In the last few decades, women have made
big strides in the workplace.
We're no longer getting harassed while wearing
big ugly shoulder pads.
It's 2023, now we're getting harassed while wearing
super cool big shoulder pads.
Needless to say, corporate women still face challenges.
When it comes to the CEOs of the largest companies,
women are still vastly underrepresented.
There are currently 38 female CEOs at the S&P 500.
And women CEOs are 45% more likely to be fired
than their male counterparts.
There's also evidence that women
who are appointed to the top job,
aren't necessarily set up for success.
High level women are often promoted
during a time of crisis.
It's a phenomenon called The Glass Cliff.
Women who negotiate are 67% more likely
than women who don't receive feedback
that their personal style is intimidating,
too aggressive, or bossy.
When women have a child, their earnings
decline for each child by 4%.
Wow.
Whereas men, there's a fatherhood bonus.
Interesting.
And they actually earn more when they have children.
It's called the motherhood penalty.
That's right. It's--
[booing]
Yeah.
It's really hard to be a woman in the corporate world.
And they didn't even mention the fact that the office
is always so freaking cold.
So no wonder women have to work harder.
It's the only thing that will keep us warm.
With all the challenges women are facing in the workplace,
I thought it was important to offer
some mentorship to the next generation of female leaders.
Take a look.
Hi, everybody.
Hello!
Hi!
My name is Desi.
And today I'm going to tell you how
to climb your way to the top of the corporate ladder,
just like the boys.
And sometimes that means playing dirty.
And sometimes it's going to be an uphill battle.
All right?
Look to the person to your right.
Now look at the person to your left.
OK, we're still learning rights and lefts.
By the end of today, only one of you will remain.
yes.
We don't want to be boys, but we should be like boys.
Not in a way that we're like the boys,
but we're going to be like empowered woman
and we're going to get extremely accomplished,
then we're going to get money and we're
going to put in our bank account and get more money.
Yeah, because you worked for it.
And I think, what did she, what is the key takeaway?
Is that we want?
To beat the boys.
Yeah, but we want to fill our pockets with?
Money!
Yeah.
OK, who here knows what a CEO is?
Hey!
No!
- Hey! - Nobody knows.
Bee, you're up.
You want to be a CEO?
Um.
No.
You sure?
Do you know what a CEO is?
No.
Chief Executive Officer.
I have no idea what that means.
You're the boss.
So like, you're like, you know how a teacher is
the leader of the classroom?
Oh, yeah.
And they're in control of everything
happening in the classroom?
Oh, yeah.
It's just like that, except they don't have to pay out
of pocket for office supplies.
So, OK, part of making it to the top of corporate America
is knowing how to negotiate for yourself.
Do you know what that means? - No.
No.
What does it mean to negotiate?
Uh.
OK, the most important thing about negotiating for a raise,
is that you're touting your accomplishments.
What chores have you been doing lately?
Have you been adding value to your family?
Have you been say, helping your brother tie his shoes?
That's mentorship.
I don't know how to tie shoes.
Do you know how to slip on a pair of pumps?
Um, yes.
Then it doesn't matter.
OK, do any of you want to be mommies?
- Mommies? - Yes!
I want to be a mommy.
OK, wonderful.
That'll be $40,000 up front.
Uh.
What do you mean?
It's called the mommy tax.
Nobody has that kind of money.
What about $9,000.
I like the attempt to negotiate,
but no, it's a hard and fast $40 grand.
No!
OK, there are two types of CEOs.
Has anyone here heard of Elizabeth
Holmes or Anna Delvey?
Is Anna Delvey the person who pretended
to be like a Russian heiress or whatever?
Well, yes, she is.
You are my prize student.
Here's the lesson we learned.
You only know the names of the women
who have done illegal things.
OK, Belle, congratulations.
You are now our new CEO.
[rattling]
[gasp]
You now get to clean up the mess
that the previous CEO made.
What?
But, you said being a CEO was good.
Yes, it is.
But it's not always fair.
I'm keeping the bag, I'm not cleaning that up.
And that is how you negotiate.
[applause]
[claps]
[cheering]
Why are you clapping?