- Wheee!
(shouting and laughing)
(air horn) (screaming)
(laughing)
So then I said,
"If you want the mustard, you're gonna have to ketchup."
(laughter)
- That was quite possibly the worst joke I've ever heard.
- You're the worst joke I've ever heard.
(laughing) - (grunting)
- Ugh, it's way to bright in here,
does somebody wanna turn the lights down or something?
- Whoa, a dirty pear with sunglasses!
- What?
- Hey, Pear, check it out!
It's your brother.
- That's not my brother.
- I'm not a pear.
My name is Mystery Potato, man.
(laughing)
- Po, ta, to.
- We're not doing that.
- Po, ta, to.
- No!
- Really?
- Yeah, that's pretty stupid, okay?
- Yeah, whatever, four eyes. (laughing)
- Hey, you'd be wearing sunglasses too
if you grew up underground,
ugh, this light is killing me.
- You grew up in the dirt?
I'm gonna call you Muddy Buddy.
(laughing)
- I'm not muddy, and I'm not your bud.
(laughing)
- You said "spud", you're a spud muffin.
(laughing)
- Man, you're a real square, you know that?
- Uh-uh, I'm round! (laughing)
- Ugh, Pear, is this guy always this annoying?!
- No, it's even worse when he uses the air horn.
- [Annoying Orange] Hey, Muddy Buddy.
- What? (air horn blowing)
- Ah!
My eyes!
It's so bright!
(laughing)
(crying)
- Why would you do that, man?
- Pear did it.
- Pear didn't do it, I saw you.
- Blame Pear.
- No!
- Uh-oh, guess what?
- What, what is it?
- Air horn.
(air horn blowing)
- Ah!
(laughing)
- Oh, but I can't see anything.
And now I can't even hear myself think.
- It's funny cause it hurts. (laughing)
- You're really getting under my skin, buddy.
I've met some stupid food on my days,
but you really take the cake.
- Why would you take the cake?
That's where carrot lives.
- I don't care about carrot.
(whooshing) - Well, I don't care
about you either.
(cries)
- Jeez, for a Tater, you're a real hater.
Maybe you're a Hater-tot. (laughing)
- Sweet mother of-- (laughter)
Ah! Your voice is stabbing me like a- like a giant...
- Lemme guess, knife?
- What?
(screaming)
- Whoa!
It's a face off. (laughing)
(screaming)
- [Annoying Orange] I don't know who to root for.
(laughing)
[Annoying Orange] You get it?
Root? (laughing)
- Wait, wait.
What are you doing?
What are you doing?! (screaming)
- Oh well, that guy needed a thicker skin anyways.
(laughing)
(cries)
- [Pear] Come on, buddy. Potato didn't mean it.
Stop crying.
- Hey Carrot, I know what'll make you
forget about being sad.
- (sniffles) Really?
What?
- Air horn.
(air horn blowing) (screams)
(whooshing)
(sneezes) - Orange, that is so gross.
Cover your mouth when you sneeze!
- How?!
I don't have any hands. (laughing)
(whooshing) - Are you serious?
This is where the photo shoot is going to be?
- Be still my beating heart.
That, that is the most beautiful woman
I've ever seen in my life!
- This kitchen is a total dump.
- Playfruit magazine is looking for
an average kitchen locale.
You know, kind of a-uh fruit next door sort of vibe.
- Whatever, let's just get this over with Richard.
Wait.
What happened to all my outfits?
- Oh!
These are your clothes?
Whoops, I mistook them for a Kleenex.
(record scratches) (blows nose)
I'm guessin' you're not gonna want these back.
- How disgusting!
All of my lingerie is ruined!
- Oh, darn.
Guess you'll have to do the shoot in the nude.
- I am not that kind of model, bro.
That kind of shoot is not in my contract,
and I am offended you would even think
I would stoop so low.
- It's alright, love, we'll just, we'll just improvise.
What's just lying around?
You know, that you could wear?
