- All right, release the porn.
(electricity sizzles and pops)
- [Woman] Ah, oh my God, what's happening?
- Let's go, Joe, let's go, Joe.
(dramatic music)
(siren blares)
Here in Washoe County,
we're losing about 17% of our mailboxes a year
due to kids driving around with baseball bats.
Hard to catch these bastards,
so what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna rig every mailbox
on this block with a paint bomb, kind used in banks.
Uh, these things are very sensitive,
precision, French made - (bleep)
(bomb explodes)
(horn honks)
(siren blares)
We were in the middle of a training exercise this morning
and Sonny here ate about two and a half pounds of C4,
plastic explosive.
This dog moves too suddenly,
he's gonna go up like Nagasaki.
So hopefully pretty soon the C4
will mix with the Manwiches,
I've been feeding with 'em all morning,
and nature will run its course,
and I will be able to retrieve -
You can do it.
Geez (bleep).
- Hi my big girl! - Hi, yeah.
- Hi, my favorite! - Hi.
- I'm gonna get this belly,
I'm gonna get this belly-belly-belly,
I gonna get your belly-belly-belly.
- Yeah, you got his - - Hello, little -
Belly-belly-belly all right. - Belly-belly-belly.
- He gets the (bleep) point!
You got his belly-belly-belly,
now back the (bleep) off!
- Hi! - No.
- Hi! - No, no, no.
- He's my friend. - No, no, no, no -
- He's my friend. - No, no, no, no,
you're, no, no, no! - He's my friend!
- That's a little
too friendly! - He's my -
I see you later!
- Please don't hump the nice officer.
Here, c'mon, hey, hey, hey, hey,
how about right here?
Hey, how about right here, yeah.
Mission accomplished!
Ew!
You know, that's 90% of law enforcement
is just perseverance, stick to the task.
- Hi, Travis. - Right, Sonny?
Hey, how you doing? - Hi.
(explosives explode)
(siren blares)
- I got another call about these (bleep) damn kids
blowing up cats.
Son of a bitch. - Kids today, kids today.
They play the
Grand Theft Auto - - Kids today.
- Do Whip It -
- [Travis] And then (bleep) each other off on the YouTube.
Fireworks, illegal!
Open intoxication, illegal!
Open container, illegal. - Oh, oh, oh.
- Oh, man! - What do we got?
What do we got here, huh?
- Oh, the poor little guy.
Blowing up the sweetest little creature on -
- [Blond Officer] What are we doing with these,
huh, huh, huh? - Ow, ow, ow.
- Travis, Travis, Travis, Travis,
Travis, Travis, Travis,
already lit, it's already lit!
It's already lit!
(Travis exclaims)
Water, water, Travis, Travis, Travis!
(water bubbles)
- Hoo!
(cat explodes) (water sloshes)
(Travis exhales)
Don't make us come out here again.
(siren blares)
You know, it is estimated that
the American workforce has lost 80 to 87%
of its productivity after the invention of the internet.
Thank you, Al Gore.
They ain't exactly Googling recipes either.
What they're doing is they're Googling porn.
We at the Reno sheriff's department
have a safe search embedded into each of our computers,
but you can get around that.
What you gotta do, is you got to break into the matrix.
Most computers intimidate people
'cause you think they're too complicated,
but they're no more complicated
than the human brain or a '72 Chevy combustion engine.
All right, release the porn.
(electricity sizzles and pops)
- [Woman] Ah, oh my God, what's happening?
- Let's go, Joe, let's go, Joe.
(siren blares)
- Yeah, man.
Yeah, I do feel good about this.
This is, this is great.
You know, the streets of Reno are a lot safer
because of what we did today,
'cause of what our accomplishment
of what we did in Reno,
we made the streets that much better for -
(fireworks explode)
This isn't funny, man!
You wanna go?
You wanna go, get me a lighter!
- Take this, take that,
there you go. - You, get me a lighter.
- There you go, oh. - Oh, you wanna go
with Jonesy, huh?
You wanna go a round with Jonesy?
Let's go!
Let's go, mother (bleep)!
Let's go, damn it! - Bottle rocket!
(fireworks explode) (officers exclaim)
(firework sizzles)
(fireworks explode)
(police laugh and cheer)
- Here you go, whoa!
(officers laugh and cheer)
- [Travis] Good time, oh, man, this is is good times.
(officers exclaim)
- [Officer] Truck, truck, truck!
- Oh, (bleep), I hit the truck,
I hit the truck! - Damn it!
- [Blond Officer] I hit the truck, go, go, go!
I hit it, I hit it, get down, get down!
- What'd you hit?
- [Blond Officer] I hit the truck with a bottle rocket.
- Holy cow. - Oh, please.
- [Male Officer] Holy cow.
(fireworks explode) (officers laugh and exclaim)
- [Male Officer] Oh, God, oh my God.
- [Female Officer] I didn't sign up for that.
- Oh, boy, Dagle, oh boy. - I'm out of here.
- I don't know you, never did. - Right on, man, right on.
- Oh, man.
- Wow.
- I think we can save it.
