-Hey, baby.
This one's for you.
-Oh, my god.
Who is that?
Yea.
So, what are you doing after recess?
[panting]
-Huh?
Holy shit.
Red.
Red, are you dead?
-Naw, man.
Just tannin' my back.
-God damn it.
Where are we?
-We're in paradise, mon!
-No, we're not!
We're on a deserted island!
-We should really sail to dinner island first.
-No, deserted island-- oh, my god.
-Huh.
Is there a burrito island?
That sounds way better.
-Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
I'm actually going to die.
I'm going to die next to an asshole and I'll never see
Pink's boobs again.
-Yeah, and I'm getting real worried this place doesn't
have internet.
-Oh, shit.
Maybe--
Oh, no.
Where's my phone?
Wait, dude!
Didn't you eat a bowl full of tiny cell phones for lunch?
-Oh, yeah!
[grunting]
-Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
Come on.
[grunting]
-Nope.
-Dude.
[grunting]
-It's not coming out.
-Here, let me try.
-Ow.
Not so hard, asshole.
-How about this?
-Stop it.
Let me just to dial it with my butt muscles.
[grunting]
-Yup, this is my nightmare.
[phone dialing]
[phone ringing]
-It's ringing!
I can't believe I'm doing this.
If you fart, I'll kill you.
-Careful, if I fart, I'll kill you.
FEMALE (OFFSCREEN): Hello.
You've reached Global Rescue Services, ready to rescue you
wherever you are, especiallyif you're stuck
on a deserted island.
-Uh, hello.
Can you hear me? -Well hello yourself baby.
You can rescue me anytime.
What are you wearing?
What are you doing?
FEMALE (OFFSCREEN): Oh, you know.
Just bored at work.
I get off at 7 if you want to meet up at
Burrito Island then.
[farts]
-Oh.
Oh, my god!
-Oh.
I think I broke the phone.
-Ah!
Screw you!
That is it!
-Where are you going?
-Home.
You can finish this god damn quest on your own.
-I knew you were a pussy!
-This was the stupidest idea.
Stupid lame ass Blue.
That sword is gonna be tight.
(SINGING) Gettin' my beach on, singing the beach song, hoping
that a crab doesn't nibble my balls.
[snoring]
[screaming]
-Wow.
This place is paradise.
The sun is so warm.
The water's so clear.
The sand, like diamonds beneath my feet.
The air smells sweet, like--
smoke?
Red!
-Ahh!
-Red, what did you do?
-What?
Oh, that.
-You ruin everything!
-It's not that bad.
-We're going to be burned alive!
What is that?
-King Kong!
-Is- is that a plane?
-Bees!
-Holy shit!
It is a plane!
-Ahh!
Sky demon!
-Ha, ha, ha.
Cheerio old chaps.
Grab a hold!
[panting]
-Perfectly executed signalfire old chaps.
Spotted it a fort night away.
Still, damn shame you burned down Burrito Island.
-That was Burrito Island?
No!
-Maybe it was Boobie Island.
-No!
-Who are you?
-You're flying with Captain Major Lieutenant Crookygrin,
Private First Class Retired.
-You're a pilot?
-And an alcoholic.
1,000 flights, 1,000 crashes,perfect record.
-Woop.
Wa- wa- whomp.
Trying to flip us over you old bitch.
Did I mention I'm blind?
Alcohol blindness.
-Ha ha.
You and me both, brotha.
-Uh, woo.
-Ha ha ha.
-What are you doing flying all the way out here?
-On my way to Gay Paris.
I'm meeting an old friend from the war, Colonel Dingleberry.
-Mr. Dingleberry?
-He was a private when I knew him.
Haven't seen him since D-Day, or Dingle Day as he
liked to call it.
Ha ho.
We are on a top secret missionto stop two blokes from
finding the Great Sword of Destiny.
-Uh, what two blokes?
-Oh. the dossier said theirnames were, what
was it, Red and Blue.
[gasps]
-Say, tell an old blind man your names.
-Uh, Tom.
-Uh, and Tom.
-Tom and Tom, not enough Toms in the world I've
always said, by jove.
Jeff
BOTH: For sure.
-This mission's important to me lads, so important that
I've quite drinking.
In fact, I think my alcohol blindness is
being cured as we speak.
I-, I think I see a cloudand an eagle-- bastard.
My god, the sun.
-Oh, shit.
He's gonna see us.
What do we do?
-Run away, man.
-Dude, we're screwed.
-Maybe not.
You thinking what I'm thinking?
-Never.
-We just get this guy sloshed and he'll be
as blind as a pelican.
-Pelicans aren't blind.
-Come on.
Here, Crooky a toast, for good luck.
-No.
No.
I mustn't have a drop.
The fate of the queen depends on it.
-Wouldn't be very proper to turn down a shot of English
gin, would it?
-Bitch, proper's my middle name.
Woo-hoo!
Tally-ho!
-See, I told you this was a bad idea!
-Whoa.
Dude, you're a lightweight.
-Balderdash!
I know that sound.
Gentlemen, we're under attack.