- Oh, oh, wear this funny mustache! (laughing)
- I am not going to wear a funny mustache!
You have any idea who I am?!
- Hey, Are you John Malkovich?
I hope so.
I've always wanted to meet him. (laughing)
- I am not John Malkovich!
I am Hot Potato,
the hottest food model in the world,
and this is the most important photo shoot
of my entire career, so stop making jokes
and find me something to wear!
- Here you go.
You can wear this shirt of mine.
After you give it back to me,
I'll probably never wash it again.
- Hmm, now this I can do something with.
(whooshing) (snipping)
(slide whistling)
- Wow! - Whoa.
- She's beautiful and talented!
I'm so excited I might puke!
- Don't do it Grapefruit!
Not again.
- I make no promises!
- Let's get this over with Richard.
- Good, good.
Lovely, no, keep it up.
I love the energy.
Let's see the other side.
Mm-hmm yeah now get wild.
Alright, your a tiger and you just lost
your child in the jungle.
You're trying to find 'em.
You're very angry.
Okay, now you're scared!
Maybe there's slender man over there, I don't know!
Okay now your angry!
Give me anger, show me that attitude.
- Now your a guy with a mustache. (laughing)
(record scratching)
- Will someone get this orange out of here?
He is ruining my shoot!
- But-- - Do not speak to me!
Someone get him out of here!
- Right away!
(descending missile pitch)
(thudding)
(creaking)
- Oh, the light does go off when the door closes.
(laughing)
- Richard let's continue.
- You're sexy now, show me sexy.
You're a lunatic, look at you.
You're in the looney bin for goodness sakes
it's nothing but padded rooms
as far as the eye can see.
Now your bewildered by the sheer size of the universe.
I'm Neil deGrasse Tyson,
let's talk about the cosmos!
Now your--
(farting)
- Now I'm annoyed.
- Uh-oh.
Hey, can someone let me out!
This is an enclosed space!
Ah!
Please, I've made a terrible mistake!
- Fine, let him out.
We've got the photos we need anyway.
- Bleh, oh ho oh oh thank you so much.
(gasping) Aw, my life was flashing
before my non-existent nostrils. (laughing)
(whooshing and thudding)
Oh, Potato Lady!
You all good on outfits? (whooshing)
I've also got this Amish beard you can use if you want.
- How many times do I have to tell you?
Do not speak to me, I am too--
- Hot?
- Yes, I am too hot.
Get that through your round little head-body thing already.
- No, hot!
- What? (screaming)
- Hot Potato!
No!
I'll always love you!
(dramatic music)
(goofy music)
(whooshing) - I'm okay, a little toasty
but I'll be fine.
- Hot Potato, look out for that knife!
(horn blows)
- Oh, knives are fine.
I go under the knife all the time.
- Eww!
- The only thing the would both me now is, sour cream.
No!
- Really?
The sour cream is what scares you?
- Do you know how fattening sour cream is?
No not cheese!
(shrieks) and the bacon bits!
Not the bacon bits!
(screaming)
- This is terrible.
- You're tellin' me.
Guess what I've just realized you guys?
I forgot to put film in the camera.
(sucks teeth) I know right, this whole shoot
has been a total waste!
- Unless...
- (sighs) Fine, you know might as well.
What do they say?
"When in Rome..."
- (whooshing) (laughing) Yes!
I'm sexy.
Now I'm a welder.
Now I'm annoying.
Now I'm an orange.
- Wow, you know what, I'm bit surprised
not gonna lie, this photo shoot is turning out
a little bit better than I thought.
- Yeah as a matter of fact, I'm so surprised I might--
(roaring vomit)
- (record scratches) (whooshing)
- Bor-bah-buh-bored Ba-buh-bored bored bored.
Ugh, I'm bored.
If I were any more bored, I'd be made out of wood.
(laughing)
Hey, what going on over there?
- Hey guys, it's Red, welcome back to another episode of--
- Hey! Hey potato!
Hey what are you doing?
