[Applause]
this is a tricky dress why is it old
it's a tricky dress okay all right yeah
that's good for the viewers at home I
gotta do some adjustments to shield you
with the van no no let's come on let's
give the people at home what they came
to see your legs
[Applause]
give them a gynecological exam yeah they
asked for um this book is called I'm
fine another license meaning you are not
fine I'm I know this might come to as a
shock to some people but I don't have it
together folks you don't cuz you seem to
me like you do have it together really
yeah I'm hanging by a thread Jim well I
I didn't gather that because you seemed
to be you you well you're very
successful obviously you've got a lot of
jobs as far as I can tell you're working
on things you're producing other people
you're writing for other people and
yourself you're at a book you're touring
you're you you do have I'm hilarious I'm
you're hilarious
well that's the reason that that all of
these things come together is because
you are very funny you don't feel like
it oh that is so nice I think I wanted
to write a book that sort of revealed
all of the sort of flaws and
insecurities and the mistakes that we
make I think so much of us pretend to
have it together you scroll down
Instagram you see everybody's greatest
hits no one's really showing you know
what happens behind the scenes and I
kind of wanted to make it socially
acceptable to talk about our
not-so-great moments our shameful
moments our embarrassing moments and I
did that with this book which means I'll
be single forever
is that is that genuinely if I started
because it sounds like I mean yeah are
you worried about yeah revealing so much
yes I revealed so much in this book
about eating disorders body dysmorphia
addiction I don't know why you guys
aren't laughing those are hilarious it's
made a lot of things very weird for me
like people just in general I feel like
they now think that I'm like a safe
place to admit all their weird secrets
oh no and shameful behavior people now
just come up to me in airports and blurt
out weird things they do I was I had a
woman run up to me in an airport she
goes hey I go to stores and I buy
clothes I don't even want just so other
people can't have them yo I'm gonna go
get a cinema that is one of the craziest
things I've ever ever heard I yell at me
across it like a like a driveway she
just goes hey Whitney I can't stop
stealing you advise them at all I mean
look I'm not a psychiatrist I think
that's pretty obvious comedian you know
so we read the book there is a lot of
helpful information there I try to make
a funny self-help book I realize when
people are depressed or they're
struggling with something a lot of
self-help books are bleak and boring and
they just kind of make it worse I want
to write a funny self-help book for
people so you can laugh and cry and you
get into medical type things
I did this one thing that I added some
things in there my therapist very
quickly realized that I have a with
something called codependence it
manifests in I have an ability an
inability to speak first of all but also
to see red flags in name you've met some
guys I've dated you know okay my Pickers
off okay but I like my brain will
automatically turn a negative into a
positive just to like justify being in a
terrible relation and that's not a good
thing that's bad aging man I see like
I'll meet a guy and I'll be like oh he's
married
oh no not afraid of commitment you can't
be trusted out there in the streets so
she made me start giving a quiz to the
guy that I date to find out their
subconscious to find out who they are
and my producer said I could do it with
you oh yeah
may I ask you some question you do this
like at what point and you just on the
first day I try to do it in the first
day well that's not gonna help anything
if I got quizzed on the first date I
would be like hey I'm gonna go to the
bathroom I never come back when things
get hard
give me the quiz do you know it well yes
do you have a pen I'm near borrow some
point I do yes fine I'll sign the book
Kimmy you failed this is the idea is is
it's it's Freud came up with this test
and essentially what it does is it finds
out things about someone's subconscious
because it will pretend to be people who
are not right I pretend I'm thirty
people pretend this is the way to get
the truth out of someone and like a
sneaky way so that you don't find out
like two years into a relationship that
they have a secret family you know this
is a good way okay all right I feel like
there's a lot of pressure okay there's a
lot of pressure but I hope you're
watching I'm gonna try to answer
honestly okay the first thing I need to
know is what is your favorite animal
Oh monkey definitely monkey okay I need
three reasons why it's your favorite
animal
well they fling poop is that free or
fling hanging on and try to do
adjectives okay
smoking I like when they smoke but the
only animal that smokes they know well
like what about the monkey oh I like
they're funny I think funny they seem
intelligent yeah and they're a little
bit crazy funny intelligent crazy crazy
okay what is your favorite article of
clothing it doesn't it could be a suit
it can be a pair of socks of my own it
anything it can be a wedding dress yeah
dress that's I know what it is underwear
I have a tank top has the colors of the
Jamaican flag and I wear it only because
my wife hates it so much
I don't know what I bought like 12 of
them and because she throws them out
immediately and then I just produce
another one and she doesn't know where
they keep them okay so what are some
three adjectives to describe that tank
top is hideous it would definitely be
one of them ridiculous annoying yeah I
think I failed the test already no no
I'll tell you what they all mean in a
second all right the final one is what
is your favorite body of water it can be
an ocean a swimming pool a glass of
water a stream mine was the new River in
Virginia because they were whitewater
rafting I know what mine is
okay mine is Silver Creek in Idaho okay
yes tell me three things that describe
that Creek it is Placid clear and trout
full is that a word truffle bountiful
with bountiful with trouble yes yes yes
so it's Plata it's a it's a is it moving
now it kinda little bit but not much
it's very smooth a little bit yeah okay
okay so what basically this does it also
helps you understand the difference
between the way you perceive yourself
and the way other peoples perceive you
so the first one tells you how you
perceive yourself as a monkey monkey
yeah that's right funny intelligent
crazy and flings poop
[Applause]
if you throw Harry in there you got I
mean practically my twitter bio or your
tinder bye yeah right okay and then your
article of clothing is the way other
people perceive you okay your wife
ridiculous yes yeah I would have pushed
you to go for something besides the tank
top but I just wanted to hear so much
about it and envision you and okay that
I went for it
the third one is the way you view sex
[Laughter]
[Applause]
Wow and moves a little but not much
you've been spotted
let me have that book Wow it's all in
here all the secrets to life right in
this book it's gone I'm fine
and otherwise
hi i'm jimmy kimmel if you like that
click the subscribe button below and
good things will happen
forever