- [Blond Officer] No, I don't think so.
(siren blares)
- Reno, Dispatch, this is 14th David 21,
we are eastbound on Route 80
in hot pursuit of a white BMW,
Nevada plate MD4, it is,
I think that's a vanity plate, it's a vanity plate, MD4K.
MD's doctor - - MD, MD.
- Doctor, Doctor Fork, - MD Fork?
Doctor Fork! - Meaty fork, meaty fork?
- Doctor Fork. - Meaty fork.
- Doctor Fork, Doctor Fork - - Need a fork?
- Doctor Fork, Doctor Fork goes by K9, K9 -
- K9, K9! - Doctor Fork 9?
- Doctor's a dog, a dog!
Doctor for canines!
He's a vet, he's a vet!
Look out, look -
(car crashes)
(siren blares)
- [Voice On Radio] Hey it's good for 148 North
St. Abbey (indistinct).
(pages rustle)
- See you at the courthouse.
Hey, there's a camera right over there.
Gotta watch what you say about the Jews.
(head smacks sign) (body thumps)
(siren blares)
(hand thumps door)
- James Fishtree Washington,
we have a warrant for your arrest.
Come out with your hands up!
- [Man] Oh, what the (bleep) do you want?
- Come out with your hands up!
- I ain't coming out! - Open the door!
- We have a warrant for your
arrest! - You fuck off!
- Open the door! - Open the door!
- Travis, do it, do it, do it!
- I ain't coming out (bleep)! - Go, go!
- [Man] Huff and puff all you -
(ram crashes)
(voice mumbles over radio)
- Can we have our battering ram back, oh!
(body falls) - Oh, poop.
(siren blares)
- Check, check, check.
Operation Anna and the King is in effect.
Well, we got into town,
I sees Thai food delivery places.
What they do is they send over a little Thai girl.
- Yeah, it's a prostitution ring cover,
it's horrible, they have these little girls,
they don't know what country they're in
or the language or who their (bleep) -
- They raise 'em, they raise 'em like sex veal.
- Yeah.
Hello?
Yes, I'm at the, the Lazy Sierra Arms Motel
on, uh, Exit three.
- Room nine. - Room nine.
I'd like the daily special, extra spicy.
- Extra spicy.
- 45 minutes, I'll see if I can wait that long.
Thank you.
All right, trap is set.
- Trap is set, okay.
(Travis exhales)
- Killing Floor to Eagle's Lair, can you read me?
- Eagle's Lair, I copy you, Killing Floor.
(hand knocks on door)
(Travis sniffs and exhales)
- Hi, how are you?
Here's your food. - Hey, better now.
Thank you very much.
Well, I'm just in town for the, uh, hair convention
and I've got the room for the night,
thought maybe I'd get me a little Pacific (bleep) job.
Eat out a little Thai?
- [Delivery Worker] What are you talking about?
- Maybe take a little trip to Bangkok
and I ain't talking about the town,
talking about (bleep) going down.
(fist smacks)
(foot whacks)
Oh, okay!
(foot whacks)
Ow, my bad, I'm sorry.
(foot whacks)
- Should (bleep)?
He's getting (bleep).
I told him not to get (bleep).
(foot whacks)
(door slams)
- Ah, ow, charley horse.
(siren blares)
- Holy, Reno, we got an officer down,
I need a medical attention immediately.
(Travis groans) Junior, Junior!
- Kimball?
- Oh my God, oh my God.
- I been wearing this vest for seven years.
The bullet went right through it like butter.
You're gonna be just fine.
- No, I ain't. - Uh, so, look forward
to those EMTs ASAP sir.
- I'm real cold.
- Oh, all right - - Things are getting -
- Okay. - No, I'm okay.
- I'm just gonna rock you
like this, do you like that? - I'm okay.
- Yeah, that feels - - Does that make you
feel good? - That feels good.
- I think you should just keep talking.
- Yeah? - I don't,
I don't know you at all.
- You know, you're just a nice person
And to me it's, it's almost a shame
that you're, you know.
- What?
- Seems like you could be a pretty decent piece of ass
if you weren't a lesbian,
is all I'm saying,
not that I'm judging - - A, thank you.
A, thank you and - - Not that I'm -
- And B, I am not a lesbian.
Just because I have had thoughts, perhaps dreams,
does not mean that I have participated
in a sexual manner with another woman.
- Huh, well, I guess you ain't a race car driver
unless you get behind the wheel.
- That's a good way to look at it.
- And now I'd love,
if I'm gonna go into the next world -
- Mm-hm?
- To at least not think I'm 100% alone
and dying in a vacant lot
in Reno, Nevada. - You're not alone.
You're not alone, Junior,
you're not alone.
I'm here with you.
- Could I have the taste of a woman on my lips as I go?
(voices mumble over radio)
- Uh - - I'm dying, ma'am.
- You're not gonna die, you're, oh geez.
I, you're -
(lips smack) (both sigh)
You're gonna be okay.
- I think you're a lesbian.
- I'm not a lesbian.
- That's what I think.
- Uh, that was very enjoyable.
(upbeat music)