Yesterday President Trump held a surprise press conference...
with Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell.
Uh, which is kind of the worst surprise ever, right?
It just, "Surprise! I brought Mitch McConnell."
Boo!
It's like, "Say, what kind of a surprise party is Mitch McCon...
(bleep), kill yourself."
And, now, all of this is happening...
all of this is happening because Donald Trump's presidency
has resulted in no major legislative accomplishments,
all right? And part of it is because people think
Trump and the Senate don't get along, right?
Which is true, but they don't want people knowing that.
Which is why Trump and Mitch came out to say that
they're not just colleagues,
they've been best BFFs forever.
Contrary to what some of you may have reported,
uh, we are together, totally.
We've been friends and acquaintances for a long time.
We are probably now-- despite what we read--
we're probably now, I think,
at least as far as I'm concerned,
closer than ever before.
My relationship with this gentleman is outstanding,
has been outstanding.
I don't know, something's fishy here.
They sound less like real friends and more like
Trump's trying to get Mitch a green card, you know?
(imitates Trump): "This-this gentleman--
"I'm gonna say 'Mitch'-- Mitch, right? Yeah.
"Mr. Immigration Officer,
this relationship is special, it's so special."
"That's what you said about Melania."
"Okay, I'll admit that was a scam,
but this one is real. This one is real."
It's funny watching these two
try and sell us their romance, you know?
It's like, who are they trying to convince?
Because all you have to do is compare yesterday
to every other thing that they've said.
There have been a number of stories
in the last couple of weeks saying that Mitch McConnell
and President Trump basically hate each other.
I'm very disappointed in Mitch.
REPORTER: McConnell, uh, says privately that he is uncertain
that Trump will be able to salvage his presidency.
REPORTER 2: In a series of tweets this month, Mr. Trump
criticized Mr. McConnell publicly
and then berated him in a phone call
that quickly devolved into a profane shouting match.
Okay, okay, you know what, I'm gonna-I'm gonna take that back--
actually, that does sound like real love. That's...
Yeah, isn't that love? Every phone call
devolves into a profane shouting match?
That's love. That is love.
We're just a few weeks away from hearing that Trump
was throwing all Mitch's stuff out of his Senate office window.
Mitch is just there like, (imitates McConnell):
"Stop it, Donald, you're being ridiculous."
(imitates Trump): "I loved you, Mitch!
You broke my heart, Mitch!"
"Put a shirt on, goddamn it.
You're embarrassing the neighborhood."
"This is me, Mitch! Accept me for my body, Mitch.
You got to accept me. You never loved me, Mitch."
"Donald, please, everybody's watching. Come on."
"Nobody cares, Mitch.
"Nobody cares.
-Nobody." -(cheering, applause)
So... so, the goal of the press conference,
uh, was to make everyone forget about
all of that stuff, right?
Uh, and Trump-- he did accomplish that.
He did a good job. Uh, he made people forget
the same way he usually makes people forget about any issue--
by creating an entirely new issue, right...
when a reporter asked him this question.
Uh, I've written them personal letters.
Uh, they've been sent.
Or they're going out tonight,
but they were, during the weekend.
Uh, I will, at some point,
during the... the period of time,
call the parents and, uh, the families.
'Cause I have done that, traditionally.
Okay, you know, I'm not sure what's worse:
the fact that President Trump said nothing
after four American soldiers were killed in Niger
or the fact that his first public statement about it
was basically "the dog ate my homework."
Like, I wish Trump just came out and told the truth.
Just be like, "Yo, Trump, why didn't you call?
Why didn't you say something?"
Just be like, "You know why I said nothing?
"Because after saying Nambia,
"I was afraid to mispronounce Niger, okay?
That's the truth. #Woke."
(laughter)
But instead... instead of just admitting fault,
he somehow found a way to make this about Obama.
The traditional way,
if you look at President Obama and other presidents,
most of them, uh, didn't make calls.
A lot of them didn't make calls.
I like to call when it's appropriate,
when I think I'm able to do it.
I don't know if he did. No, no, no.
Uh, I-I was... I was told that he didn't often.
And a lot of presidents don't. They write letters.
-I do... Excuse me, Peter. -Mr. President...
I do a combination of both.
I like-- when I can--
the combination of a call and also a letter.
Wow. Okay.
I don't know if you noticed what he just did there.
See what he said?
"President Obama never called.
"I call and I write.
"I also haven't called, and I didn't write.
"But I do, except when I don't, which is now.
Pretty much now. Yeah."
(cheering, applause)
I deserve credit!
Oh. Get out! Go!
What are you doing here? Get out of here.
(applause)
Sorry.
It's the locals. I, uh...
I feel really bad for Mitch McConnell, man.
I'm not gonna lie.
Because this day was supposed to be
about showing off unity, right?
Instead the Trump train derailed
what was supposed to be a simple photo opportunity.
And I don't know why Republicans insist
on letting Donald Trump speak.
They should just stage relationship paparazzi pictures.
That's all you need.
Yeah. They should do it like...
You know, I can see it now, like a...
a Trump and McConnell sharing a milkshake.
People like, "Wow. Could this be tax reform?"
Who knows.