Persuasion is a learnable skill,
the ability to communicate.
Same thing we develop this particular skill set.
So what is persuasion?
Persuasion is nothing more than the art of getting someone
to say yes to whatever you're asking for or offering.
Persuasion skill number one, mirroring.
Mirroring equals mimicking.
So when it comes to mirroring,
we're talking about you are mirroring,
so it's a body language if you're sitting face-to-face,
if you're meeting with a client,
meeting with a prospect that you wanna mirror
their facial expressions and body language.
Think of let me do it the wrong way first.
A lot of people sometimes they do it the wrong way.
So example if I'm trying to persuade Ed,
let's pretend he's a prospect,
right now look at the body language that he has.
Just looking at that, right, so his arms are like this,
I'm mirroring, right, so imagine he's like this,
and yet I'm like this.
That's a very different body language, right?
Or I'm like this.
That's a very different body language, right,
so if I'm talking with him like that,
now, what people are doing wrong is do something else, Ed.
(Stephen laughs)
That's just weird.
That is just weird. That's creepy, man.
That is just weird. (Stephen and Ed laugh)
That's doing mirroring wrong.
That's like you know when you were a little kid--
And you try to mimic people?
Yeah, you try to make fun of somebody,
and you're trying to annoy your sibling?
Don't laugh, I'm serious people do this.
Oh, mirroring, I get it, and then they just do it like,
that's not how we do it, okay?
It has to look very, very natural.
So imagine we kind of speed it up.
Do it slowly, do it slowly,
so imagine I'm just talking with Ed, same thing.
If you do it, change your gesture, so I'm just here talking.
I'm talking like this could be three, four, five,
six minutes of the conversation, and then I'll be like yeah,
and then from here I'll talk from here and keep talking?
And then say you do something else.
Yeah, still talking, talking.
It could be three, four, five minutes of the conversation,
and slowly hmm, yeah, three, four, five minutes,
and then eventually I'll be like, hmm, I might do that.
And naturally when you're mirroring someone what happens?
It's interesting.
It feels like both of you become in sync almost.
Like you're on the same wavelength.
That's actually what, we'll go deeper into this
in a little bit, but your brain subconsciously says
like we're on the same wavelength.
We kinda get each other. Oh, yeah.
That's powerful. You're like me,
and I'm like you, right?
In order to persuade there has to be trust being built.
Write it down.
Trust is very, very critical when it comes to persuasion.
That's why it's not about pushing people, manipulation,
'cause when people see that, oh,
you're trying to trick me, guess what?
Trust is lost.
You will not be able to persuade someone.
You have to lead with trust.
When you lead with trust you naturally become
a very, very powerful,
a very, very powerful communicator and persuader as well.
Make sense?
We like people like us.
How many like people like you?
How many people like people that are like you?
How many of you don't like people that are not like you?
Imagine meeting someone in a party and you feel like,
uh, that person is just leading,
example, let's say pretend I have no tattoos,
and suddenly when you meet someone
with a lot of tattoos, ooh, I like--
I got tattoos all over my face.
(laughs) Oh, man. I don't know if I,
you know, with ear piercing,
I don't know if I resonate with that person.
On the other hand, say, I love tattoos,
and I meet someone with a lot of tattoos.
Hey you got tattoos, that's cool!
Where'd you get that one?
Makes sense right?
We like people who are like us.
And not only to say this is,
we like people who think like us,
talk like us, and move like us.
Write it down. Absolutely.
We like people who talk like us,
think like us, and move like us.
Mirroring, that's part of it.
You can mirror in terms of their gestures,
vocal pitch, tones, body posture, but verbal communication
is only about 7% of all communication.
A majority of communication is all subconscious,
but this is why it is so powerful.
Imagine when you're communicating
with someone in terms of tonality.
Imagine, I'm very soft spoken, okay?
I'm gonna be very soft spoken and say, hey, Ed,
my name is Dan, and I'm here to attend this conference.
Hey, Dan, nice to meet you.
Hi, hi, and then you shake hard.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, my hands are broken.
Grabs Dan and locks in.
Keep going.
So what brought you here to this event?
And then be even more abrasive in my face.
So what brought you to this event?
You see I'm like, whoa, right?
We don't like people who are not like us,
and now I feel very intrusive.
I feel very, uncomfortable, right?
You see what I'm talking about?
Now, versus if he mirrors my body language,
I'm on my own tonality.
So, yeah, my friend told me about this event,
and I'm here to meet some good people.
Oh, okay, like what are you looking
to get from this event?
Yeah, I mean I've been learning from
this speaker for a long time,
and I've been watching his videos,
and I knew he was coming to town,
so I wanted to just come here and learn from him in person.
And so what are you really looking to learn from him?
Boom, you see the difference?
