Hey everyone, and welcome to TopThink.
Today, we are going to learn about 10 signs you have the wrong friends.
Now, let’s begin.
Topic Manipulation Does your friend take an interest in you?
Do they ask you about your life?
Your preferences?
Your goals?
Or are they only interested in themselves?
Your friend may be self-absorbed.
Maybe they’re only interested in their own life.
So that’s the only thing you two talk about.
Try this next time you’re talking to your friend.
In the middle of a conversation, change the subject.
Pick a topic that has absolutely nothing to do with your friend.
Tell them about your job.
Bring up something interesting you read recently.
See how long it takes before they start talking about themselves.
If your friend is toxic, they’ll redirect the conversation immediately.
Stress Creation Does your friend relieve stress… or create
stress?
Toxic friends may be a huge source of stress in your life.
They’re constantly dragging you into their drama.
Their life seems like a never-ending stream of conflict.
One day, they’re gossiping about their coworkers.
The next day, they’re picking fights over small mistakes.
Your friendship may feel like a rollercoaster of emotions.
Every time you see them, you get more and more stressed out.
But friends should relieve each other’s stress.
Friends should make you feel comfortable.
These are the people you laugh and relax with.
If your friend stresses you out, they’re not a positive influence in your life.
You may walk on eggshells around them, because you’re scared of stirring up drama.
But that drama blows up one way or the other.
Don’t let stressful friends weigh you down any longer.
If your friends make you feel tense, it’s time to make a change.
Unwelcome Opinions Do your friends criticize your choice?
Friends don’t have to agree on everything.
You may enjoy hobbies your friends don’t appreciate.
You may believe in things your friends think are strange.
But that’s okay.
A good friend appreciates and supports your differences.
It’s not their job to teach, correct, or control you.
Let’s say you believe in ghosts.
But your friend doesn’t.
He thinks you’re crazy for believing in spirits.
You say, “let’s agree to disagree,” but he tries to change your mind.
He shows you research and evidence.
When that doesn’t work, he insults your intelligence.
Is he being a good friend?
Not at all.
You’re not asking for his opinion.
You aren’t looking for someone to change your mind.
It’s not his responsibility to change it for you.
Instead, he should support your individual opinions.
He doesn’t have to believe the same things.
But friends should respect each other’s choices.
Compromising Space Do your friends give you space?
Needy friendships are very challenging.
These friends are demanding and selfish.
They try to control everything you do.
In their minds, your time and space… belong to them.
Worst of all, they make you feel like the bad guy.
Let’s say your friend wants to hang out over the weekend.
But you say no.
You already made plans with someone else.
You tell this to your friend, but they get jealous and insecure.
They encourage you to cancel your plans, because they want full control over your life.
They want to be the center of your attention.
Good friends, on the other hand, give each other time and space.
And take the same time and space for themselves.
This creates a healthy balance in your friendship.
You may not see each other 24/7.
But that’s a good thing.
When you do see each other, you’ll feel happier and more excited.
Reciprocal Perception Think about your best friend.
In your mind, you two are extremely close.
But what if they don’t feel the same way about you?
What if your friendship… is one-sided?
This comes from a 2016 study in the journal PLOS One.
They discovered that most people misunderstand their friends.
In this study, participants gave the names of their closest friends.
94% of these participants thought their friendships were mutual.
But less than 53% actually were.
What does this tell us?
You may think your friendships are stronger than they are—especially if you’re watching
this video.
The truth is, of all the friends in your life, about 50% of them are mutual.
In other words, half of your friendships may be one-sided.
They’re meaningful for you, but meaningless for them.
So how do you find out which is which?
The only way to know for sure… is to ask.
Tell your friend that their friendship is important to you.
If they can’t say the same, your friendship isn’t as strong as you think.
Selfish Choices When you spend time with your friend, who
chooses what you do?
Let’s say you’re going to see a movie.
Who chooses the movie?
You or your friend?
If your friend is toxic, they’ll dominate every decision.
They’ll choose every activity.
You’ll eat only where they want to eat.
And they’ll never ask for your input.
Why?
Because this friend doesn’t care about you.
They think your friendship is all about them.
They rarely think about your wants, needs, and interests.
If this sounds familiar, ask yourself this: “when was the last time I chose where to
eat?”
“When was the last time we did something I like?”
Can you remember?
If not, you may have the wrong friends.
Inevitable Pressure Does your friend influence your behavior?
Whether you like it or not, they do.
Your friends influence the way you act.
The way you speak.
The habits you keep and the hobbies you enjoy.
In any form, peer pressure is a powerful force.
But it’s especially strong among close friends.
The closer your friendships are… the stronger that force becomes.
In a healthy friendship, peer pressure works in your favor.
Friends inspire each other to work harder, shoot higher, and improve themselves.
A good friend can open your eyes to new experiences and perspectives.
Peer pressure, in the hands of a good friend, pushes your life in a positive direction.
In the hands of a bad friend, it can be destructive.
Bad friends drag you down.
Tear apart your healthiest habits.
And shatter your self-esteem.
Their destructive behaviors become your destructive behaviors—even if you resist or ignore them.
In small, subtle ways, their bad decisions will infect your lifestyle.
The Crutch Friends support each other in times of need.
When your friend is weak, you can be strong for them.
But there’s a big difference between asking for help… and taking advantage.
Bad friends will use you like a crutch.
They’ll take advantage of your kindness.
They’ll ask for too many favors.
Or stop taking care of themselves.
Because they think you…will do it for them.
This is a very uncomfortable situation to be in.
You may feel some sense of responsibility toward your friend.
After all you’ve been through, you want to help them.
But you cannot control their health and happiness.
You cannot manage their life on top of your own.
This kind of pressure creates a great deal of stress in your life.
So don’t let your friends take advantage of you.
Don’t be their crutch.
If they want to get back on their feet, support them.
If they don’t, you may have to let them fall.
Downers Do you know someone who complains constantly?
Someone who’s negative about everything?
These are the wrong friends to spend your time with.
Over time, their constant negativity drags you down.
Every complaint chips away at your patience.
Every tirade wears down your motivation.
Slowly, your attitude will grow more pessimistic.
A negative person is like a sinking ship.
If you’re not careful, you will go down with them.
So create distance between you and the negative people in your life.
Don’t let their negativity pull you down.
There are a lot of terrible things in the world.
But complaining will never get you anywhere.
After getting rid of negative people, fill that space with people who lift you up.
People who always find a silver lining.
These individuals look at life with fresh eyes and an open mind.
As you strive toward any goal, their optimism will give you motivation… and a better attitude.
Taking Advantage Do your friends take advantage of your generosity?
They say they’ll pay you back.
They say they’ll get it next time… but they never do.
This sign is a major red flag.
These freeloading friends borrow money, but they never return it.
They ask for favors, but they never say thank you.
They take your hard-earned resources without thinking about you.
In their mind, it’s not about you.
It’s about them.
Unfortunately, many people let this behavior slide.
If you’re lending your friend money, you worry about cutting them off.
If they’re sleeping on your couch, you feel guilty for kicking them out.
Your friend may say, “We’re friends, aren’t we?”
But you shouldn’t feel guilty.
You don’t owe your friend anything, no matter how close you are.
You should never have to buy or earn their friendship.
If your friend thinks otherwise, they’re not really your friend.
A good friend doesn’t take advantage of you.
They don’t use you as their personal piggy bank.
Because they value the things you value.
They know that your resources are important, just like theirs.
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