So you wake up one morning, and an owl brings you … no, not an acceptance letter to Hogwarts,
but an invitation to have afternoon tea with Her Majesty the Queen of England herself!
Oh, my!
Aren’t you a special one?
Well, ya ready?
Me?
I’d be asking what kind of Tea Shirt to wear to this Soiree with Her Majesty, but
again that’s probably why I won’t be getting an invitation.
Now have you learned all the DOs and DON’Ts of royal tea protocol?
Let's do it this way: if everything’s going fine, you'll see a green flash.
And when you see a red light … egh, I hope that won't happen because it means you’ve
made a huge blunder!
Uh-oh!
Not off to a good start!
It's 4:15 pm, and your invitation said 4!
It's not okay to be late for a tea party with Her Highness!
Now, if this were “high tea,” you’d be just fine!
This early dinner is served at 5 pm and normally includes a meat dish.
As for “afternoon tea,” it’s served at around 4 o'clock and isn't just a snack
but also a social affair.
That means, get ready for plenty of etiquette rules!
Oh, and those ripped jeans, Chucks, and old Pink Floyd t-shirt you're wearing?
Just because there was no exact dress code on the invite doesn't mean you can dress the
same way you do when you go to the grocery store on Sundays!
Anyone who's about to meet the royal family is supposed to wear something right for the
occasion: smart casual or business casual will be just fine.
So let's change into a pair of dress shoes, a nice white shirt, and some crisp pants.
For ladies, it’d be a dress that covers the knees.
You better get going!
Oh, it’s the Queen!
She doesn’t look so happy – told ya you shouldn’t have been late.
“Sup, Liz?”
No, no, no!
Show some respect!
“Good afternoon, Your Majesty” – well done, that's the right way to address her
when you see her for the first time.
Now that you've greeted her, you should start calling her "Ma'am," but never ever by her
first name.
Looks like it’s time to sit down.
Don’t forget to put a napkin on your lap!
Code red!
I know it’s tempting to put milk in first, but you’d be breaking a tradition that goes
back to the 18th century!
Back then, English potter Josiah Spode started making cups out of animal bone to withstand
any heat.
Ever since then, the British elite and royalty pour the tea (not milk!) first to show their
status.
Going the other way is reserved for those who fear their cups will crack.
When at a Royal tea party, do as the Royals do.
So start with sugar, if you need any, then fill the cup up to about three-quarters using
a strainer.
It's placed over your cup for that reason.
Just don’t forget to take it off before taking a sip.
You might like tea bags for convenience, but don't expect to see any at the Palace.
The Queen prefers Earl Grey or Assam leaf tea.
Now, step three – add some cold milk to your cup.
Well done!
Now that there’s milk and sugar in your tea, you want to stir it.
Ah, no!
Not like that!
Don’t make a little whirlpool in the cup by stirring the tea in circular motions!
You need to stir it back and forth from 12 to 6 if you imagine it like the face of a
clock.
Yep, just like that.
But no clinking the sides!
When you're finished stirring, put the spoon on the saucer by the back side of the teacup.
Time to raise the cups.
Oh no!
Everything is flashing red again!
As much as you want to warm up your hands, don't wrap them around your tea!
The proper way to do it is to hold the loop of the handle with your index finger and thumb.
Your middle finger should support the bottom of the handle.
Put your pinkie down for goodness sake – everybody’s giving you weird looks!
British royals don't really stick their pinkies up to show how posh they are.
I even heard extending it is a pretty rude gesture.
So yeah, tuck it in.
Oh, great – something’s wrong again.
I see.
I know this saucer looks fantastic, it's the most exquisite pottery and everything, but
please leave it on the table.
It's only okay to hold it together with the cup when there's no table in front of you,
like when you’re standing.
Don’t sweat it too much!
I’m sure they know you’re a newbie to this!
There's no such thing as insignificant details at this gathering, so make sure the cup handle
is pointing in the right direction before anyone notices it's not!
When the cup is on the table, it should always point at the 3 on your imaginary clock.
If you're left-handed, you can relocate it to 9 o'clock for convenience.
Time for another sip.
Code red!
When drinking, focus on the teacup!
Don't look over it around the room.
Yes, Buckingham Palace is gorgeous, and you’re so excited to be right here across the table
from the Queen!
But your eyes poking up from your cup come off as very rude!
Look into the cup.
I know it seems like a picky detail, but it’s quite useful!
You're minimizing the risk of spilling the tea on yourself or this expensive tablecloth.
Don’t slurp or gulp it down!
As you lift your cup, take just one sip, then carefully put it back.
And stop blowing on it!
If it’s too hot, just wait for it to cool down.
That fine lady in a pink hat is asking to pass your cup to her so that she can refill
it.
Oh no!
Let's try it again – as you pass the cup, leave it on the saucer.
This is how you do it.
And now comes the most exciting part – food!
It’s served on a pyramid of three tiers.
The golden rule here is… hey, drop that cookie!
First come sandwiches, then scones, and only then all those sweets.
It’s okay to go with your fingers.
The sandwiches you’ll see at a royal tea party will be bite-sized and without crusts.
Why no crust?
Well, it’s a tradition, but some people also say the Queen likes to avoid unnecessary
calories whenever she can.
Her Majesty’s personal favorites are with fillings of cucumber, smoked salmon, egg and
mayonnaise, or ham and mustard.
There’s also a sweet option: crust-less jam pennies.
Those are raspberry jam sandwiches no bigger than an old English penny.
Whoa, man, pace it out a little – don’t vacuum everything down your gullet!
Slow, careful, and proper!
Ok, we’ve all finished our sandwiches – it’s time for scones.
Don’t call them “sCONEs,” (Oops, sorry!) unless you want to upset the Queen.
It’s pronounced “sKAAAHN.”
Use a butter knife to cut it so that you don’t get crumbs everywhere.
There’s been a historical debate between the two English counties of Devon and Cornwall
as to what to put on your scone (I mean, SKAAAHN) first: clotted cream or strawberry jam.
Clotted cream- the name just kills it for me.
Diplomatic as she is, Her Majesty does jam first when she’s in Cornwall and cream first
when she’s in Devon.
As for her own tea parties, she puts jam on first.
(Just do what she does!)
So, the top of the pyramid is where you’ll find the sweets.
Crispy cookies, strawberry tarts, honey and cream sponge, and many other kinds of cakes
all gorgeous and fancy as can be.
I see that look in your eye – remember: keep it slow and neat!
It looks like the party is coming to an end.
To wrap it up, take the napkin off your lap and leave it to the left of your cup and saucer.
Well done!
I think you shocked Her Majesty there a few times, but I can tell she noticed your progress!
Ok, chances are slim that you’ll ever get to have tea with the Queen herself.
But you can practice and take pictures with a life-like wax figure of Queen Elizabeth
II at Madame Tussauds in London!
You’ll get served real food, tea, everything!
And all according to the rules of etiquette and the Queen’s personal preferences!
The setting looks exactly like a garden at the grounds of Buckingham Palace, and you
can even hear royal corgis playing nearby!
Do you think you could remember all these rules and have tea with the Queen?
Let me know down in the comments!
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