I'm Charlie
This is Chris
We make a TV show together
This is The Weekly
At the end of our second season
Chris had some good news
Just finished the budget - we've got a hundred dollar underage
Is that the good one or the bad one?
Instead of just giving me the money, Chris had a bright idea.
I've asked everyone around the office What could we get Charlie to do to win his $100
I thought it was a great idea
This is a terrible idea
What do you reckon? No.
You asked everyone out there about this?
Cal, Scott, Gerry Gerry's an idiot.
And the suggestions were great
Groom a poodle,
Terrible idea. So I have to do whatever I pull out of that box
And Chris gets to film it.
100 Bucks 100 Bucks
Alright. This is Suggestion Box
Buy a suit from China in Chinese
And wear it on TV
One week to make the order
Orders must be verbal
Realistically, I don't think I can learn fluent chinese in a week
Do you have any Chinese mates?
Not really, I don't
Do you have any Chinese mates?
Yeah. Tom Wu
You haven't seen him since high school
Wu-ey? Yeah, Wu-ey.
Everyone knows a Chinese guy from highschool
That doesn't mean I'm friends with him. Do you?
Yeah, Xavier Yu
I do know one person
who speaks mandarin
[Speaks Mandarin]
He loves it.
How are you, my friend? Very well.
How are you Kevin? I'm alive.
How long did it take you to learn Mandarin
The truth of it is I spent about five years.
I've got a week.
to learn enough
to order a suit
Do you think I can become fluent in a week?
No but we can..
bodgey it up
to the extent that you might get through
I want to go to the movies
[speaks mandarin]
I want to go..
Electric shadows Right.
Electric shadows is movies
Yow. Yow.
Lock yourself in a language laboratory
For three months
Pretend you're back in kindergarten
Or
Labor party caucus, whatever comes to mind
Then what you do
Just get those things right.
You've got to push your mouth in different directions
[Charlie practises Mandarin]
Ni hao
How's Ruddy's workshop going?
Not well.
[Speaks Mandarin]
That's nice to meet you
Bye
[Speaks mandarin]
I think I'm going to need a script
I think I need to have a prepared thing
A prepared script that gets translated
And I read that out over the phone
And it has to be foolproof
That whoever I read it to
Will know what I'm trying to do
Write script, translate
Are you going to use pinyin or the characters
You don't know what pinyin is
I think it's like the English version of the characters
I think I'm gonna need that
Ni Hao is like N-I H-A-O
Then that is 100% what I'm going to have to use
It's the only way, really, isn't it?
Alright, so I've got the script
Let's hear it. Hello.
I am honoured to make your acquaintance
I am calling from
Melbourne Australia
I do not speak Mandarin
but for reasons I would rather not go into
I have to make this order
in Mandarin
Can you assist me?
Why are you saying "I'm honoured"?
I was just trying to show respect
My measurements are 38 regular, 30 inch waist
31 inch leg
I would like design number whatever
From your website in navy pinstripe fabric
You're going pinstripe?
I dont have a pinstripe suit
I just thought, if i'm going to get one
Might as well That's right
When will that arrive?
Thank you for not thinking i'm a complete weirdo
Is that what you're going to end with?
Thank you, kind sir.
It's going to be terribly insulting if it's a woman.
Where do you think it will fall down? At ni hao
I've also drafted a letter to Karl and Lisa
Hello Karl and Lisa
I'm honoured to make your acquaintance
You know how I thought it would be hard?
It's worse.
What about Ruddy? He gave me a lot of his time.
I spent like an hour on Skype with Ruddy
And he gave me some phrases
And some coaching
They are not working on the phone.
I don't know if I have time to become good enough at Chinese
I don't have time to do proper classes
What about Yu-ey
I haven't spoken to him for 20 years
You're due.
Yeah but - I don't want to call Yuey
Xavier Yu Charlie Pickering
Can you teach me Mandarin?
I don't know any Mandarin
Do you know any other Chinese people? Nah.
I know no other Chinese people
On my bucks night
At a karaoke bar
Karaoke is Japanese
I know it's Japanese but the people I met were definitely Chinese
How does that help you?
I don't remember a lot
But I know I took a bunch of selfies
And I know the date
So if they tagged me on Facebook
I could maybe find them.
And get them to help me out
It's going to be pretty weird.
Hey Hey
Did you get my text?
Just looking now
They're photos from my bucks night
Big day?
It was.
That's the Chinese dude from the karaoke bar
I found them on facebook
Who has written a translation of the script
And recorded an audio translation
to help me make the phone call
[Speaks Mandarin]
Shit
[Speaks Mandarin]
Now it's engaged
I reckon they were ringing friends to talk about what just happened.
Ni Hao
How's it going?
I'm on the phone
Are you using your pinying?
I don't know if you can call it that
Im using a collection of sounds
That apparently
Arent Chinese
It's possible that their Chinese isn't as good as mine.
I'm operating on that assumption
Maybe I'm speaking some kind of classical Chinese
They're more regional.
Go, I've got to try and get this done
Charlie Pickering
Me.
Ni hao
[Speaks Mandarin]
[Continues to speak Mandarin]
Yes!
Hi
What
I did it
I did it.
Ordered the suit, in Chinese, from China
It's gonna be here in four weeks.
I did it.
You've still got to wear it on TV
And you can't wear it on the show
Yeah, I know that.
I've figured it out.
Seeya
Welcome to the 59th TV Week Logie Awards
You've got a front row seat as the biggest stars
Look at him.
That guy, Charlie Pickering
was in the nattiest suit you've ever seen
As he walked past you, the suit was so shiny
So, I'm almost 100% certain
that Richard Wilkins is going to put this to air
We shook on it
We caught up with some of the stars on the red carpet
To get some tips on how to get Red Carpet ready
Don't wear a suit to win a bet
That's pretty much what this is
Ladies and Gentlemen I would like to introduce
Chris Walker
Hi Chris Hi mate.
Take a seat
I believe there's something you'd like to say
Congratulations, Charlie.
We'll get you next season. Here's your $100
Thank you very much. Chris Walker.