Let me feel it.
I think it's a sheep's ear or something.
No! Come on!
Well, this is what I wanted to say is
it's been very interesting having a dog
because I grew up mostly vegetarian
and I'm really bad about meat
but with her I'm like
"Bring on the meat."
If I didn't give Sugar a bull's penis
that bull's penis would be in the garbage
because they were gonna kill that bull anyway
to feed it to a human.
So me giving her a bull's penis
is actually like using the animal
as much as you can.
I'm giving her a what?
A bull's penis. She loves 'em.
Oh man. Can't get enough dick.
[music]
This week we have a domestic question. Sorry.
Who are you apologizing to?
All the fans that love it when I sing.
Patrick from Sacramento,
which I know is in California,
(It's the capital of California)
What's up San Jose, sorry 'bout that.
"What do you do if you're not attracted to anyone?"
Be super successful.
Get your taxes done on time.
Play tennis.
Adopt an animal.
Do you even know what I could have acomplished
in high school theater if I wasn't attracted to people?
I think asexuality is incredibly valid.
I think it's a very under represented sexuality
that people don't talk about
or that people think is something
broken or wrong and it's actually not.
What do you mean "valid"?
Of course it's valid.
Yes, we're saying that because
we're enlightened, smart people.
(I think that) you're just...you said the thing that
like a parent would say
that's also offensive.
The point is that I think
it doesn't get its due in terms of
like the spectrum of sexuality.
This is not what he's asking
he's asking what do you do.
Travel the world.
Learn how to cook.
You also can have a partner,
it just doesn't have to be a sexual partner.
Oh that's true.
I mean, that's the best.
Yeah, and this opens a can of worms
in which I have to, uh, bring up
some of your behaviors.
What?
Just like that are sort of on the
asexual spectrum.
If love is a spectrum,
Look, yes, OK, here we go,
So if we have a spectrum
asexual to bisexual.
That's the spectrum?!
Yeah, 'cause it's asexual,
attracted to no one,
heterosexual you're attracted
to one sex, bisexual
attracted to both sexes.OK.
That's brilliant, and if no one's figured that out yet
I'm...--
(so the spectrum is)
I'm willing to let you call that
the Raskin scale.
So let's say so you're on this end
in the pansexual, you know,
(great)
Honestly, if we went all the way,
maybe a little beastiality.
No!!! Now you're--
(I'm just saying)
Now we're in trouble! Now--I'm just saying
No you can't--In terms of
what you're attracted to
some people, I think, are
attracted to animals.
Allison, you can't equate pansexuality
with beastiality. I'm putting my foot down.
Fine, we'll cut that from the scale
that'll be an addendum
50 years after my first textbook.
So you're on this end with the pansexual
(great)
An then I'm in the heterosexual
tipping into asexual.
Wow. This is...I feel a big moment.
Do you think that that is wrong to say?
I don't think it's incorrect,
from what I know about you.
I don't think it's incorrect at all.
Why would it be correct?
Because, OK, some people do this thing
where they say, ah, that
they are like bi-romantic,
meaning that they can have romantic feelings
for men and women, but are
heterosexual, meaning they only want
to have sex with men. Or, they can say like--
Oh! I might be bi-romantic. What's that?
Now you're just saying things!
I like to look at ladies.
I almost like to look at ladies more
than I like to look at men.
That's called being a straight girl.
I would say that you are
hetero-romantic...(yeah), asexual.
No! (OK)
I'm not asexual.
But that's what I mean, like
hetero-romantic couches it.
In terms of like you wanna date men.
But I'm not asexual. I think that that's
an unfair thing for me to say.
So you're just in that realm.
I think I'm, I'm touching it.
Because I say that I'm that because
I'm attracted to so few people.
Yes.
But I am attracted to some people.
So then I can't say that I'm asexual.
No but that's the thing
It's so misunderstood I think
everything is so nebulous and people think
that asexuality is one thing and it's not
it's like, it's not a monolith, as they say.
A what?
A monolith, like, uh, like when you say like
a community is not a monolith, it's not
like just one thing. There's multitudes
of types of people in all these different communities.
I really hope this Raskin scale thing takes off.
I'm worried that I'm offending people,
because I don't identify as asexual.
I think also people can go, slide back
and forth on that scale.
Here's the other thing, I don't think you
have to identify as anything.
Correct.
It's just stupid.
Yeah. I think you can just--
It's not stupid because yes it's
nice to have an identity, I like
to tell people I'm a New Yorker when I'm in
Los Angeles, but you don't need it (yes),
and if you can't clearly classify
yourself then it's fine.
The problem here now people won't
use my scale.
OK.
Did Kinsey make a lot of money?
I wanna get in on that sexuality racket.
I'm not asexual.
Yeah, I think we established that.
I'm just not attracted to a lot of people.
And I think touching most people
is gross.
OK great, well--
[It] doesn't give you the heeby geebies?
Can you imagine kissing all the people?
It's disgusting!
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