I guess I want guys
to hear this message
so they understand the challenges
set ahead of them
as they continue to improve and to level up.
But there's another challenge that
we've talked about in private
and you said you know what?
Let's talk a little bit about it in public.
And to me it's like dating
as an influencer but also dating as
a high character man influencer.
(Laughter)
And we've had many conversations about that
because there's just so many layers to that.
There's so many challenges and issues
and I think a lot of people don't know it.
A lot of people don't talk about it,
a lot of people don't you know,
really have this conversation.
And I feel like you would be
the perfect person
to have this conversation because
I feel as though
that what you and Chris go through
is probably one of the biggest dating challenges
for any man especially in 2021.
Yeah, I mean like
I don't even know where to begin.
It definitely is not easy, you know.
So, for the men who are
building themselves up
I’m going to break it down like this.
So, if you were just trying to be high value
in the sense of being
highly desirable man,
having certain qualities.
And you're going to run amuck
and just have no more accomplice
it could be easy, all right.
But clearly that's not the goal here.
The goal is high value
and high character.
Once we include character,
once we include God in your life.
Because I said yes, we may not be perfect
but there's still a level of conviction there.
The game is... Let me not say the game.
But the whole situation
is a lot more difficult, all right.
And I think a lot of people don't understand that
because now there's just so much to consider.
One thing I have to bring up, all right.
Because I was literally just speaking to someone
I don't want to say his name,
keep it private.
But we were talking about
how so many women
are saying they want
high value, high character,
they want all this stuff,
they want this man to have all these wonderful things
make money whatever, whatever.
But they're not really considering
what they're going to have to do
once they get him, all right.
What they're going to have to do to now
keep and maintain that relationship.
So, they're considering
all the benefits of having this guy
but not the continuous work.
You see I’m saying?
Because the mentality is well I deserve this,
I deserve this, I deserve this, I deserve this, yes.
But are you prepared to
keep working to keep it?
And then there's this mentality that
you know some people say,
you can't keep a man unless
he doesn't want to be kept.
Granted, he has to want to be there
but you're not just absolved
of any responsibility on
his willingness to stay with you.
There is work that has to be put on your end
and I think a lot of women don't realize
if you want that...
It's like if you want that high-paying job
there's going to be more that's
entailed in your job description.
There's going to be more
effort that has to be given.
it doesn't necessarily get easier
because now you're getting paid more,
now you have more benefits.
So, there's going to be more work being put in.
Do you really want that
or are you more comfortable
at the current position
where they might be less required of you?
Okay, be honest with yourself.
But all that to go back to the point of
it then makes the dating at that level
harder because everyone wants you,
everyone's not willing to
put in the work to keep you.
Lord!
(Laughter)
Man I’m telling you,
it's crazy man.
Like honestly
I feel like dating changes every six months.
I feel like once I understand the old form
there's a new form coming.
And like you said man
you're in this position where
like you are an influence and I realize that
you know we are in like
we're living in one percent life
you know we can travel,
we can work from anywhere,
we can do... We make our own schedule
making good money,
you know we look good.
(Laughter)
So, like we are highly desirable
and I understand that but
like you said
when people expect something of you
they're not willing to put the work in
or they're not willing to understand, you know.
Like, because I’m such a futuristic person
and I realized you know what's Stephan?
I blame you, all right.
I blame you.
Ever since we've been on tour,
we've been around you, you know.
I see things in women that
I have never seen before in my life.
Well, she's damaged,
she needs to heal,
we don't have that connection.
So, I’m just like oh, my God.
So, now, I’m looking at so many different things
but even before like
we even get to a certain point.
So, it's like on top of being highly desirable,
on top of knowing all the information
of where it's like where women
where their current state is,
it is extremely difficult to date out here
and you know what? I’m not trying to be discouraged.
I want to be encouraged
to really continue to, you know
fight and be in Hafeez's position
It must be nice.
But like it's a whole lot of things man
I’m still trying to learn and understand.
So, one in regards to
being encouraged, you know.
Listen, I look at this way
when you are aiming to be your best self
you will be rewarded
in all areas of your life.
Certain things take time
and we have to understand...
I think that's one of the important messages
for any man listening to this is
it's not instant gratification.
It isn't okay, I achieved
this high value, high character man,
where's my perfect wife?
Where's my amazing one?
Okay listen bro,
it might be another year or two,
it might take some extra time.
There might be some other things you need to do.
There might be some other small blind spots
you got to cover before you can
really have that relationship in your life
or other certain things in your life.
Now, also to your point about,
you know after going on tour and stuff,
the things you see in women.
That's the other side of this
I think a lot of men don't realize is...
So, it's almost like I always say
when you heal and you become healthier
it's harder for you
to deal with a damaged person
and it's easier for you
to see the damage, all right.
So, when you become high quality,
high value whatever,
it's easier for you to see
someone's lacking the qualities that they need
for you to be happy.
When we're operating at a lower level
we're much more willing to accept people.
I always say a lot of relationships
start because people overlook
the red flags, all right.
Or they flat out ignore them
and make excuses for them.
As you become high value, high character,
your ability to ignore the red flags
is diminished severely.
