(very unfitting music)
God DAMN IT!!
NO!!
Two things in this fight are fucking retarded:
This asshole's, uh, laser beams, and the fuckin' cliff.
If you fall off, you're fucked.
You gotta do--oh, my GOD!
He just teleports away, just:
PEW PEW!
...right at your fuckin' back!
Ya punch him off the cliff, "OH HEY I WI-"
Nope, he just fuckin'...teleports and laser beams.
A lot of the time he uses it a fu- as a fuckin' combo.
I--Every time you start fuckin', kicking the shit out of him, he just teleports,
and-and-and laser beams.
Fuckin, Cyclops laser beams your fuckin' face.
'Cus it's the only goddamn thing he can do.
His fighting? Sucks, he sucks weewees.
And he just takes FOREVER to fucking kill.
His health, it takes SO FUCKIN' LONG TO DRAIN IT DOWN,
STAY DOWN, FOOL!!
LOOK AT HIM!
He's fuckin' dancing around in his lil' pink smoke!
Look at this shit!
What a fuckin' SISSY!
I swear, he becomes a total fuckin' dick.
These lasers you can actually fucking DODGE,
Uh, and you damn better well, too, because they,
not only fuck you up, but he starts breakin' the goddamn dam.
And...
OHH, THE FUCKIN' DAMN DAM!
If you fuckin', fall in...
You die.
And ya have to fight the whole fuckin' first part all over again.
Do ya notice his health?
It's all the way back up to the FUCKING top.
Don't you fuckin'--FUCKIN' dare.
You can fall inbetween the middle there. Apparently.
Uh, but you still can't fall in the fuckin' sides.
And his laser beams, occasionally, they'll hit you in mid air, and...
You'll...you'll fuckin' die. You'll fall in.
No--FUCK!! FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!
LIKE THAT!!
JUST LIKE THAT AND I GOTTA DO THE WHOLE FUCKIN' FIRST PART
ALL OVER AGAIN, 10 MINUTES DOWN THE FUCKING DRAIN!
FUCK!
Oh, my God, sit fucking STILL, Deadpool!
It's like a goddamn fight between the, like,
the fuckin' Graysons or some shit.
It's like, flying around, acrobatics all over the place.
Sit the fuck still and let me pummel the shit out of you!
He keeps disappearin' in his fuckin' furry pink smoke!
It's like a goddamn fuckin' tenant runnin' from his landlord on the day rent is due.
YOU OWE ME, MOTHERFUCKER, FIRST OF THE MONTH!! STOP DICKIN' AROUND!!
Fucking die, fool!
Christ!
Oh my God--yeah,
and you know what, Hugh Jackman...
It's great he did the fuckin' voice for the character,
but, maybe next time record more than FIVE FUCKIN' LINES.
'Cus I love listenin' to 'em over and over and over again.
HIT THE FUCKIN' X BUTTON!!
Oh, come on!!
He just got finished fuckin' lasering and he teleports right as I get to him and starts lasering more shit...
Stop being an asshole!
FUCK YOU, RYAN REYNOLDS!!
I don't even know why the fuck they picked Ryan Reynolds,
you got the guy doin' fuckin' Deadpool,
after he already did, uh, fuckin' Human Torch.
Couldn't find another fucking actor? Holy shit, I mean, he's not bad, but...fuck!
Oh, my God, I can't EVEN MAKE IT OVER TO HIM, LOOK AT THIS!!
Are you fucking kidding me?!
LOOK, HE'S JUST LASERIN' THE SHIT OUT OF ME!!
My health is gone, he just hit me with like, five fuckin' lasers!
And then he does that!
And THEN HE DOES THAT!!
AND THEN HE DOES THAT!!!
RIGHT OFF the FUCKING cliff!!
This is fuckin' bullshit!
This is absolutely fuckin' RIDICULOUS!!
Bam! Fuckin' knocked right into the dam, I win-
OH, NOPE, FUCK, he's right there!
Stop dancin' on the fucking railing! AND the ceiling!
FUCK!
No no NO NO NO!!
Look at this dick, look at this dickhead, LOOK at this dickhead!
Fuck is the matter with you?!
Oh, my God...
There it is!
There IT IS!
THERE IT IS!!
EVERY FUCKIN' TIME YOU JUMP,
DEADPOOL'S THERE TO FUCK YOU IN YOUR FACE!!
EXCEPT THAT IT'S NOT EVEN DEADPOOL!!
THAT'S NOT DEADPOOL!!
IT'S NOT EVEN FUCKIN' CANON!!
THIS SHIT ISN'T CANON!!!!