That's mirroring.
And I'm also doing the hands as well, you notice?
Yep, I saw that.
I also want these things. That was good,
that was good.
How many saw that?
Now, some people when they talk to you,
how will you do this?
When you talk to people you like
to look at people like that,
but not everybody's comfortable with that,
'cause a lot of people they talk about
to persuade you gotta look people in the eyes.
For some you actually have to look more away,
and then you look a little bit, and then you look more away.
Like introverts, you don't always look in the eye,
right, so you need to mirror that,
because when people are looking like this,
looking like this, looking like this, looking away,
and you're like then they're like,
"What the hell is going on?"
Then they get very, very uncomfortable.
Again, that's how you create rapport.
I feel like you just stared into my soul.
Yes, yes. (Stephen and Ed laugh)
You're flipping through maybe on Facebook, and you see,
you're just checking on the feeds and stuff like that,
and suddenly you see a little video
talking about like some cool gadget,
some technology, some widget thing about some,
that's pretty cool.
You never thought of buying anything,
but you're like that's pretty cool.
You click the link, and you find a little bit more,
and before you know it you're on Amazon buying something.
You're buying something from the site
or you're supporting the Kickstarter campaign.
How many have done that before?
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Right?
Yeah, you don't even know what is going on?
It's not a very conscious thing.
It's just you're just there looking on Facebook.
You didn't go on Facebook and think, hey, you know what?
Today I'm gonna buy some cool gadget.
You weren't even thinking about that.
You were just browsing and, oh, okay.
Wow, that's interesting.
This whole process happens at a subconscious level.
You have to gridlock this.
We are often when we persuade someone
the other party usually,
almost always, they don't know they're being persuaded.
It's in their subconscious, that one.
It's very key.
It's actually more powerful when they don't even know
that you're persuading them, (clicks)
that's how you know you're a master closer.
If you wanna get deeper you can also
get into Environmental Mirroring,
Belief Mirroring, Identity Mirroring.
Now, these are the deeper layers.
What do I mean by deeper layers?
Belief Mirroring, this is so, so powerful.
If, for example, let's use the,
actually let's go with the Identity Mirroring.
Ed, a couple of months ago
when Peter first met you, you were a?
I was vegan.
He was a vegan, right, and Peter back then,
another copywriter of ours, was also a vegan.
Guess what?
These two guys had never met before,
but because Peter was like, "Oh, you're a vegan, Ed?"
"I am a vegan." "Hey, I'm a vegan, too."
Boom, right there rapport was built instantaneously.
Rapport was built, trust was built.
That's when persuasion could happen, right?
Environmental?
Environmental, so...
When you're trying to influence other people,
when you can create that bond over
a similar thing that you enjoy, whether it's,
oh, hey, you know, you like this mall?
I like this mall, or you know--
What's even the vibe, and what you can use, right?
Like, oh, hey, you love, like when you met your mentor,
your third mentor, Dwayne Clark?
Oh, you love honey green tea?
I love honey green tea, right?
Exact same thing.
Belief Mirroring, yep. Belief Mirroring,
once again like what Stephen said,
let's say you're out, and then, hey, you notice,
let's use a Christian example,
hey, you know, I noticed you were wearing a cross.
Wow, I'm a Christian, too!
That's another example
of Belief Mirroring. Or with vegan.
Same thing to be vegan. Yeah, vegan.
Identity is so powerful.
Keto and vegan things, it's also Belief Mirroring.
Exactly.
Having that connection and really being able to find
the similarities between yourself and other people,
that's really the secret, because like in the caveman days
when it was everyone for themselves,
but then they became a tribe,
they had all these similarities, similar,
also another thing, similar goals,
similar things they were moving towards.
I think there was a study done where a team of kids
where they really didn't like each other,
but when they were put in the same basketball team,
they became best friends,
because they all had the same goal,
so if you can find ways to create mirroring
and similar experiences to other people
and similar beliefs and values
and really showcase those and express those,
you can become way more persuasive
and make way more friends.
Let's say if you're HTC,
you're a High Tech Closer, I'm a High Tech Closer.
Oh, you're from season five, I'm from season five.
You're from season six, I'm season six.
Right there that's an instant bond.
That's right.
Well, they see you wearing your HTC T-shirt, example,
or you see someone, hey, you're a DOD doer.
I'm a DOD doer, too!
Like, yeah, man we can take action.
That's that right there,
our trust, our bonding,
that already makes us seem very, very different,
because that's that trust from everybody else, right?
Spirituality Mirroring, we've already talked about it.
We share the same.
It doesn't have to be spirituality.
It could be something they could like or some common topic,
where you're from, what you like,
so just think about what some things you have in common.
In other words, just what you have in common.
Remember people like people who think like them,
who talk like them, who operate like them, right?