So, now, okay,
dating seems to get harder
because now you start to see
less qualified people
or you start to knock people off a lot
faster and quicker because like damn,
now I’m catching on to this that and the other.
But when you were at your lower level
man you ignored that she had a bad attitude,
you ignored that this was a toxic environment.
You made excuses because
hell, you might have been operating
in a toxic environment.
So many dysfunctional things
you ignored or overlooked because
there was dysfunction within you.
And once you kind of break through that,
that's what makes it now harder
because unfortunately
the vast majority of the world
is operating in dysfunction.
That's just an unfortunate reality.
And becoming high value
whether it's woman or man
is a small percentage of people.
So, understand that
if we defined it as
the top three percent.
I’m not saying that's what it is but let's just say
we define it as the top three percent.
That means if you come across
a thousand people tomorrow,
let's make it less.
You come across a hundred people,
only three of those people
are going to even be qualified
to match your energy and level
and then within that three
will you really like any one of them?
Because they can be high quality
doesn't mean you're feeling them like that.
So, now, you got to wait for the next
batch of 100
and you got to keep going.
So, that's why it's going to get harder
as you go higher in your life.
You had something?
Yeah, you know I was going to say
I absolutely love that point
because I don't think people understand that
when you're not healthy it's confusing.
And I would always say my dad
could not come in this house right now.
If my dad came in here
his head will blow up
because my dad cannot stand
things that are dirty.
You know what I mean?
And obviously we're going to clean up
but long week, long week.
And so, my dad as a very clean man
cannot stand to be in dirty places, he cannot.
So, when you are a healthy individual
and you are a healed person
you cannot stand
not even that oh, do you work with them?
It's like I can't even be here.
It's like I can't, I can't
it's like the most uncomfortable thing in the world
and I don't think people understand that difference.
And so, when a lot of people are like oh,
there's all these girls, all these girls I’m like,
no disrespect to them, no disrespect.
(Laughs)
There's not as many women
who have really done the healing work
the way we have.
There's not a lot of people who have really done
all the things that we have done.
So, you guys see them
from the outside looking in
with their beautiful smiles
and their great bodies and their beautiful faces
and like Chris is saying
we can see the hurt.
We can see the damage,
we can see the masculinity,
we can see so many things
that other people can't see
because we've done so much of the work.
Absolutely, and like you said
the ability to now tolerate it
is pretty much non-existent.
You just can't...
You don't even want to be bothered with it.
And so, now, to the outside looking in
we're being too picky,
we're being unreasonable,
oh, judgmental.
You know
and it's like no, we just know
what you don't know yet.
And if you would do your work
you would now start to see this very clearly.
And also let me add this, you know
once you get to a higher level
the stakes are higher.
We cannot align ourselves
with just any other woman.
You see what I’m saying?
So, there's going to be more...
(Laughter)
Can you repeat that for me.
Once you reach a higher level
we cannot align ourselves with any other woman.
It can't just be
oh, she looks good and she talks nice.
There's got to be more there.
Does she even support our purpose?
Can she even embrace our purpose?
Because she might have some thing
going on in her life
and she don't know how to get in alignment with us.
That's going to be a
deal breaker, you know what I’m saying?
Because we can't afford
to have someone who's going to distract us
and destroy us, you know I’m saying?
A lot of dudes
and I have to mention this
because there's a lot of athletes.
I see athletes talk about
I don't know his name
but there was one athlete talking about how
you know the woman has to have
her own business, her own money.
And I’m like no, bro you're talking that nonsense
because and no disrespect by calling it nonsense,
but I do view it that way.
It's because you've probably
been played by women, all right
and used for your money.
So, now you're viewing them
having money as security for you
to feel like she doesn't want me for that.
Rather than just accepting
you chose the wrong women,
you chose horribly.
So, now, you think you're making better choices
because you're taking this logical approach
not realizing that,
that woman's still probably not in alignment with you.
And you're still picking the wrong woman.
You think because she has money now you're safe.
You're not safe
because you still don't know how to
evaluate her character,
you still don't know how to pick up on her spirit,
you still clearly don't understand
the importance of healing
because you haven't healed.
Because if you did you wouldn't be
using the money as a scapegoat,
you wouldn't be using it as a defense mechanism.
So, clearly you have your own issues
you see what I’m saying?
And instead of understanding that
you're pushing this false narrative of
they need to have their own money no.
More importantly they need
to be able to align with you.
And of course as a man,
you need to find your purpose because
having money don't equal purpose.
You can be successful and still not have purpose.
So, as a man, you have to find your purpose
and then see who aligns with that.
But going back to the whole
dating thing yeah,
it's a different ball game.
Now, you know I’m hoping the dudes listening to this
don't get discouraging in like,
f this high value stuff,
I’m going to stay where I’m at, no.
Listen, everyone needs to aim for higher
but I do want them to understand
yeah, it doesn't necessarily get easier
again, if you're trying to do this the healthy way.
You need some water?
This boy is beaten up by... Oh, my God Oh, my...
I know what you said the fact that,
I feel like women don't understand that
men that have high status,
high character, high value
you know, they care about their image.
