♪♪
[alarm blares]
Captain: [Italian accent] Oh, settle everybody,
settle!
- I felt the ship hit something!
- I think we're sinking, should we evacuate?
- Everything is under control,
please-a go back to your cabins--
- I'm not going back to my room
until someone tells us what is going on!
- There's no need to panic!
Everything's a-fine, the ship is not sinking.
- Then why are you wearing a life vest?
- Okay, it's a sinking a little.
All: What?!
- Oh, somebody made a big whoopsie!
But do not worry, we have protocols for this.
First thing's a-first, the captain leaves.
- Wait a minute,
what happened to the captain goes down with the ship?
- Yeah!
- Is this your first time abandoning a ship?
- Of course!
- Okay, well it's my fourth,
so uh, keep your opinions to yourself!
- You've sunk four ships?
- Yeah, or five...
But the fifth one was not my fault!
- Go call for help!
- Fine!
Everybody's an expert.
[radio static]
Mayday, mayday,
send a helicopter a-rescue.
Somebody made a big a whoopsie.
[quietly] One surviving passenger,
the passenger is me, the captain.
Very handsome.
[audience laughter]
Were you all listening in on my very private phone call?
All: Yes!
[sighs]
- Okay, I admit it,
I'm a bit more interested in saving my own life
than saving all of yours.
- All right, everyone listen up, I'm in charge now.
We need to get the women and children off first.
Captian: Oh, I'm young at heart!
- Be quiet!
Everyone follow me.
- Routine lifeboat inspection.
Just gotta get this one lifeboat we have
down into the water,
and then take it all the way to land by myself
to make sure there's no whoopsies.
Then, I'll bring it all the way back around
to rescue all of you,
I promise.
Arvin: We know it's you!
- Yes, me, Joe the lifeboat inspector.
- No, the terrible captain.
- Just ignore him,
we need to get the women and children in lifeboats now.
- Yeah!
Someone get all of this woman off of the ship!
Now!
- You're obviously the captain!
- The captain!
Oh where?
I'd like to give that big old smelly captain
a piece of my mind.
He made a big whoopsie!
Matthew: Grab him!
- Ugh!
Okay, this may shock you, but...
[tears]
[dramatic gasping]
I am the captain!
All: We know!
[helicopter blades whirring]
- Okay, I see now that I was wrong
to try and abandon ship without all of you,
I'm so, so ashamed.
I--
[chokes]
I made a big whoopsie.
But I vow from this point forward,
as long as I live,
I will never make a big whoopsie again!
Up, take me up!
- Oh, no you don't.
- Is this what you all want,
I guess I'll just go down with the ship!
Ooh!
You know what,
you all have been completely cruel.
This is the worst abandon ship experience of my life!
And I-- could you open that for me?
And I--
whee!
[splashes]
This thing floats, so long suckers!
[audience laughter]
Thank you for watching Studio C,
it would be awesome if you could take your time
to like and subscribe to the video
and comment below
with your favorite thing to do on a cruise!
- So when are we gonna get rescued?
- Soon!
So soon, ah!
Pushy...
[clicks tongue]
I'm gonna just go and ah...
Gonna go and check on the life boats.
[incomprehensible muttering]
Most of them are probably fine, but the...
[alarm blares]
- He's escaping, get him!
[alarm blares]