework..
Watching you do everything.
Watching you masturbate, (screeches)
I wish I can close my eyes, but I can't
because I'm a poster!
Alright, so I haven't done a sponsor
in a while, so today I'm gonna do Audible
Everyone says that-that-that my voices suck,
except the Japanese one,
They're like "Ugh, just always do the Japanese
one, cause it's the ONLY one you're good at."
I disagree,
but I do think the Japanese one is obviously
like, much more marketable, for some reasons,
so I'll just do the Japanese voice okay?
(high pitched, Japanese accent) Thank you to Audible.com
for sponsoring today's episode!
You! can go to audible.com/anna
for a FREE audible book of your choi-su!
They have over 150,000 titles to choose from (screams)
Currently, I am listening to Gone Girl
because all of my friends see it in the theater,
they say it's so good. I'm like, "I don't see it yet."
and they're like, "Oh, it's so good, maybe you should read the book first because you like the book
more than the movie."
So now I'm listening to the boo-ku.
You can get that, or another free audiobook of your choice
at audible.com/anna.
That's (softly) audible.com/anna.
(normally) Miss Earth comes out October 16th, 2014.
I hope you like it. Really excited.
Stay awesome, Gotham.
Subtitles by Skylar Coland via Amara