- Yo buddy, lock it down.
I'm shootin' somethin' over here.
- Why, what he'd do to you?
- Just keep it down, okay?
- Okay, but what about him?
(whooshing) - Oh I'm shooting my vlog.
It's about the making of his vlog.
- Wow, sounds like a real vlog jam. (laughing)
- (whooshing) Oh, don't mind me.
I'm just grabbing some stuff for our second channel.
(record scratches) - Hey wait a minute,
are you guys YouTubers?
- (All Together) Rate, comment, subscribe!
(joyful piano)
(whooshing) (guitar riffing)
- Okay, so what's you name again?
- Shay.
- Say, say what?
- Listen, Shay.
- Say what?
I just want to know you name.
- Shay!
- Say what?
- OMG he doesn't know 'say' from Shay?
- Seriously!
I'm all LOL.
- Wait, LOL what does that mean?
- Hello, its laughing out loud.
- Well, why aren't you laughing then?
- Dude, you don't have to laugh out loud to LOL.
- Oh, what about BOB?
- Huh?
- Belching Out Burps.
- (burping) (laughing)
- What a noob!
- Incoming, incoming, we have a ROFL-copter.
(all laugh together)
- Oh, is that what that thing is?
- My ROFL-copter goes "Swoosh-swoosh swoosh-swoosh".
(record scratches) - Come one guys we are not
here for idiot oranges and ROFL-copters.
We're here to make a hit video!
- Oh-oh, film me doing this!
Whee, I'm dizzy. (laughing)
- Aw, come on!
I'm vlogging here!
- Yay!
I'm vlogging too.
I wanna be a YouTuber.
- Uh, I don't think that's a good idea.
- Yeah but we can totally sub for sub.
- No thanks I always get seasick.
- Forget that box for box, go big or go home.
- Oh, I've got a better idea!
How about motor boat for motor boat?
- Huh? (motor boat revving)
- Dude, you're still filming?
- Yeah, you're right, a talking orange?
Who'd wanna watch that?
- Aw come on, what could be better than me?
- I don't know how 'bout kittens.
You know, something cute with big eyes
and make funny noises.
People love that.
- Yay!
Did someone say kittens?
- Yeah, but they want other things too you know.
Like, quirky hot ladies who are also way tech savvy.
- Ugh, I totally know what you're talking about.
That happens to me all the time! (giggles)
- Gosh, you know me so well! (chuckles)
- Oh and wacky old people!
You got any wacky old people?
(tire screeches) - Now that what I call
a twist of lemon!
(laughing)
(whooshing)
- Mmm, nope.
We don't have anything like that around here.
- Well that's just great.
I told you guys this was gonna be a bust.
- Jeez, I guess it's like they say, TGT.
- Huh?
- TGT, Taters Gonna Tate. (laughing)
- Well this is just perfect.
How am I s'posed to vlog, if I've got nothing to vlog about!
- Oh, hey guys, I know what you should vlog about.
- Oh just shut up already!
- Hey!
Hey Red! Hey!
- What!
What is it?
- Knife.
(screaming)
(all screaming) - Jeez, somebody shoulda
yelled "cut"! (screaming)
(screaming stops) (screechy rewinding)
(screaming) (ominous music)
(screaming stops) (screechy rewinding)
(screaming) (ominous music)
(screaming stops) (screechy rewinding)
(screaming) (ominous music)
- Wow, this is the
biggest video we've ever done!
- Yeah, too bad Red isn't around to see it.
- Yeah, but at least Knife saw it.
(all laughing)
(record scratching) - Yay,
my ROFL-copter goes "hwoo-hwoo hwoo-hwoo,
"hwoo-hwoo hwoo-hwoo, hwoo-hwoo".
(all laughing)
(whooshing)
(angsty music)
- Potato.
- PoTAHto.
- Potato!
- PoTAHto!
- PoTAYter. (giggles)
- Shut up, Jeff!
- Ha!
(upbeat musical drums)