So, you cannot just date anybody
because once you need me
you are an extension of me.
Like, you are going to be known as
Stephan Speaks girl.
(Laughter)
You doing certain things
everybody is going to be like
Stephan, that's... That's your girl.
(Laughter)
I've been having conversations and it's like
you know with some women's past
or women like platforms and things
and they're not taking into consideration
if you talk about you know
sex a lot, if you talk about negative things,
or bad relationships, all of this all of the time,
most men don't want to be associated with that.
But they say to me you know
it's a low level of thinking
like you don't want to understand,
you of all people you have build a platform
you should understand where they're coming from.
So, I’m just thinking I’m like,
you don't understand like,
when you talk about those things,
you associate yourself with those things,
you know if we date
we are also those things.
And it's like we have a higher standard
we don't want to be known
for that kind of talk or
you know that kind of business or whatever,
but I just love that point.
So, my question to you is...
But real quick before you ask that question
let me make this comment.
So, you know we see things a little bit different
when it comes to that specific topic,
now hold on now.
We are going to cap more than ever,
are we going to do?
Don't cap listen.
So, I agree with you to a certain extent,
so here's the thing.
Number one I agree that in general
like you said most men
of high value, high status
they have to consider the woman's image
plain and simple.
And most women are going to get disqualified
because they're not
taking that seriously enough
especially in today's world, all right.
However, at least I'm going to speak just for me,
I cannot speak for other men.
For example, let's say I meet a woman
and let's say she's a stripper, all right.
But I didn't meet her at the strip club,
I don't go to the strip club.
Let's just say
I met her at the mall whatever, right.
We hit it off everything's
amazing there's a connection there
I found out you're a stripper.
Now, I’m a believer in
if I find a connection I'm not letting
your past stop me
from being with you, all right.
What about her present?
Exactly, so the key is this,
I will not hold your past against you,
but are you now prepared
to walk away from that
for us to now move forward
in a different direction?
If you're prepared to do that
I can deal with the people saying
oh, well you got with a stripper.
Listen, we ain't perfect.
We were just talking about it earlier
we ain't perfect, we're human.
If we look at the bible
hell, Moses was a murderer,
a lot of these people have pasts
that were not great, okay.
I am okay
with not holding your past against you
but you cannot continue in this
image that now works against me
if we're going to be together.
So, that's where I differentiate
is as long as you're willing
to now make a change.
So, even if you're a woman
who let's say post very provocatively on IG
I’m not going to hold it against you.
Whatever you posted before
whatever today's date is fine.
However, if we're going to be together
yeah, we are going to take some of those
posts down and things like that.
Now, if you're not okay with that
because you feel like I should just respect that.
All right then that's when
we can't work, you know what I’m saying?
We have to have a compromise somewhere,
you know what I’m saying?
And of course I wouldn't want you
to continue to post like that.
But if you're willing to make that adjustment
okay, cool.
So, that's my position.
But go ahead with your question bro.
You know I think it's a good point.
I heard you said you know
there’s 100 people,
three percent of girls we will have
they all need to met the standard, you know.
So, my question to you is
how can we make that three to like six?
(Laughter)
What do we have to do?
Like what are some ways that you know
we can be introduced
to more high quality women?
Where do we find them?
Who are introducing them to us?
What do we have to do as men?
Is all I’m asking.
Well, I think we're doing it.
I think having these honest conversations
about what high value or high character
or highly desirable man,
whatever label we want to throw on it.
What the good quality guy wants in a woman
I think a lot of women have been lied to
led astray or have been conditioned to believing
a false narrative as far as what men want.
So, by having these conversations
many of them are now learning.
Now, can we make everyone embrace it? No.
But like you said we're just trying to
go from three to six.
So, just getting three more percent to say
all right I can do this,
then we're going to win.
So, I think that's all it really boils down to,
but also I think and the roommates
you all too are doing this
is creating more high value men.
I think that by...
Even though I do believe that
men follow the lead of women in the sense that
if women set the standard tomorrow of
we... This is an example.
We won't date a drug dealer.
You have to have a certain kind of job, right.
You would start to see men
fall off from being drug dealers.
If they really felt like they could not get any woman
with this, they would stop doing that.
So, I do feel like men respond to women in that way.
However, I do think that
as more men
grow and step into their true potential
it will have a positive impact
maybe not directly as far as
getting the woman you know
that he engages with to step up.
But hell, maybe it's your own daughter
if you have a kid.
And not being a high value man
you're going to be a man in the household that
raised a healthier happier daughter.
And that, so that might not be
beneficial to us right now,
but at least its beneficial
to the next generation of men coming up.
There's going to be some kind of impact somewhere.
So, I think having the conversations
will help the women, you know I’m saying?
And again, some of them are going to embrace it
some of them aren't.
And for the men helping them continue to grow
and that will also have an impact.
Hey, thank you for watching this video.
Be sure to check this one out right here
and I'll see you there.
But let's not fool ourselves
there's plenty of women playing games,
there's plenty of women pimping out here, all right.
And running circles around some men
and using them for all they can.
And so I want to shed some light because some of you...