Hello, and welcome to Ask the Attorney Anything. I'm Rebecca Zung and this is my livestream
forum. This is where I go live and answer all your questions in real time. The one thing I definitely
want to make sure that I announce is that I'm going to be doing a live webinar tomorrow,
and I'll be doing an extended version of Ask the Attorney Anything at the end of the live webinar.
The webinar is The Three Must-have Secrets to Communicating with a Narcissist. it's time to
shift the dynamic, shift the conversation, shift it all so that you are now the one in
control of the situation. So make sure you join me for that. I will make sure that we
pin a comment to that so that you can all join me there. And as I said, I'll be doing an extended
version of the Ask the Attorney Anything live there tomorrow at 9:00 AM Pacific Time.
So make sure to come and join me for that. So Linda Marie is saying, "Hi, I would love
to know where you are all tuning in from." I am here in sunny, Southern California,
where we are continuing to be locked down. My husband is actually recovering from COVID. So it's
kind of starting to hit everybody. A lot of people that I know are dealing with COVID and some of you
are all still locked down with narcissists in the same house. And you're trying to figure out your
escape plan, trying to figure out how to get where you want to go and actually maybe escape with
a fair result. And that's what I'm here to teach you. I teach you negotiation skills,
how to actually create leverage, how to create a strategy, how to actually
go where you want to go as far as the negotiation is concerned. How do you deal with them
if they're more powerful than you are? How do you deal with them when they
are lining up their flying monkeys and lining up and triangulating everybody so that you feel like
everyone's going to believe all their lies? What do you do about that?
So that's what I'm here to teach you. And I see Linda Marie is tuning in from Louisiana
and [Sang Guita 00:02:32] is saying, "Hi," and Barbara saying, "Hello." Hi Jeanette.
And somebody says, "My three loves," and hi to you. I would love to know where you're tuning
in from. And I would love to take your questions. So go ahead and start shooting me your questions
and letting me know how I can assist you today in dealing with the narcissists and negotiating
with them. Somebody says, "Shalom everyone." That's Verna. Hi, Kiana. Barb says, "21 years,
halfway out the door, just diagnosed. I need the benefits, but I'd rather love the rest
of my life and peace." You can have both. How about that? How about you get what you
are entitled to, and also have a peaceful life. That's what I want all of you very much to have.
Let's see. Hi, Sang Guita is saying, "You pronounced it right." All right. Hi,
Courtney from Arizona. Hi, Marta from Hollywood, California, and Jeanette from Long Beach.
Somebody is asking, "If you have a restraining order against the defendant and they refuse
to give the child back despite court order, what should I do?" If you have somebody who's
violating a court order, you need to make sure to let the judge know. One of the things that I
tell people all the time is that the only person who has any power to make somebody do something
on the planet, the way we have it set up in our lives right now, other than parents or guardians,
are our judges. So if you have a court order and somebody is violating that court order,
you have to let the judge know in the form of a motion for contempt or a motion to enforce
or something like that. You want to make sure that the judge knows that that order has been violated.
And you've heard the expression, "Given an inch, the people will take a mile."
That is so much narcissist. I mean, people wonder how they get away with stuff.
They get away with stuff because people allow them to get away with stuff.
And one of the things that my S.L.A.Y. Program, which is already out, is going to be updated on
January 20th, and in that program I'm going to be including a brand new thing. You have to have
the program in order to get it, but it's going to be a packet for lawyers to let lawyers know
about narcissism. And one of the things that I say in there
is to tell the lawyers, to let them know that they cannot sit on things. If discovery is due
on August 7th, then on August 8th, a motion to compel needs to be filed. You can't let them get
away with anything because that's how they start to feel empowered. That's how they start to feel
emboldened because they realize there haven't been consequences to their actions. So if there's a
court order and it has been violated, then making sure that you... Call them out on their behavior,
making sure that the judge knows who it is that they're dealing with. Judges don't
like it when people thumb their noses at court orders. So making sure that you don't do that.
All right. Somebody says, "Should you leave the marital home before filing for divorce or stay in
the home and then file. Children are involved." So here's what I say about the marital home. If it's
in joint names or it's a marital or a community asset, leaving the home is not going to change the
nature and character of that asset. Whatever the character is of it, as far as splitting it as an
asset, won't change. What changes though is whether or not you want to be able to get back
into the house, because once you're out of the house and you already have another place to go,
if you want to try to get back into the house, it can be difficult because judges
at that point might just say... If you go back and you try to get a exclusive occupancy order,
the judge at that point might just say, "Hey, listen, you guys are already in separate
houses. You already have a place to go. It's fine. Let's just leave it the way it is for now."
And especially if you have children, don't move out without a written parenting plan in place. It
can be a temporary parenting plan. It doesn't even have to be formalized. It can just be typed up by
you guys or something. Signed. But you definitely want to have a written parenting plan in place
that you can then present to the judge and ask for it to be turned into a court order down the road.
