'King Eystein the Fart'
Is that meant to say Einstein but he -
No it is Eystein.
- got it wrong.
Eystein the Fart?
So he farted once?
No Fart is Norwegian,
speedy, fast,
speedy, quick.
Oh, so it's just a typo
really
It's Norwegian
Still a bit of a translation
He travelled a lot
and he was also
the first source we have in writing of ice-skating
He described his own
"ice legs"
exactly
"whoosh sound"
"fart sound"
He was succeeded by his son,
whom you will like,
who has one of the best names
I think of any king,
'Halfdan
the mild'
Halfdan the mild?
Surely that's
"half a mild please dan"
isn't that what it is?
Foreign policy was like
"Ahh, It'll be fine"
Right let's go to King Ragnar,
why was he called
what he was called?
Hairy breeches, um
Was he very hairy?
He wore hairy breeches
Breeches?
Did he really?
His wife made them out of animal hide
and they supposedly were there to protect him
but as you can see,
he's here, being killed.
And how's he being killed?
By his own trousers!
Doesn't kill the animals before she made the clothes
His viking ship capsized off the coast of
Northumbria, and he was thrown
into a pit of poisonous snakes.
In Northumbria?
by the king of England at the time, King Aelle.
Where did he find these poisonous snakes from in Northumbria?
Adders
Adders that would give you a bit on an itch.
It may be a made-uppy story,
but Ragnar was eventually avenged by his son
who was called 'Ivar the Boneless'
That's a great name
He'd be called Ivar the viagra these days
To get through railings
And he got his revenge on King Aelle
It's a brilliant superpower!
Didn't one of the fantastic four have that?
In valiant comic there used to be 'Janus'
who was an escapoligist
A bottom with a 'J' infront...
and he could get through
tiny gaps
There you go!
Janus
Every week he seemed to be in a situation -
a Janal situation
- where it would be helpful if he could
get through a tiny gap
I don't know how the writers kept coming up with these scenarios where
the only solution was for Janus to get through a tiny gap
and he was always going through...
...drain grids and that sort of thing
And avoiding the door,
that was open.
That would be too easy, wouldn't it
Quite often he'd forgotten his keys,
That's King Ragnar the Hairy Breeches being killed by King Aelle,
looking down on him,
in a pit
but he was avenged by having his ribs opened,
and his lungs spread out against his chest,
which was known as...
- What, Boneless did? -
And it was the called the,
say again,
the blood eagle, yes
very good, audience 10 points
He wasn't that boneless if he had a ribcage then?
No no he did it to the name who killed his father
Presumably this person was, it was against his will,
Yes,
It wasn't just,
"Come on then!"
I saw a documentary about
heart surgery, and to get through
the sternum
they used a power saw
Oh I know it's horrible
"Brrrr"
It's quite hard to get in there
Or a little toffee hammer,
it takes a lot longer
It's a very small power saw
I mean it's not a great big,
not a logging thing
It's a tiny tiny "bzzzz"
When you're over a certain age they can't risk doing that to you any more
and they actually go up through the -
penis
- thigh,
well not the penis
Well you were going
"Up through the, whooop through the penis"
Pee-hole surgery
Pee-hole surgery,
very good
It requires a steady hand
Don't be absurd,
they go up through the anus!
Oh dear
I'm so sorry Stephen
Yeah, like your mate through the tiny,
cracks
"I've got a job for you Janus"
Oh god steady
Stephen, now, I've got a question about farts,
...yes
Do you think that farts smell before they come out?
I'm not going in to find out!
Quite a philosophical one from you
If you went up someone, when Janus goes up
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on,
You wouldn't have to hold your nose is what I'm saying,
you'd be free to use both hands.
If you have a colonoscopy,
if you were to have a colonoscopy
24 hours before you have to take these unbelievably powerful -
Hallucinogenics
"Woah phewwww-eee"
"Oh I'm being taken by a
a space octopus!"