Otherwise, if you were dealing with a narcissist, the narcissist might start alienating the children
against you, or might start accusing you of alienation or things like that.
I've seen horror stories where somebody moved out, without a parenting plan in place, and then
suddenly they haven't been able to see their kids for months at a time. And it's very hard to get
in front of judges in general, but especially right now with COVID, it's even worse, there's
a huge backlog. And so getting hearing time in front of a judge can be difficult. And meanwhile,
you haven't seen your kids all that time. So Eva's saying, "Thank you so much by what
you were doing. You help a lot." I'm so glad to hear that. So glad to hear that. So let's see.
Somebody is asking, "My wife's protective order was just dropped." I'm assuming against you. "Does
it look bad on me if I file one against her? She's already threatening to file another. Please help."
That's sort of a legal advice question and I want to be very careful about providing legal advice,
but in general, if somebody has dropped a protective order against somebody,
then it probably makes you look better. And if you need to file one against somebody else,
the only thing that I would say to people, if they want to try to get a protective order against
somebody, is to make sure that you are going to get it, make sure it's going to stick. Because
when you ask for a protective order against someone, the judge can either
set it for hearing right away, they can issue it on a temporary basis and then set it for hearing.
I mean, there's a number of different things the judge can do. But most of the time, what happens
is the protective order gets issued right away. And then there's a hearing that's set for within a
few days or something like that. And what happens is once you get to that hearing, you need to
prove up all of your facts and all the things that you wrote in the affidavit in order to procure the
injunction in the first place. And if you don't come to court ready to prove all of that stuff,
then the injunction will get dropped. And if that happens, then the other person will be
emboldened and feel like they got away with stuff, and you lost, and all of that dynamic starts to
be put into you put into play at that point. So every time somebody wants to go get a
restraining order or some kind of a protective order, I just tell people, make sure that you have
enough, make sure that you're going to get it. If you can afford to get a plaintiff's attorney
to help you do it, I do suggest that you do that. Because you want to make sure
that everything that you do, the affidavit, your testimony, the witnesses, the evidence you have,
is going to pass muster under the statute so that you will actually be able to get it.
And don't just threaten to use them, actually just do it, otherwise it looks like you're using it
to try to coerce people into doing things. You have to actually do it if you're going to do it.
So let's see. Somebody's asking, "Hi, Rebecca. How and where can I expose my
narcissist? I'm not allowed to have income now." So what I want to say is,
for a lot of these questions, I want you guys to come to my webinar tomorrow. It's tomorrow
morning at 9:00 AM, Pacific Time. I'll be doing an extended version of the Ask the Attorney Anything
there, but I will also answer a lot of the questions about how to create strategy,
how to create leverage, how to do the things that you need to do in order to expose
narcissists. Because there is very definitely a way to do that, but you need to be super strategic
and you need to make sure that once you have leverage, you're presenting it at the right time.
So come join me tomorrow with The Three Must-have Secrets to Communicating with a Narcissist.
I'll make sure that there's a link to signing up for it in the very first comment. It'll be
pinned as the very first comment here underneath this video. Come join me.
I don't want you guys to continue to be stuck. I don't want you guys to continue to feel powerless
and paralyzed in these situations. I know the drama, trauma and chaos that narcissists inflict,
and I know it feels impossible to be able to turn it around so that you're finally not on your back,
feeling like they've got you pinned, and nobody's going to believe anything that you say.
I promise you that there's a methodology to turn it around so that you finally feel heard. You
finally feel valued. You finally have a voice in the situation. So come join me tomorrow for
sure and I will help you do all of these things. So it's tomorrow at 9:00 AM Pacific.
If you can't make it live, then if you sign up for it, you will automatically be sent the replay,
if you can't make it live. So come join me tomorrow and I'll have bonuses for people who
show up live and I'll stay until the end and I'll answer as many questions as I can
tomorrow as well. So come join me. And the link will be in the first comment. It'll be
pinned as soon as I'm done here today. So, if you liked this video, make sure you like it and
share it and drop me a comment. Let me know where you're tuning in from, what's going on with you
and make sure you subscribe to my channel. If you haven't already, subscribe, hit that notification
bell. Grab my free Crush My Negotiation prep worksheet at winmynegotiation.com. Come join me
and my free private Facebook group at Narcissist Negotiators. I want to make sure that you have
access to as many free resources as possible. And that's why I do all the things that I do.
And by the way, thank you all once again, for a hundred thousand subscribers. I just
hit a hundred thousand last week and I'm super excited that the message is getting out there,
that I'm being able to give people real tools and resources in negotiating with
narcissists so that you can actually turn this around and get the life that you want. So
thank you so much for joining me on this episode of Ask the Attorney Anything. I will hopefully
see all of you guys tomorrow on my webinar, but if not, I'll see you in the next one of these or
in my videos. So thank you so much and I hope you have fabulous rest of your day.